(Closed) substitute for a father/daughter dance

posted 10 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Hmmm….my first concern when I read your post is this: How is YOUR side of the family being represented in this wedding? Why is the groom’s family dictating whether you dance with your father or not? I don’t know the whole story here but that was the first thing that came to mind. Secondly, I suppose a toast to your father would be the next best thing. Usually the bride doesn’t do a toast at the reception but those are old stuffy rules. This is YOUR wedding and you should be able to do something to honor your father if you are not allowed to do the father-daughter dance with him for whatever reason. To honor your mother, you can give a little speech and then give her your bridal bouquet. I went to a friend’s wedding and she did that for her mother. It was very sweet.

Post # 4
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I actually second Shelbystar – do YOU want to dance with your father at your wedding?  Would it really be a huge fiasco to have that moment?  It wouldn’t be like you’re asking his family to dance with you… but I also don’t know the whole story and I apologize if this isn’t even an option.

Post # 5
3 posts

I agree with the previous poster.  It’s your day – perhaps you can have a conversation with his family that your beliefs to honor your father is to have a dance.  I don’t think it’s inappropriate for a bride to give a speech.


Perhaps for your mom you can present her with her favorite flower.  I plan to do that at the church.

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Eeek – I agree with Shelbystar.  My sister had a similar issue with her wedding – my BIL’s family are Southern Baptists, and I guess are fairly anti-dancing and anti-alcohol.  My family are Catholics, and probably wouldn’t even realize they were at a wedding reception if there wasn’t an opportunity to do the polka and have at least a champagne toast.  After much discussion, my sister and Brother-In-Law decided that his family certainly didn’t have to dance or drink and that my family was unlikely to behave badly, either with the alcohol or on the dance floor, and that the two of them both dance and drink.  So they had a limited bar (wine, champagne, and beer) discretely located just off the main room, plenty of soft drinks, and a small jazz combo.  It was all very understated and tasteful, and if his family was offended, we didn’t hear about it.

Unless you really believe that your FI’s family is going to all get up and walk out, I would go ahead and have your dancing – just maybe make sure that the music is quiet and tasteful (hard to offend much of anyone with Sinatra, not so much with the Black Eyed Peas).  And very often people who are anti-alcohol are much more tolerant of wine, beer, and champagne than of mixed drinks, so you could also consider that.

If you do want to make a toast, I think it’s completely appropriate.  We didn’t toast my parents (who hosted both the Rehearsal Dinner and the reception) at the reception, but we did toast them at the Rehearsal Dinner.  It’s a very nice way to thank them for all they have done, and I’m sure it’s something they will remember forever.  Plus, it gives you the opportunity to say all kinds of things that you probably wouldn’t say during a dance.

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