Sudden Awkwardness with MIL, long post.

posted 1 month ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think it’s a bit much how so many posters here are coming at this from a perspective that the Mother-In-Law is a narcissist or freaking out about losing her “baaaaaby”. 

OP was pretty clear that she has a good relationship with her Mother-In-Law and that this is out of the ordinary for her. Why do people have such a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that sometimes, typically reasonable people have irrational responses?? It happens! People are human and sometimes we let emotions drive us. 

OP – I think you should talk to your Mother-In-Law, but it doesn’t need to be a confrontation of any kind. You just need to hash it out so you can both get on the same page and get back to normal. 

Post # 34
Member
4356 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

kmbumbee190618 :  I was the last of my siblings to move out and get married. My mum was used to having a house full of people and with every sibling that moved out, I could see how it emotionally impacted my mum until she adjusted to the change. My mum is very careful about overstepping etc because she had a Mother-In-Law who did at every turn. She literally won’t even drop by my house unless expressly invited because she doesn’t want to impose on the lives of her children and their partners.

My point is it sounds like your Mother-In-Law is a decent person and has always been welcoming to you and supportive of your relationship with her son. I’d give her the benefit of doubt that she is just grieving the change of her family dynamics. You said she likes to entertain and have her family around her so she is probably acutely feeling the change. I’d give her time to adjust and maybe invite her out for a lunch and have a chat with her reaffirming how much you appreciate her support and welcome of you into her family. Hopefully a chat reaffirming how much you like her and want to have her around may help ease her unease around the change. I think she’s just adjusting to the new normal family dynamics. She probably just misses seeing her kids as often. I think a talk and some reassurance from you that she’s important to the both of you, will improve this situation. 

Post # 36
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think people are seeing this through the lenses of their own (perhaps not great) Mother-In-Law relationships. Also, narcissist seems to be the favorite bee diagnosis of 2019.

My family sounds a lot like your husband’s. We do dinners at least weekly, travel together…it’s increased since we had the only grandkids. If seemingly out of the blue we stopped coming around as much, my mom wouldn’t be mad because everything has to be about her. She’d probably be confused and worried she had upset us. Do you think it’s possible that the situation is reversed and she’s uncomfortable because she thinks you’re angry, or your feelings for her changed?

Post # 37
Member
4356 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

kmbumbee190618 :  I’m glad that it seems to be all OK with your Mother-In-Law. Who knows maybe she was upset or preoccupied with something else unrelated to you guys and you read it as something to do with you. I have lots of siblings and as teenagers, my mum would occasionally be worried about one of us and we could tell. We’d often have a conversation between all of us siblings trying to work out which one of us was the cause of my mums worry 😂

You might not have even been the cause of your MILs perceived mood. For all you know your SIL might be the cause!! 

Honestly it sounds like you like her a lot and that she’s a good woman and I’m pretty sure all the bees here are bringing their own situations with family  into their advice for you. Honestly I’m glad it’s all seeming better between you all. You even just rocking to her house for a regular catch up may gave reassured her that you guys meant nothing personal by your change of visit schedule. 

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