Post # 1
I have been lurking on the different board for a while but this is my first ever post!
I am deliberating bridesmaids like all you other bees. Trust me I have read LOTS of bridesmaid fail/horror stories. I have read the threads about why you shouldn’t ask newer friends to be BMs.
I’d like to hear why it COULD work to ask a new friend (less than a year). Has anyone had success asking a new friend to be a bridesmaid? What was your reasoning and how did it go? Have you remained friends?
I know people say the friendship may not last, but I’ve also heard tons of stories of even long time friends fading away in the years after a wedding, so even being a trusted friend doesn’t guarantee someone will stick around.
TL;DR I’ve heard all the reasons not to ask a new friend to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, anyone have any success stories?
Thank you for your help!!!
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you, because I chose my closest friends. Is there a reason why you want to choose someone realtively new in your life? Are you trying to pad your numbers or…?
Post # 3
I’m not entirely sure what you mean by “success story.” If you end the day actually married, that sounds like a success to me, and it should be pretty easy to avoid high-drama people who might jeopardize that. If you’re asking for a prediction about if you’ll still be friends in 20 years, nobody can answer that, and if you’re expecting your bridesmaids to contribute a lot of time and effort to your decor or something, your expectations of bridesmaids may need to be adjusted.
If you like this person, don’t expect tons of free labor, and aren’t succumbing to the temptation of having 47 bridesmaids, then there is no reason not to have a fairly new friend in your bridal party.
Post # 4
How close are you to this new friend?
I became really close with one of my best friends right away, like we met and basically became besties right off the bat. 10 years later we are still just as close and we’re involved with each other’s wedding.
If I would have gotten married at the end of the first year of our friendship, she 100% would have been in my wedding.
I was in a friends wedding several years ago, we had been friends for years, but we no longer talk. Between moving away and just going different directions our friendship kind of came to an end. We’re still friendly with the occasional “happy birthday” or whatever on social media but that’s it.
So I don’t always think the length of the friendship says as much as some people think it does. I would pick on how close you feel to this woman, and not based on the time that you’ve known her, IMO.
Post # 5
I mean that I have heard lots of people say why you should NOT ask a new friend and I was curious to hear from people who did it and it went okay. Does that clarify?
I’m not expecting free labor, nor am I trying to have an expansive bridal party, so I’m not sure why you’re making that assumption……?
I’m considering asking her because we have become close friends, but I’ve seen many people warning against asking newer friends.
Post # 6
thank you for your input! It is a similar situation- instant besties. But I’ve read sooo many threads about why you shouldn’t ask a new friend, that’s why I’m trying to see the other side!
Post # 7
I am asking my two best friends, but wanted to add this other girl too, because we became close quickly. However I have seen a lot of people say DON’T ask newer friends, so I wanted to hear from people who did ask a new friend and how it went.
Post # 8
I only had two, a friend from more than a decade and one that I met in the last year. They were both amazing.
I knew by the second time I hung out with my newer friend that we’d be friends for life. We’re very very similar people.
Post # 9
that’s awesome!! Thank you so much!!
Post # 10
I mean, people caution against asking anyone too soon (i.e. if you have a long engagement and ask them right away instead of waiting closer to to about the 9 month mark – it really doesn’t take longer to pick out dresses and plan a shower if they wish than it does to conceive and birth a child). I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone specifically not to ask newer friends just on the basis of length of relationship, but instead suggest you ask your nearest and dearest. So it is about judging the quality of your relationship. Many people don’t tend to form quality lasting relationships in such short periods of time and/or we’re living in an age where people assume being “friends” on social media is the same thing as having a friendship (i.e. equating friendly with friendship), so as a general rule newer friends probably aren’t advisable because you likely don’t have a good measure of how they act and react in all kinds of situations. But the advice I’ve always heard has been related to nearest and dearest. Relationships that become close quickly can burn out just as quickly, but they can also last. Likewise asking a long-time friend can end up a dumpster fire as well.
Ultimately just use your head. No person is exactly alike and no relationship is exactly alike, so I’m not sure exactly what hearing success stories is going to do for you. It’s either going to be a shitty experience or it’s not no matter how many stories you hear because it’s dependent on the people involved. Again, use your head. None of us know whether she’s going to be a shitty person to have involved if she’ll be great or if being in your wedding party brings out characteristics in either one of you that ends up damaging the relationship.
Post # 11
thanks for your input. yes, that makes sense about not asking people too soon into the process.
I’m not asking if someone is going to be a bad person or for anyone to predict the future for me. It is helpful to hear people’s experiences just like it is for any situation where people are weighing their options. Part of using my head is curiosity about what worked for others!
You make a good point that quick friendships can also end quickly.
Post # 12
I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a wedding where I had known the bride maybe 1 1/2 – 2 years. We’re still friends and I’ve gone on to through her a baby shower and she is a bridesmaid in my wedding as well. I think you just have to use your best judgment. I also think it depends on how recent. For example I probably wouldn’t pick someone if I have been friends with them for a shorter amount of time than between now and the wedding. (i.e. I think mentally it would be hard if I’d been friends with someone say for 3 months and our wedding is a year). There’s no real reason why that is just what feels comfortable to me.
I think sometimes it feels like a wedding party should be your oldest and dearest, but that doesn’t hold true for everyone. I’m in contact with very few people from pre-college and those I am I am not very tight with. Most of my very close friends are people from adulthood.
Post # 13
thank you so much! that’s helpful. I am in a similar place where I have few childhood/college friends. Most of my friends are within the past 3-4 years, including folks 1 year or less. So I dont necessarily have the same measure of “longevity” in the friendship to go off of. And yes people do make it seem like it has to be the oldestttt friends. I wish I had BFFs of 10 years plus but my situation is a little different!
Post # 14
Sorry I posted too soon and added more info. Definitely not weird! Maybe a little unexpected because society makes you think it’s all super long friendships, but based on the closeness it made sense to me. It did test our friendship a bit because weddings are stressful and you often don’t see either person at their best but
i feel like we’d already seen each other in stressful, sad and hard times so it wasn’t like going from a friendship that’s based on kittens and rainbows to the real world.
Post # 15
yes I saw that haha I went back and added to my comment as well! Yes that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing your experience that helps a lot!