Post # 1
I’m about to spit this all out–stuff that’s been on my mind for a while. Apologies for length.
I’m having such anxiety over my waiting situation today, and I just want some reassurance. I moved into my SO’s house about a month ago (Yay!), but I have feelings of turmoil because I always had a policy that I would never move in with a guy if there weren’t firm marriage plans on the horizon. (We’ve been dating for a little over a year– he’s 31, I’m 25)
With my SO, it was a little different. We’ve been talking about marriage since about the 4th month we were dating. He says I’m “the one” and refers to me as his “wifey” when he’s all tipsy and amorous. He says he would marry me “tomorrow” if he could. The only problem? MONEY. Always money.
He assures me he’s not stalling– he says he doesn’t want either of us to wait very long to begin our married life together. He only says he wants to be financially secure enough for us to afford a ring and a ceremony “worthy of our love and commitment to each other.” This is SO LOVELY. I appreciate it so much and I’m confident that he’s being honest with me about not stalling. He also says “You won’t have to wait long, believe me.”
The thing is, his job barely pays enough to cover basic expenses… and I’m unemployed. We’re fixing up the house right now, and he’s getting ready to record an album.
We’ve talked about alternative rings– I’ve opened my heart to the possibility.. but when it comes down to it, I know I would prefer something traditional. Nothing gaudy or over-the-top, just something that says “yes! this is an engagement ring!” I don’t want to field questions for the rest of my life like–“is that a class ring?” or “Is that what you really wanted?”. That’s just my personal preference. I know alternative rings are really gorgeous, I would just prefer something traditional. I also unabashedly like diamonds. 🙂 Am I being unreasonable?
We’ve agreed that “ready” is not Tens of thousands of dollars– just several thousand dollars.
I just need to breathe and be patient and have faith in him. I know. It’s just hard today. :/
Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
Would you be open to getting a CZ ring for now, and possibly upgrading in the future? Or just getting a CZ ring and sticking with that? A lot of them look like real diamond rings, and they definitely look like engagement rings! (At least, they do to me! But I have an “alternative” ring, and I do field questions about whether it’s a “real engagement ring” occasionally.)
Perhaps you could show him some options that you like (some of the CZ sites are really cheap — Berricle and emitations come to mind) and you guys could make a potential budget for the wedding you want. You could figure out where you would get married and how much everything would cost, and then start putting money away a bit at a time. That might make it feel more manageable and you could have a definite timeline for when there WILL be enough money!
Good luck! My Fiance was procrastinating a bit because he didn’t know what kind of ring I wanted…once I told him “I don’t care, just get me something under $50 from etsy,” I got a proposal within a month!
Post # 4
How about this ring?
It’s cubic zirconia. You don’t need a diamond to be engaged. If you are SET on having a diamond, then maybe take a look at Overstock.com…http://www.overstock.com/search?keywords=engagement+ring&refinemetal=White+Gold&refinediamond+color=White&searchtype=Header A lot are under $1000.
Post # 6
I have looked at a lot of CZ rings– even white sapphires and moissanite. With the CZ rings, I’m having trouble finding them in my size (4). I’ll find a great one, then realize they don’t carry it in my size. 😛
I’m thinking the solution might be a compromise with what SO originally suggested: he suggested that our jeweler- artist friend design my engagement ring and include sand from the beach where he was born (I think this was a cool idea) and put a peridot in the middle (his birthstone, the color of my eyes). I think what I objected to most was the peridot– I really don’t wear much green, and again with the having to explain that it’s an engagement ring stuff.
I think the solution might be to find a small loose diamond and set it in the custom setting. This would make it special AND less expensive. …I just don’t want to dictate to him what to do, ya know? His mom also sells jewelry wholesale and has connections there so…
Post # 7
@Ceyx54: I think the idea of the custom made ring is great! I know what you mean about explaining that it’s an engagement ring…but honestly, I have a diamond and people don’t really ASK about it. If I raise my hand and it catches the light, they’ll MAYBE comment…but usually it’s within the context of a conversation about our upcoming wedding.
I don’t know what your style is, but this peridot ring does look engagement-y…it’s “only” $859, too!!!
Post # 8
Both of those are gorgeous, @peachacid ! The thing I’m realizing is that I’ve really only looked at rings online, so I’m not entirely sure what I’ll like on my hand (like the whole dress looks better on a person than on a hanger thing:). I think I need to look at/ try on some actual physical engagement rings before I know what size/ cut of stone I might like on ME. I’m a little nervous about going alone, though, and I don’t want to freak SO out by dragging him to Tiffany’s on a covert op, LOL.
Post # 9
@Ceyx54: Go alone or with a friend. Say, “My boyfriend wanted me to try on some rings that cost around $xxx, just to see what I liked. Could I try on some rings, and write down the information on the ones I love?”
I did that with wedding bands at a few stores, just to see what I liked.
Post # 10
agree with peachacid – go with a friend to try on rings – there’s much less pressure to buy a ring when it’s not your fiance with you.
Purchasing a loose diamond and having it set in the custom setting could definitely be cheaper. You could also try the Ultra Diamond outlet – right after Fi proposed, we passed by the Ultra Diamond outlet in NY and they were having a sale. The same ring that he had purchased through Amazon was on sale in Ultra Diamond, and cheaper than the price he had paid.
This is the link to the first picture peachacid provided: http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Silver-Round-Cubic-Zirconia/dp/B005VDRKY0/ref=sr_1_1?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1343095719&sr=1-1&keywords=cz+engagement+rings
They do carry it in a size 4 – and you can look at the real person picture in the uploaded customer images. I also have this ring (although I just sent it back to be exchanged for another size) and it does look like an engagement ring (I purchased it as a substitute ring, one I can wear if I go to a crowded concert or something and am scared of something happening to my ring) I can take a picture of what it looks like when I get the new ring and upload it here for you if you’d like.
Also, Amazon allows you to specify your search by ring size, and they have a large selection of CZ engagement rings in size 4: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_p_n_feature_twelve_b_4?rh=n%3A3367581%2Cn%3A%213880591%2Cn%3A16014541%2Cn%3A3890311%2Ck%3Acz+engagement+rings%2Cp_n_feature_nine_browse-bin%3A5408594011%2Cp_n_feature_twelve_browse-bin%3A5408654011&bbn=3890311&keywords=cz+engagement+rings&ie=UTF8&qid=1343095707&rnid=5408649011
Have you considered an Asha CZ or an Amora Moissanite, or even waiting until the Amora Gem comes out? (Supposedly in the fall) Or perhaps purchasing a vintage ring? (you can find them online or in pawn shops)
I also saw this on etsy once, a seller was selling glass stones that could be set in rings, (like these http://www.etsy.com/listing/91569716/vintage-orange-glass-gems?ref=sr_gallery_18&ga_search_query=glass+gems&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_search_type=vintage)
Perhaps you could ask your artist friend if there is a way to make a green glass gem (glass originating from sand from the beach where your Fi was born) to set in the custom setting?
Post # 11
This is my take, and it is alot different than others, many people will not agree with me. But if you do, how you go about explaining your SO of it, is an entirely different matter.
In life, if we always waited until there was “enough” money, it wouldn’t happen. Many people put off having children until there is “enough” money, and 5 to 7 years go by, they are approaching 40 and no children, and now its “do we want children at this age.”
Another example, I want to take my son, my SO’s daughter, and the two of us to Disney World in the Spring, sure its expensive and we can’t really terribly afford. But if we waited until there was “enough” money, it would be years & our children would be out of the stage of life & all 4 of us would miss that experience. So instead of crossing it off the list, we are opting for cheaper options, to make the package as cheap as possible.
There will never be “enough” money for anyone. Because as soon as there is “enough” money, we find a plan, a use, for it. And we are yet again in the same situation, waiting for “enough” money to do this or that.
Post # 13
@flowersandfaerydust: I’m with ya 🙂
OP, it sounds like the ring is very important to you. Is your SO able to save anything at all toward your engagement ring? How do you feel about your job search – is it likely that you’ll be able to contribute to be household so that he can save more toward your ring? How much will it cost for him to record the album?
Sorry for all of the questions – I just feel like you need to be realistic about your timeline vs. the amount of funds that your SO can actually save toward the ring that you want. If he literally has no way to save because all of his money is going somewhere else, then you might need to understand that a CZ or plain band will suffice. It sounds like your jeweler friend has a great plan, but it also sounds relatively spendy – will you pay the jewelery designer? Have you checked out loose diamond prices?
I would just hate for you to wait and wait and wait for more money to come in, because itnsounds like you’re already frustrated with the timeline. What if no money comes in, and you’re still waiting?
Post # 14
@Ceyx54: I think that as long as the relationship is progressing nicely, you don’t have to be too worried that a proposal won’t happen. It does sound like you’re on the marriage track. I wonder if it would be too much if you talked about the ring with him. I don’t know your relationship, but my bf and I have openly discussed the ring – how much it’ll cost, what we have to sacrifice to get it, etc. I try not to nag him about it or discuss it all the time (even though I’m obsessed lol), but it’s definitely not the pink elephant in the room. If you feel you can talk to him about the ring, talk realistically about what it will take to get it. Maybe he just needs a little nudge to start saving for it? Maybe one or both of you needs to get a part-time job to help cover more expenses? Just ideas.
Edit – Blue Nile is a great place to buy rings at a lower cost. They buy a LOT of diamonds, and have no overhead costs, so you get more bang for your buck.
Post # 15
Ah I hate money! My SO is the same about money. It’s the only thing holding us back. He talks about where he wants to be financially when he gets engaged and I have a feeling that will never come. I wanna talk to him about it and make sure he is being realistic.
Post # 16
@Ceyx54: You could also check out pawn shops, if you’re brave enough. My sister found a lovely real diamond e-ring and wedding band for just a few hundred dollars. It was soooooo much cheaper than buying new. They shopped together, and found something they liked that was in their budget. Actually, I think they could have afforded something substantially more expensive, but they both are very frugal about jewelry and instead prioritized spending their money elsewhere – like the wedding or their next vacation!