(Closed) Success stories after heartbreak?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

My husband left me after 6 years when I was 38 weeks pregnant with baby #3.  I was so destroyed I thought I would never recover.  Inwent to therapy, leaned on my family and eventually married again 2 years later.  When that marriage didn’t work out (a much less dramatic story). I still managed to find an amazing partner at 38 with (2 divorces!) and 4 kiddos.

Im not the cream of the dating crop.  If I can find love so can you!  It just takes time and getting out there when you’re ready.  

Post # 3
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I had been in a relationship for four years that had been going downhill for quite awhile. And about 6 weeks after it ended, I met my husband. I was still grieving the last relationship when my husband asked me out, and I almost said no because I thought I wasn’t ready yet. Then my friend told me there was no way I was going to turn down a date, and that going on a date doesn’t mean I have to immediately enter another serious relationship. She told me I had to say yes and get out of the house for the night. 

So I went on the date, and now we’re married! I am so glad that I was single when I met him, instead of still hanging onto a failing relationship. 

And the thing is, ANYTHING is better than hanging onto a failing relationship. You broke up for a reason, Bee. And you are going to be better off, even though it’s rough right now.

Post # 4
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

My ex was a dick who couldn’t keep it in his pants. After 7 years of being incredibly stupid I left him.

Met my husband, got married, have a baby on the way. Total upgrade.

Post # 5
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I was head-over-heels in love with a friend of mine (and was also FWB with him) who just didn’t feel as strongly about me. It went on for a couple years and I told myself I was fine with just being friends, but truthfully, it was so hard to know those feelings weren’t reciprocated. I remember praying to the universe to please ease up my feelings or at least begging to know why I couldn’t get over him. What was the point of the pain? (Yes, I was very dramatic back then! Haha)

In the mean time, I connected with a guy new to our friend group who was also going through a break up. We bonded a lot on being hung up on someone and grew closer in general. We were both “wounded hearts” so we didn’t date or anything, but feelings did start to grow slowly and organically for me. A year later, we both ended up moving to Boston for unrelated reasons (me for school, him for a job) and since we only knew each other in the new city, we started hanging out more and more.

And yes, he is now my fiance and the true love of my life!

I don’t know if you’re the type that believes everything happens for a reason, but for me, I feel like I got an answer from the Universe in a way. You see, if I hadn’t been hung up on my other friend, I probably would have left that city much sooner and never would have grown close to my fiance. My fiance is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can easily say now that it was worth every past heartbreak. I’d do it all again ten-fold.

You never know what the future has in store for you. Keep your mind and heart open to new friendships and possibilities. At the very least, you’ll have fun in the meantime before you meet your next love!

Post # 6
345 posts
Helper bee

I was living with my ex and working for him and found out he was cheating and living a double life and lying to me. I was devastated, i had no where to live, no furniture or household things and nowhere to work, most of our friends were mutual friends ….and i was over 40. My ex was gorgeous, a multi millionaire, local celebrity, absolutely brilliant, we had so much in common and got along so well, how would I ever find anyone who measured up?? EASY, by finding someone who realized how amazing *I* was and didn’t cheat. I used savings to move into a furnished cottage. Was able to go back to my old firm to work, made new friends, got a dog, bought my own house. After about a year i decided I was ready to date. I said to a coworker I was going to start dating. I was driving home that night realizing i was actually happy alone. I did want to spend life with someone, but i wasn’t worried that I’d never find anyone. I was happy. Two days later I met the true love of my life. He’s absolutely perfect for me, I am happier than i have ever been in my life…. and i need to reiterate, im over 40. This didnt happen at 20 or 30 – most women on here come in looking for hope after a breakup like their lives are over and they’re like 29, it’s never too late. I have probably gone through more ‘major’ breakups than anyone, and I still found my true life partner. 

Post # 7
1008 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

My college sweetheart of 5 years dumped me 7 months out from our wedding. After I had moved two states away for him. While living with his sister. Desperate and shell-shocked I quit the new (really cool) job I had just started and dropped everything for a second time to move back to my home state and try to make things work. They didn’t.

I fell off the deep end for a while; I was experiencing the loss of the future I envisioned and my entire identity. It took some time to fully recover, and I did some stupid things in that time—like dating again way too quickly. But one day I just sort of woke up and decided that I was living my life the way I wanted and going to be come who I wanted to be; for me that meant cutting off all my hair, piercing my nose, moving to the city, and getting the dog I always wanted. This part is important because they were all things I wanted to do but my ex wouldn’t let me; he made me feel like I would be unloveable if I did those things.

One year (almost exactly) after I said goodbye to my ex for good I started dating a really cute and funny guy that was friends with my brother. Less than a year later we moved in together. A year and a half after that he asked me to marry him. I never thought anyone would love me or would want to marry me, but it happened. The important thing is that I started to really live before it did.

Post # 8
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was 23 years old and 6 months away from my wedding when I finally woke up and realized that my abusive fiance of 5.5 years was not going to get any less abusive with time. So, I called off the wedding and threw myself into my new job in real estate. Ex-FI ended up moving across the country a month or two later.

I spent the next 1.5 years drinking heavily and sleeping around every weekend to mask my pain. I was extremely vulnerable and insecure during this time, and I got into a few relationships I shouldn’t have been in because I was lonely.

When I finally left the last bad relationship, I made a promise to myself that I was going to stay single until the right man came along. Two months later, I met my now husband. It has been 3 years since we met and we just got married last month. He is the best decision I have ever made!

Post # 9
10190 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
papayagirl :  

Too many to count, Bee.  At my advanced age, I’ve been through lots and lots of break ups.  Some were excruciating, some were a big relief.  But, it always turned out to be for the best.  There was always someone better in the pipeline.

Post # 10
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My partner of about 4 years cheated on me with a friend. I stayed and tried to save the relationship. He wanted an open relationship. I went along with it. He got cross when I started meeting another man occasionally because he had not actually found anybody willing to have sex with him. He went back and forth between wanting to look at houses with me and ignoring me. So around Easter I sat him down and told him I was leaving for good. He basically refused to believe me and actually told mutual friends I didn’t even break up with him. 

In summer I started using okcupid and had a few dates. My ex started harrassing me because of that and also made some rather unpleasant remarks about my influence on his children. When he basically called me a slut for having dates with different men (for some reason he thought I had gone straight to bed with them – and even if I had, it would have been none of his effing business), I completely broke off contact.

I started chatting to this guy in September. We also ran into each other because we had mutual friends. We had our first date on the 2nd of October. We had our second date on the 3rd of October. I took him home that day and we immediately agreed to go exclusive. He was understanding about my trust issues, he was patient and sweet and kind from day one and has been exactly like that every single day of our relationship (ok, he has his occasional rants when he’s had to deal with annoying customers). He has never raised his voice in argument, he has told me every single day that he loves me (he waited for me to say it first bc he didn’t want to scare me off). He was super excited to introduce me to his family and friends. He was always keen to spend time but also ok with not hanging out ALL the time. We renovated an old house last year, I proposed on Christmas Eve, we will be married a little more than 4 years after our first date. I am turning 33 soon and sure, things didn’t go as planned, but I couldn’t be happier. 

Post # 11
4042 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

I was with my ex-h for 5 years when we got married. 1.5 years later we were both miserable and I was tired of being in a relationship with so many secrets and lies. I left my ex and started dating immediately. 6 months and a few broken hearts later I decided that heartbreaks were far too painful to waste on men who didnt deserve it. 6 months after that, I met my SO. I wish I had known all along that relationships could feel this good. That it’s worth it to wait for someone who respects you, loves you for who you are and is committed to working through the tough stuff with you. 2 years ago I was devastated and could hardly go an hour without bursting into gut-wrenching sobs…. and now, I’d do it all again to meet my SO and experience a love like I have with him. There is hope. You just have to love and respect yourself enough to not give your heart to people who don’t deserve it. Chin up, bee. We’ve all been there, and it will get better!

Post # 12
454 posts
Helper bee

I got you girl! I spent five years with a man I loved dearly. He wasn’t very nice to me at all but he was my children’s father and he was the man I loved more than anything. We struggled. I tried to be better all the time. We fought like crazy. Still I held on. He ended up leaving me and our children. I was devastated. I fell into a deep depression and vowed to never give my heart to another man ever again. I didn’t think I had it in me and I seriously couldn’t handle heartbreak again. I met a man soon after who I stayed with for two years. I didn’t love him but I figured he’d do and I wouldn’t have to worry about heartache. On the end I left him and decided I’d wait for more or be satisfied alone but he wouldn’t work for me. During my time with him I also think I was healing from my past relationship. At the end of the two years I was okay to move on and met my now fiancé. And let me tell ya, he’s amazing and well worth the wait and I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been and I’m treated so much better than I’ve ever been! Loves out there and it will come when the time it right. I did a lot of praying about what I wanted in a partner and God sent me just who I asked for 

Post # 13
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I was with my ex husband for 10 years total, 8 years married, when he blindsided me out of nowhere and said he wanted a divorce. We had a 3 year old daughter together. I begged him to go to marriage counseling with me for the sake of our daughter. The guilt worked and he went, but he wouldn’t truly invest in the process and was just going through the motions. I told him I would call the divorce attorney after an especially harsh evening where he said things that he will never be able to take back. Things that STILL to this day piss me off, 5 years later. 

My self esteem was at an all time low. I started working out a ton to help with the anxiety I was dealing with. I started intensive counseling to deal with the root cause of why I was attracted to a person who had treated me the way he had. I focused on my friendships with girlfriends, dated a ton and a little more than a year after we split up, I met my now husband. We’ve been together nearly 4 years and were married a little over a year ago. He is the most amazing father figure for my daughter (although she still has her time with her dad) and he treats me like a queen. 

Don’t give up hope. Going through heartbreak helps guide you to the right people for you, if you use the heartbreak to propel you forward.

Post # 14
2236 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
papayagirl : 

You are not going to find love until you start making some changes inside yourself.

You seem to be attracted to flaky assholes. Then you accept their flaky, asshole behavior. Then you get caught up in all the drama their flaky, asshole behavior creates.

Then, surrounded by bright red flags, you invariably decide that YES THIS IS THE GUY FOR ME, and invest fully in the success of the “relationship.” 

You are still using relationships (guys’ affection or lackthereof) as external validation to prop up your sense of self worth.

So long as you continue to do that, you will date, and be heartbroken over, one loser guy after another.

You need to break this pattern, and the only way to do that is to change the way you view yourself and the way you view partners. 

Instead of focusing on this dramatic “heartbreak,” start taking steps toward learning to love yourself.

Start taking steps to realizing that love is not about getting someone to date you so you can feel “good enough.” 

Start taking steps to realizing that the kind of relationship drama that currently excites you and lures you in closer SHOULD repulse you and send you running for the hills. 

You have so much work to do to get to a place where you can attract a quality guy, to where you can be an equal partner for that quality guy. 

STOP looking outward for the next Roller Coaster Ride of Validation, and instead take some time to youself to grow. 

Post # 15
1088 posts
Bumble bee

My story is a little different.  My first husband, T, was the love of my life – my soulmate – my best friend.  He was diagnosed with cancer when we were 25 and died 7 years later.  I truly believed my life was over and that there was no way in the world I would ever get married again or even date!  It felt like I would be cheating on my husband.  But then P came along.  I was lonely and he made me smile.  We started dating and even though I was so scared to let myself fall in love, I did.  It was complicated, but over time, our relationship has grown so much and I love P now with all my heart too.  We got married almost two years ago, I’m a stepmom now to an amazing boy, and we have our our child together.  I am so happy and never thought it would happen for me.  Life is not always going to turn out the way we expect, but sometimes it surprises you in a good way.  Hang in there.

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