Success stories after heartbreak?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

papayagirl :  I’m so sorry to hear this, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You may not see why now, but someday, you will. My ex left me after four years of dating. I think we both knew it was over, but it was still hard. I gave myself a few weeks to be sad then decided to move on. Happiness is a choice we have to make every single day. I spent a lot of time in my teens and early 20’s taking wayyyy too long to get over a breakup and regret wasting that time being sad. I think my attitude adjustment led me to meet my current husband. I met him about four months after my ex and I split. My husband is the proof of why the universe told me no so many times in the past. He is everything I could have dreamed of and more.

Keep your head up. Heartache hurts, bad, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Live for you and the right person will show up.

Post # 17
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I broke up with my college boyfriend because he was cheating. We had been in and off again for about 5 years. He had cheated (or almost cheated) before. He had some major issues which I knew about. I had just been afraid to be without him. When I finally broke it off for real, I was devastated for awhile. I didn’t know how to live without him. Everything reminded me of him and I remember that I started crying while grocery shopping. 

I met my now husband shortly after this break up. At first, I wasn’t interested in anyone else at all. I kept running into him at events. Theee months after the break up, I started dating him. We’ve been together 21 years now!! 

Post # 19
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

My first fiancee died in Iraq. He was a marine.

Next one, we were together 11.5 years together and he cheated repeatedly and tried to kill me.

Next one, got engaged and was planning a wedding when he decided he wanted to move back in with parents and be a kid again, no responsibilities. When we got together, I helped him grow up by helping him get a real full time job, manage finances, even taught him to do laundry and make some simple dishes. We were together for 2.5 years. He was everything to me and I didn’t realize i was even capable of heartbreak like that. I’m cold and logical and just not an emotional person but he was different. My nickname even to this day is Elsa! I put up a good front but I was a mess. He immediately regretted his decision but I gave him conditions on ever taking him back and he didn’t fulfill them. He still tells me he loves me and misses me despite having a girlfriend. She knows it too but she never left him. I couldn’t be with someone knowing they loved their ex. 

Next one, we’ve been dating for 2.5 years now and waiting on proposal (have ring in the house somwhere!). We met months after the breakup with previous ex and became friends. That’s what we both wanted. I was working on myself and finally getting better. He was always there for me. He hinted at wanting a chance and being attracted to me but I just couldn’t do it and friend zoned him. After a particularly bad fight with my ex, I went to his house and I decided to come on to him, knowing he wanted me too. He turned me down. Instead, he made me a drink, put on a Disney movie and just held me. I fell asleep and he tucked me in and in the morning, made me breakfast. When asked about it, he said he knew I was in a vulnerable place and the last thing I needed was to do something like that and regret it and he cared about me way too much to let it happen. That was it. I knew then he was worth giving a shot. I know he was just being a gentleman but after the breakup, I had several guy friends, some even married, who tried to sleep with me (one even pulled a naked man) and this was a refreshing change. About a week later, I was at his house and on speaker phone with my sister with him (they got along immediately) and I don’t remember how it came up, I think we were talking about friend zone, and he asked if I wanted him to be honest and I said yes, even offered to hang up with my sister and he said she could listen (another huge point his way!) and he spilled his guts. He told me how he felt, what made him so interested in me, everything. I had tears though I’m not the sentimental type and just grabbed his face and kissed him. 

The love I feel for my bf now is different from my ex before him. My ex’s love was intense with all abandoned, a headrush. My bf’s love is passionate yet stable and a constant contentment. While intensity is fun, it’s nothing like knowing we’re each other’s love of our lives and having a true partner I can count on.

Post # 20
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

When I was 19 my high-school boyfriend, who I was sure was the love of my life broke-up with me for a 17 year old, and then proceeded to say he was breaking up with me because of my bipolar disorder. I was heartbroken for a long time.

Then I had a wonderful boyfriend, things ended very badly when we went LD and it turned out he’d been dating someone else for a few months while we LD.

So I was single from the time I was 20 to about 26, when I met the man I’m married to. I was jaded, I was single, never getting married, I’d come to terms with the fact that I may not meet the man of my dreams.

Then it just happened, his sister set us up, we clicked and I knew I’d found someone that would be a partner to me, not just another relationship.

Post # 20
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

papayagirl :  I tried posting before but it’s now gone so hopefully this doesn’t create a double-post.

My ex-husband spent all our money/savings right before leaving me (mostly on booze and strippers). I was away on a vacation with my sister at the time. When I returned, he ended our marriage. It was a shock at first but I actually felt relief and excitement afterwards, we did not make each other happy and weren’t right for one another. We both made mistakes which ultimately ended our marriage. On top of spending all our money, he dumped an entire joint-debt on me, refusing to contribute to the payments and denying any attempt to communicate with him. He invited a stripper (who has the same name as me) and her two kids to live in our apartment before I even collected my things (furnitures, extra clothes, etc.), like WTF. I had moved in with my sister pretty much immediately but I see now that was a mistake. 6 months later he reached out to me saying he missed me and wanted us to be a family again (with our two dogs), he said that he would only address the debt if we were a family again otherwise I’m on my own (seriously messed up, he was trying to manipulate me into getting back together with him). I of course said NO WAY and asked him again to take responsibility for his part of the debt. He decided to call me names and ceased contact again (this was moments after he asked to get me back). 

Anyways, I got back into the dating world and dated a few guys. Some of them were just fun to be with but one of them I really liked (so much!). He ended up choosing another girl over me. It hurt me but I added the experience to my “lesson pile” and kept moving on with my life because I knew I wanted to be someone’s #1. 

Luckily I worked at a travel company and they helped me travel once a year (one of the perks!). So I was planning my next trip and really wanted to go to Egypt, but the flights were too expensive. My company only gave you a certain allowance for flights and the trip itself. My ex-husband left me so broke and destitute that there was literally only one country that I could afford to go to without accumulating extra debt: Turkey.

I met my current SO on that trip. In fact, he was my tour guide 🙈 (classic, I know). We did long distance for two years going back and forth, he took me to Peru and we went to Morocco (another work-sponsored trip). 

The thing is, we never would have met if my ex didn’t leave me in such a bad situation. He basically pushed me towards my new SO. Maybe I should thank him, lol! (not really)

No one has ever made me this happy. I used to date a guy that couldn’t even bike to my place to come see me and now I have a man who would cross oceans (and have) to have time with me. 

We actually joke that I might have an Egyptian Boyfriend or Best Friend right now if it wasn’t for my ex 🤣

I meant to keep this short but you know how these things go 🙃

We all deserve someone who is over the moon to be with us. 

Post # 21
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

cblank181 :  YES! I also believe everything happens for a reason 🙌 OP stay strong ❤️ Amazing things are possible 

Post # 22
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I was engaged to a guy who was cheating on me. I found out 5 months before the wedding, after all the STD’s had gone out, right as we were about to send out invitaiton. I was shocked beyond imagination, completely blind sided. He treated me really well (on surface), and if you asked those around us, they would’ve all said he was completely smitten. It was incredibly hard because he was super apologetic, swore up and down he will never do it again, begged me for another chance, showered me with sweet words, saying everything I wanted to hear, tears, the full shebang. In fact, I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone after finding out, *just in case* there was a possibility of overcoming this. But in the end I couldn’t overcome the resentment and called things off. 

I truly believed that he was the best I could ever do. I was so devastaed, felt like damanged goods, had serious trust issues. My girlfriends were the real MVP in the situation by listening to my endless rant, being my personal cheerleaders, even letting me stay with them for a while (I lived with my ex at the time and behing at home depressed me). They insisted that I need to give Tinder a try “just for fun” even though I told them no way in hell I’m ready. According to them I just needed to get some male attention, flirt harmlessly for confidence boost. Well I went on Tinder, and within 2 weeks I matched with my now Fiance. Even though I felt really comfortable around him like I could totally be myself right off the bat, not gonna lie, I kind of friend-zoned him, because 1) I was definitely NOT ready, and 2) I think unconsciously I was looking for someone like my ex, comparing every guy to him like it’s some kind of gold standard. UGH thinking back now, it’s gag-worthy. Thank goodness my now-FI saw something in me and stuck around. He is also the most patient person in the world. He “persuaded me” if you will, and after a year we made things official. 2 years later he proposed. Now I can’t even imagine my life without him. 

It horrifies me to imagine what my life would be like today if I proceeded with the wedding. At the time, it felt like I was making a mistake “letting him go” but hindsight 20/20 – I couldn’t be happier. The post-breakup brainwash of “no one is gonna be as good as him” is strong. Only time can help you snap out of it. Stay strong!

Post # 23
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I was with my ex for nearly 6 years, and I was happy – we called the wedding off with about 9 weeks to go because his Mom decided to tell him she hated me, all the reasons why, and threatened him until he had a literal breakdown and left me.

Getting over that was super hard – partly because he was my first love, partly because my whole future vision had him in it and my whole identity was wrapped up with him, and partly because his mom’s actions made no sense to me so I kept thinking he’d come back. He never did – although I’ve seen him a few times in the last 12 years and he’s never seemed to have recovered from it. It’s very sad and I wish him happiness.

I cried virtually every day for over a year. I didn’t think I could survive another heartbreak like that, or love someone else, so I threw myself into hobbies I loved and actively avoided dating for just over 10 years. Yes 10.

I’m still amazed that my Fi managed to find me, and even more amazed that he managed to win me over when I was so unsure about any type of romantic relationship when we met. He says he just knew I was the one from the first time we met and so he just calmly waited for me to realise it too!

Post # 24
Member
789 posts
Busy bee

I was with this ex for 3 years from 19 – 22. It was my longest relationship until I met my husband. We were engaged, but I really didn’t see myself marrying him, I was so young. Due to jobs, we became king distance. He didn’t like coming to my state to visit me, he had something bad to say every single time he came, no matter that I had come to his state way, way, way more. 

And one day I just got tired of his endless whining. I thought about the people at work who had asked me to go rafting that day and how much more I’d like to be with them, rather than listening to a whine-o. So I said I think we should see other people. 

I was sad about it and for a while no guy I dated really measured up to him. Until…I met my husband. 

Funny thing was, ex called me up about a year later to say that some girls were riding the bike I had left there. It was a clear attempt to elicit jealousy, but I didn’t bite. “They’re welcome to ride anything I used to ride”

I am SO SO SO glad that I got out of that relationship. I realized that we argued a lot (which my father had noticed). I was so dim-witted that I thought arguments were normal for relationships. The odd thing is earlier this year my sister gave me a call. She had spoken to him after he FB messaged her. He asked about me, etc. I was weirded out. I don’t love FB and this is one reason why. Who needs strange people crawling out of the woodwork when you least expect it? I had already had the same thing happen with my HS bf. 

So he had sent me a message, but I rarely go on FB. All this drivel about how we should be friends. I saw that he had been divorced (or rather my sister did) Well I don’t need any more friends, thank you very much. I never replied.

My father told me that a lot of older people’s affairs start on FB when they look up an old flame. I can see it happening easily. 

OP, you will be fine, and you will grow stronger, and hopefully wiser from the experience. Give yourself one year. And go to every activity you’re invited to. Takes your mind off things. Take care!

Post # 25
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

I got married a little less than two months ago to an amazing man, and a really good partner for me. I am 39 and it is my first marriage. I have had very intense and devastating heartbreaks along the way, and genuinely believed that two of those relationships would end in marriage. One broke up with me, and I broke up with the other. I have been treated abusively by an SO’s family, lied to, cheated on, dealt with ridiculous baggage,  you name it.

I have never felt more secure, appreciated and loved than with my husband. And I knew early on that we were well suited for one another and I didn’t wish or hope that we would get married, but rather, I knew we would get married.

It might sound corny or cliche, but whatever heartbreak you have been through, you can and will move onto something greater than you imagined was out there. Value yourself through this heartbreak.

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