Post # 17
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Money is always an excuse. Try to figure out a way to let him know that you want to be with him with or without the money. Poor people get married and have kids every day with little to no worry about how expensive it all is.
Is he going to use it as an excuse for other things as well? Money is the biggest excuse used by men to put off having kids. So you may end up waiting on a lot more things than a ring and vows.
Post # 18
@memo: Sounds just like my situation– arrggh!! Waiting to see if his business takes off. . . urk. I actually said to him that I’m not waiting indefinitely for some goal that will never materialize (though I didn’t say it quite that way, which makes it soud like I’m insulting his business endeavor)!
If they’re happy living with us and there is some way to save a little for a ring, then WHAT is the big problem?
Anyway, the thing is, if money is a problem, then before deciding to get a ring, you need to figure out where the money to get it is going to come from. So miserable when money is tight and one partner is unemployed– I went through this last winter. Things WILL get better, though– ceyx54, I would say to keep plugging on looking for a job, unless there is a reason you can’t/shouldn’t have a job. It takes a while these days and is a huge amount of work, but that seems to me like it would be the best practical solution to your problem. And in the meantime, all the resources the PPs have suggested for finding a relatively inexpensive engagement ring look great to me!
Post # 19
Yes! Thank you everyone, for your suggestions. They are all making me feel a bit better about our situation, and have helped to clarify a few things for me.
We are just going through a particularly rough financial patch right now– as soon as I have money coming in from a part-time job, I will feel a million times more relaxed. I think my anxiety for my financial situation in general was expressing itself through the release-valve of “engagement ring/ marriage” because it’s something I really want, and it feels so close (and yet so far).
I don’t think he’s purposefully stalling– I talked in another post about how seeing a production of A Christmas Carol (of all things) made him realize that using money as an excuse to delay marriage is a slippery slope; it’s an invalid reason for waiting. He just wants to be on a little bit more level ground financially– not totally secure. A goal that is attainable fairly soon.
I know I’ll end up with a beautiful ring– and a lovely wedding. And I know it will happen fairly soon if all goes well. *knock on wood* I have a man I love , who loves me dearly, and I am blessed to share my life with him. I just need to keep being thankful for what I have and have faith that everything will turn out for the best. Thanks for helping me to be patient!!! It’s hard, but you all help so much!
Post # 20
You could always get one at a pawn shop or an estate sale at your local jewelers. My daughter just got engaged in January, she’s only 18. He bought her a ring that did not look at all like an engagement ring. I told her to be honest and they went back and got a very pretty solitaire – estate *meaning it was owned before* mine is also estate. They got it for around 200 bucks and it is beautiful! It’s not the biggest ring or the thickest gold, but it is beautiful.
Post # 21
@whydoesithurt: such good advice and it’s like the ring has a new lease of life and a new story.
Post # 22
@Carolyn72: Absolutely. I would be all for an estate ring.
I think the qualms I had with the custom one was that I had this irrational fear that it “wouldn’t be pretty”…for some reason. The artist does very organic looking jewelry (all of it beautiful!) but again, not so traditional. I know this is ENTIRELY irrational. 1) because the artist, as I said, makes jewelry that makes me drool in lust– she’s so skilled and 2) my boyfriend has very impeccable taste–like, better than mine. He even bought me a necklace that was inspired by the vague specifications I’d given when he asked what I would want in a ring, and it is AMAZING. I even told him that if he could somehow transform the necklace into a ring, it would be a perfect and ideal engagement ring. Soooo…. I can be confident that he knows my taste (perhaps better than I do, LOL).
Post # 23
@flowersandfaerydust: Well said.
I would have LOVED to have a grand wedding— but it wasn’t worth waiting for 2-3 years to me to have the wedding of my dreams. We had a smallish wedding and cut lots of corners. We were sad to have to compromise some things- but in the end- I’m soooo glad I didn’t wait and wait and wait. We have wonderul memories of the day, fab pictures and we’re married.
I guess in the end you have to decide— is it worth waiting for financial security to have the ring/wedding that you have dreamt about. (And there’s no shame in that. Everyone has different priorities) OR is it more important to be married with a more modest ring/ wedding. You have to decide what the two of you want to do…. and live with it either way.
Post # 24
My SO’s first priority is paying his student debt (understandable) I’m still in school and will be for 4 years, but we have a basement apartment in my Mom’s house. She encourages us to get married while living here. I think once he has his debt paid off we’ll have a more clear view on when things will happen. I think I’ll use the line “we’re supposed to be together for richer or poorer.”
My Mom said she would pay for the wedding, so we’d just need a ring. Although I wouldn’t want to spend a lot on a wedding anyways.
Post # 25
Moisanite all the way says a newly engaged former Waiting Bee. I’m watching mine sparkle right now!
Post # 26
My fi and I had a choice, we could go to europe for three months or i could have a big awesome ring. We chose to go to europe, and he proposed to me in paris with his grandmother’s ring. It is not the ring i would have picked out in the store but it is beautiful and i love it. My point is the ring doesnt matter, your relationship is what matters. Is there a family ring he could use to propose?
Post # 27
@Ceyx54: I know you wrote this months ago, but I do feel your pain. My SO wants to have about 30,000.00 saved up for a wedding and honeymoon…EXCUSE ME?!?!? who the heck needs THAT? He also thinks we shouldn’t have kids until after we have 50,000.00 in the bank. WHAT? Okay, I’m 30, and this just seems impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having money in the bank and being stable, but these dollar amounts are very astronomical 🙁 good luck.
Post # 28
Jewlery TV has a CZ line called Bella Luce that are gorgeous & very affordable, I have one for $40 and another for $15 (auction). They have a really large selection as well. Jtv.com.