Post # 1
I realize as I’m writing this that I’m probably the one being stupid here, but i can’t change that I feel what I feel… Here’s what happened.
We were watching some entertainment show and it was saying how the new movie Pompei was filmed in Toronto (which is near us). This movie is starring the dude that plays Jon Snow from GOT. He’s super cute. I jokingly said something about how had I known he was in town I would’ve paid him a visit! Fiance then said didn’t matter, I could never get him anyways. I figured he was just playing around so I asked if he seriously thought I wasn’t pretty enough for Snow or a famous person – he just kept saying “you’re pretty enough for me”.
I dunno. I know it sounds stupid and as I write it, I sound even more like a dumb girl. I just always had self esteem issues as a teen (over weight, big frizzy hair) but in my 20s I prettied up – lost weight, figured out FINALLY how to manage my hair… I’ve been with some pretty handsome dudes before Fiance came along.
I don’t care about who I *could* ever be with, but I think Fiance is GORGEOUS… LIke, I drooled over him for 3 years before we ever got together. I thought he felt the same way for me. And today we were playing around in the hot tub and I said something like, So seriously then, you don’t think I’d be pretty enough for someone famous, like Jon Snow? And he said no. Ouch. It doesn’t bother me about the jon snow thing bc seriously, that situation would never come to fruition anyways lol. It bothers me that here I am thinking he’s just amazing and beautiful etc, and he thinks I’m pretty, but not gorgeous, and not good enough for others. Ok, I’ll probably get flamed… but I had to vent. I know I probably sound immature or like a silly teenage girl – it’s just a bit of a blow to my self esteem. I have gained like 5-8 pound in the last few months (have just started working out again to get rid of it) and lately I find myself feeling so selfconscious when we’re intimate. This won’t help.
Post # 3
@MrsPhilly: Your man is an idiot. I’m so sorry. I am sure he does think you’re beautiful. For instance, I will sometimes just stare at SO’s face because he is so handsome to me. At the same time, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and, for example, Angelina Jolie wouldn’t look twice at him.
Post # 4
You feel how you feel. You shouldn’t apologize for that. But it does sound a little hypersensitive. I have noticed that some people (guys specifically) can be extrememly realistic to the point of being insensitive. Sounds like something my husband would say (and I am gorgeous. LOL.) He probably didn’t mean any harm, but was answering you truthfully. Am I beautiful? Absolutely! Would David Beckham think I am the most gorgeous woman on the planet? Who knows? Probably not!
Cheer up 🙂 He was probably having a dumb guy moment.
Post # 5
@missfroggy: lol I know, thats why I said I knwo I’m being a dumb girl bc realistically, there are obviously girls out there (many, many girls) way more pretty than me… I have a lump on my nose and my body could use some work lol. But I wish I didn’t have to hear him point it out!
lol He’s even talked about his friends’ gfs like “man, they don’t even have to wear make up and their still gorgeous”… wow. thanks lol. I’m a girl that can be really pretty with make up, but not so hot without lol
Post # 6
I think I’m pmsing too, so that doesn’t help his case lol
Post # 7
@MrsPhilly: I hope no one flames you! I think your Fiance probably just didn’t think about what a loaded question it was, or how bad it would sound to you. I can understand wanting to think your Fiance thinks you’re beautiful!! I think almost everyone would want that.
Post # 8
@MrsPhilly: Maybe when you are feeling a little less emotional bring it up casually. Let him know it makes you feel bad and why. That should help. Some people (myself included) just don’t realize how hurtful being blunt can be.
Post # 9
@MrsPhilly: yikes! thats a seriously dickish thing to say. especially twice. i’d be really hurt. but then in the next few days, when he least expects it, i’d probably work ‘well…you’re big enough/smart enough/rich enough….for ME anyways’ into the conversation 🙂
Post # 10
@MrsPhilly: What if you made a list of things he’s said that you found hurtful, with brief explanations of what YOU hear when he says them, and presented it to him? I think a lot of the time guys are just kind of clueless about stuff like that and maybe if you gave him more info he would be able to keep himself from repeating past mistakes.
Post # 11
Like PPs have said, it sounds to me like a “dumb guy” moment and nothing to get too concerned over. From your post though, it sounds like you’re feeling pretty insecure lately, so I think it’s worth it to discuss your feelings with him. We all want to feel wanted by our SO’s, so maybe just the suggestion that you need a little extra attention/support right now will do the trick?
Post # 12
I totally know how you feel. The other day, I came home after weighing myself and told Fiance (somehwat jokingly) that I’m sorry he has to deal with me right now as I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I was expecting him to refute that but he just kinda nodded and shrugged. !!*@&$(*^#%. Thanks for the ego boost, honey. I stare at Fiance frequently and in my head I am just like “daaaaaaaammnnn”. I hope he does the same about me. *shrug* whatcha gonna do.
@missfroggy: “I have noticed that some people (guys specifically) can be extrememly realistic to the point of being insensitive.” <— This. All of this. Guys don’t realize that what they are saying we are overanalyzing.
Post # 13
This is one of those loaded questions people should never ask of their partner. It puts them in an impossible position- they have a choice to be honest and hurt your feelings, or lie.
Please don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it already is i.e no list of all the hurtful things he has ever said to you. There will not be a good result.
Post # 14
My Darling Husband and I very much recognize that we’re average and couldn’t score models, and we’ve said so. Most people aren’t up to movie star standard, but who cares. Girl next door is just as pretty.
That said, your Fiance totally had a dumb guy moment and shouldn’t have said anything. Although you did insist, so I don’t blame him for making his point again. Just let the dogs lie and don’t pester him anymore. He said something dumb, like many people do. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you gorgeous. But I definitely understand it stings!
Post # 15
Except “realistically”, it doesn’t take amazing looks to catch a celebrity’s eye. A lot of celebrities are with women who are not traditionally or conventionally “gorgeous”, and they certainly have affairs with anyone and everyone. Victoria Beckham isn’t generally someone people would find “gorgeous”, yet she and David Beckham seem to have a happy marriage. It isn’t all about looks for most people.
I think this speaks more to your BF’s sensitivity level than him being “realistic”. He completely disregarded your feelings, and even the densest of the dense generally catch on that if someone brings something up repeatedly it is something that bothers them. I don’t have a solution, but he sure made himself look like an asshat in this situation.
Post # 16
Yikes. I would be hurt too.
I just asked Darling Husband what his response would be and he said, “well, men of the Night Watch can’t have wives anyway.” lol