Post # 17
You can certainly send your invites out 4 months prior, but I think you’re going to run into a hard time trying to get people to RSVP in time. Are there some Korean relatives that you could have your mom pester to get their answer early? Since you’re really only looking for 6-8 spots, you only need 6-8 people to decline before you can send them. So I’d be thinking of people that likely may not come and try to get an answer from them. Because I think your TX friends need at least 3 months to get their flights and time off work and everything.
Post # 18
@MsGinkgo: you’re so right…I’ve been wracking my brains about how to do this!
Post # 19
@JenGirl: My mom is difficult – she would lie to me and say they were coming just in case they changed their minds. She is stubborn too – so if they say they aren’t coming she’ll just pretend like she will get her way until the day of when they don’t show up. Hard to explain her craziness. They would be flying from Korea so I think it’s safe to say I might know in time where the B-list might not even be an issue. Assuming that buying a ticket from korea you would AT LEAST purchase it 3-4 months out. I’m just trying to think ahead and not wait last minute to put together a game plan on this!
Post # 20
We did our invites 2.5 months out and have 4 weeks to RSVP. I had a few come in right away, some trickle in throught the time frame, and a lot the last week. There are a few people who never sent me the RSVP card… I think most people tend to wait until the last moment, so you should definitely minimize your RSVP window.
Most people don’t need over a month to figure out whether they’re coming. We had a few special circumstances, so when the RSVP date came and went I didn’t reach out knowing to those people (since they asked me beforehand if they can let us know later). That system should probably work for you.
Post # 21
OP: Quick question- is everyone having to travel to this wedding, or is it just the Texans?
Post # 22
@chic_and_fabulous: New England people will need to travel far enough by car to rent a hotel room and Texas will need to fly obviously and rent a hotel room.
Post # 23
@xkrsa: I voted #1 because even if you send the B list invitations out three months before, it’ll still give them some time to decide whether or not they can come and it’s not too early.
I’m also a fast rsvp-er but others are not! From my experience, you’ll be hunting rsvps up until the month before. Yeah people are annoying like that.
Post # 25
I didn’t even realize people think a B-list is rude! I’ve always planned to do one. My wedding would have required travel from 2/3 of the guests no matter where we had it, so it’s really hard to predict how many declines we’ll have, and we know approx how many people we can afford to feed (though we’d love to have more) so I’ve always assumed the B-list just made sense.
Post # 26
I voted for option 1. That’s plenty of time for A listers to decide and enough time for B listers to make travel arrangements. Some people think B lists are rude, but I think in some circumstances they are a necessity. I have an 85% Out of Town guest list (most out of state and 3-5 hours away by PLANE). And if 25 more people attend than I thought, it adds $4,000 to my catering bill. I’ll be doing a B-list too. Don’t let the negative/rude bees bother you. People understand wedding guestlists are difficult! Good luck!!
Post # 27
We sent our out at 3.5 months mostly beceause our hotel block was going to close 2 months before the wedding and we wanted people to have plenty of time to assess travel costs since it’s a destination wedding.
We have received about 60% back and are 2.5 weeks away from our RSVP deadline. It depends on the crowd. My whole side is RSVP’d except 4 which I expect are not coming.
Post # 28
Oh I should have commented I think you should sent at 4 months but have the RSVP deadline closer. Some people will respond but if you have people RSVP so early, you would probably need to call/confirm with a lot of people to ensure plans haven’t changed. A lot can happen in 3 months.
Post # 29
If your B list is only 6-8 people, I would just invite them with everyone else. They have to fly, and have known you for less than 2 years, so chances they will all RSVP yes are slim. I bet only 1 to 2 of your Texan couples (2-4 people) will attend at most.
If you’re not comfortable with that idea, I’d send your A list invites 3 months ahead and ask for RSVPs by 2 months ahead. Sending invites any earlier than that is way too early for a non-destination wedding.
What’s your venue capacity and how many people are on your A list?
Post # 30
@PromiseRooster: I personally think its only rude if you announce to people that they are b-list. I think everybody does it in some form or another whether they will admit it or not. With venues that have minimums, who wants to pay for empty seats and uneaten food when you have other friends that you would love to invite but were not able to for whatever reason. Some family obligations and budgets won’t allow you to invite everyone you want because you are required to be able to accommodate everyone invited. There is no easy answer, but it can and will be done. I know the rules say that its rude but you can do it without being obvious and with decent timing. Its just like all the other wedding etiquette that’s gone out the window.