(Closed) Successful marriage

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Me & Darling Husband have been married 23 years. The most important thing from the beginning is, that you want the same things out of life.

After that, it helps to have a long marriage if neither of you is the type to slam doors, break things, do little revenge acts, spite acts, etc. That escalates and never ends well.

You both have to relax. Accept dull times. And know, there will be hard times, whether you think so or not.

Post # 17
Bee
11812 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I listened to a podcast (sorry, I don’t remember which one!) where someone who had studied successful relationships said that one important factor is that you and your partner believe that your relationship/marriage is special–better than most. Whether or not that’s actually true is irrelevant. But if you believe it to be true, you’re more likely to have a happy, successful relationship.

Post # 18
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Be completely sure you’re with the right person.

Respect each other.

Know how to say ”You’re right”, ”You’re wrong”, ”I’m right”, ”I’m wrong..”…. It’s important to stand up for yourself when you believe you’re in the right, and it’s important to hear your partner out when he believes he’s in the right. Both parties should be able to say ”sorry” and ”thank you for apologizing”… So basically a good mix of confidence and humility in both of you.

Compromise.

Doing little things for each other and thanking each other for them.

Putting your relationship first. (example: I recently developped a small crush on someone I often bump into. My response to that was to schedule a bunch of date-nights with my husband and hire a babysitter. My husband and I had a few lovely evenings and I was quickly reminded that I’m not interested in looking elsewhere. If you’re having any problems, look towards your husband/wife, not away.)

Don’t air your dirty laundry with friends and family. Unless your SO is abusive (in which case any of the above advice isn’t relevant because the only good advice would be ‘leave’), there’s no reason to tell your sister/girlfriend/mom that you and your husband had an argument about x and y and he was in a bad mood. Deal with it amongst yourselves, not with other. A relationship should be 2 people, not 10.

Don’t look to your SO as your source of happiness. Happiness should come from within yourself. Your SO is your companion, not your lifeline. Otherwise over time it’ll be draining for the one doing all the ”supporting” and not getting much back.

I’m sure there are plenty more. You don’t just make the commitment to your husband/wife on your wedding day. You do it again and again, when you wake up in the morning, when you go through hard times… marriage is a choice and if you both choose it everytime there’s a crossroads then you’ll be fine.

 

Post # 19
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been married for 29 years.  

What’s the secret of a good marriage? 

I have no recipe to give you.  I’m sure lots of people have given you plenty of pointers.

My own contribution is:

1. Keep talking to each other.

2. Lots of hugs, kisses, physical contact, love making.

3.  Never treat your spouse like an old sock – something a person might be fond of but they are so comfortable with it they can ignore it.  Marriage needs to be passion and enthusiasm and interest and poetry in the most unlikely and exciting and mundane of situations.

Post # 20
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Get married when you feel like you don’t need marriage.  If you are getting married to try to save something, or you think things will be better once you are married, you’re not ready to get married. When it feels like everything is right in your relationship and you don’t need that piece of paper then you are ready to be married. 

Divorce is always an option, so treat your spouse in a way that makes them want to stay married to you.  I think sometimes when people get married they think their partner has to stay with them now they are married. But if we’d continue to treat each other like we did when we were dating and make sure our partners want to be with us, there would be a lot less divorce.

Hopefully I don’t sound cynical laughing

Post # 21
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Growing up and seeing relationships fail around me including my own I slowly learned what makes a relationship perfect yet it takes dedicated hard work from both individuals in turn makes it easier. I’ve learned that money plays a big factor in wether a relationship is strained or comfortable, its important to have a budget planned and is follwed religiously (savings,charity,bills and extra for a rainy day). ALWAYS have a common Goal in sight and when you reach it … replace it. SELFLESSNESS is the glue that will hold you together, although it’s tough to get in the habit, ALWAYS think of your partners needs and always express your own because nobody can read minds, Selflessness is the opposite of selfishness, one creates perfect harmony when tuned to the same note while the other creates destruction to the souls that encounter them. COMPROMISE is also a big one, without it there’s emotional war in the midst of a Beautiful relationship, ALWAYS find a middle ground with one another, remember your thinking about the others happiness through selflessness sometimes it will mean giving something up thats important to you but in the end, seeing them happy will make you happy. KEEP your arguments and sex life private from people close to you if conflict Arrises, jealous eyes might be watching and waiting to sweep in and give comfort or selfish influence and direct your relationship into destruction, I’ve been there a few times as well and it’s not fun to be on the losing side. WHEN you argue let it be more like a peace talk, for most times it boils down to a misunderstanding, don’t raise your voice and listen ,REMEMBER your trying to resolve the issue not make it worse. ALWAYS Apriciate and compliment eachother every chance you get you never know when they might feel low or taken for granted. ALWAYS Keep it fresh with flowers or letters sent via mail, use your imagination it’s a muscle too, don’t ever stop surprising them and always keep them guessing. NEVER Stop improving yourself with your partner in mind, find your flaws and perfect them. ALWAYS make time for eachother No Matter what life throws at you. NEVER give up ,it ALWAYS gets easier, and ALWAYS keep GOD at the center. I Hope This Finds You Well As you Start Your New Life Together.

 

Post # 22
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

broccoli2309 :  I agree with you 100%!  I’m too absolutely opposed to sharing details, moments pictures of my most precious relationship online. I don’t understand why some women post these “happy” pictures on Facebook with hashtags like HAPPYWIFE, LOVEFOREVER and so on, this is so private… I do believe that people who do it are literally trying to prove something to themselves and to others, to convince themselves that this is a good relationship, while they are not fully happy in it. Because when I am happy, I know I am happy, I don’t need other people’s LIKES to prove to myself that I am succesfull and happy in my life.  

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