Sudden Baby Fever!

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
5249 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

We will find out in early 2019 if my daughter will be in the full day preschool program where she will go to kindergarten. This will determine when we have another one based on when her daycare expense will go away.

What’s helped me is looking ahead at calendars to see when temporary expenses are ending etc to see when we could reasonably start trying. That’s helped me stay on track

I’m also on medication that probably can’t be taken during pregnancy, so I’ll be talking to my doctor about the process of switching before we start to try.

Staying logical has helped me stay on track with the baby fever.

Post # 3
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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rodris28 :  I think you need to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. This doesn’t mean you make any demands of course or pressure him to TTC before he’s ready – but just let him know that your attitude has changed a bit since you discussed this and you think you might be ready to try sooner than the 2 years y’all had discussed. Give him some time to think about that and you might find that he’s ready to try sooner too…or perhaps not. You could suggest that you start trying right after your trip next July, which is still kinda far off but not as distant as 2 years.

My husband and I had lots of preliminary discussions about TTC and ended up moving our timeline up about 6 months from when we’d originally planned to start trying, largely cause I was 31 and was getting a bit antsy about fertility (since we want to have 2 kids). For us it wasn’t a one-time discussion, it was an ongoing dialogue we had for a few months where we both would frequently touch base with the other about where our head was on this, until we finally got on the same page and decided to dive in.

Post # 4
Member
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with 

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tiffanybruiser – Dh and I initially said “at LEAST a year married before TTC.” 

However, I’m 33, almost 34. And I’ve been feeling feverish, so we revisited the conversation and agreed to starting a little earlier… when we’ve been married ~9 months. 

We’re still 7 months out from that, and this is how I’ve spent my time:

– bought the Ava bracelet and OPK’s, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility (among others) and am tracking my ovulation every cycle. Hopefully, I’ll know when I tend to ovulate by the time we TTC, and we can approach it in a relaxed manner.

– put together a financial plan, including what our combined salaray currently goes toward, and goals for the future.

– put aside a hypothetical child care cost in future monthly “goal” expenditures to ensure we can afford it.

– wrote out a 5-year Househould/Marriage Plan.

– started researching all the various baby costs and then digging into the “best” brands in each category.

– I’ve got myself on prenatals and Dh on vitamins.

– Recently I’ve become desparate for distraction, and have started looking at nursery layouts of all things. Sigh

Post # 5
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Omg this is literally exactly what dh and I went through. After we talked my mind went full on baby mode like I wish I was pregnant NOW. But in the meantime I’ve had spikes of really wanting one and then appreciating things like sleeping when I want to, not having to get anyone else ready, spending money on eating out and stuff that we would cut back on if we have a baby. We’ve also been able to add things to our house and not worry about anyone else yet. I still very much wish we were trying already tho but we have our agreed upon timeline and don’t want to pressure dh into anything prior to that. I’m also in the process of trying to promote at my job but with my job it takes time so I’m glad I don’t have to worry about maternity leave or getting sick or something unforeseen while trying to go to the next level. In your situation I’d be so past ready though because I don’t want to have kids after 30. You two seem to be established too so I can understand why you’re ready. 

Post # 6
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband doesn’t feel ready yet. I don’t feel quite ready yet either but wanted to start TTC about a year from now, he wants to wait until closer to Summer 2020. We will maybe compromise at the start of 2020.

So right now I’m making a Pre- Baby Bucket list. Item #1 is to lose 55 lbs. I also want to run a half-marathon. Plan one or two big trips. This mostly keeps the baby-fever at bay.

It sounds like you need to talk to your husband again. When you TTC is a continual conversation a lot of the time. You don’t have to wait 2 years just because that’s what came up in the first conversation. Let your husband know you are feeling ready sooner.

Post # 7
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

31 also, and about 6 months ago I didn’t think DH and I would be TTC now, but here we are! We had a plan to start trying once everything was in place, better higher paying jobs, new appartment, better insurance (thanks to his work benefits), and of course psychologically ready…But for some reason I didn’t think he was serious about our plan, and I was feeling kind of depressed because I didn’t know weather or not he would actually go through with it once the time came…I felt this way because I was always the one talking about our imaginary future kids and “when I get pregnant…”…Then comes June (when everything fell into place) HE was the one who innitiated TTC and was soooo excited to start! I was overjoyed and very pleasently surprised!

The reason why I shared this story is because guys sometimes seem to not be as enthusiastic about baby making as we are at first, but in reality they are actually just as serious about it nonetheless. At least that’s how it was in my case… Maybe your husband is more ready than he seems to be? Maybe he’s going along with the later plan thinking that this is when you would be ready? I agree with a lot of other’s comments that best plan of action is to talk to him about how your feelings changed, you might be surprised, he might feel exact same way!

Post # 10
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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rodris28 :  I understand bee – I also didn’t want my husband to feel like I was pressuring him, because the last thing I wanted to do was drag someone into the world of babymaking who wasn’t fully on board with it. But I think there’s a way to have this discussion without it coming off that way. I basically just told my husband I was ready now, but understood completely if he needed more time – and then kinda dropped it. That way he knew where I stood, but it wasn’t like I was constantly bringing it up and pressuring him. The topic did come up organically a number of times in the next month or two after that…usually dh was the one who would bring it up actually, which I think was his way of sort of wrapping his mind around the idea lol. 

The fact that your hubs was the one who initiated your discussion though sounds very promising to me! 

ETA: Fertility concerns were the #1 reason I wanted to move our TTC timeline up too. I was very open with my husband about that. I came off birth control right after our wedding because I wanted to see what my natural cycles would look like, and found that they were on the short side, which only made me more angsty. I also started temping around that time even though we weren’t TTC yet, which allowed me to confirm that I was ovulating. So if you’re worried about your cycles, you could def come off the pill (if you’re on it) and start charting – that will give you some good data about what your body is doing.

Post # 12
Member
2329 posts
Buzzing bee

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rodris28 :  I’m a big planner, so for me it actually helps. YES, I think about TTC, but I’d be thinking about TTC anyways. THIS way, at least, I’m not resisiting it and making myself feel sad or depressed by doing so. I’m being productive and preparing myself, and it helps me feel empowered while I wait. 

It sounds like a big part of your anxiety is that you feel a bit powerless. You feel like you’re at your Dh’s mercy and have to kinda go along with what he wants for fear of pressuring him. I will address this the same way I would address a woman being afraid of “pressuring” her man for a proposal. 

Ostensibly, your Dh is a grown adult man who surely knows how to listen to a different opinion, take his time to think about it, then state his own mind on the matter, plus any possibly compromises or contingencies. Surely you married an equal partner who can stand up for himself and communicate his feelings? Surely you wouldn’t frame your preferences as a demand or ultimatum!?

You have 100% control over how such a conversation would go, and I hope you can trust yourself and your husband enough to know you can get through a collaborative talk without either of you feeling resentful or pressured. After all, once baby comes, there will be a LOT of difficult talks like this, which will require the two of you to state your (possibly dissenting) opinions and then collaborate on a plan together. 

I do understand the hesitancy you feel, but at the end of the day, your feelings matter and should hold weight. No, you don’t want to drag someone into having a baby, but you also don’t want to bury your feelings and become anxious or sad over what should be a happy topic. 

I was a bit hesitant when Dh and I revisited the topic, too, but it went a lot better than I (unrealistically) had feared, and now Dh is usually the one bringing up kids. This morning I mentioned how time is flying and how I FEEL like it’s still August, but it’s actually almost October, and his response was “yeah, before you know it, we’ll be having babies and stuff!”

One final note on resisiting the baby fever vs “feeding” it.

Every brain is different, but – in general- resisiting emotions and thoughts is what actually empowers them to control you. In my experience, hiding from/avoiding/fighting emotions just makes them grow. The resistence to them winds up making them larger than they were before you fought them. So yes, with the baby fever, I sit with it, engage it, spend an hour here or there doing research on it, or discussing it with a friend, then suddenly it’s worked its way out of my system for that day or week and I can focus on other things. 
 

Post # 13
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I had baby fever kicked in more or less right after we got married (we’re a bit older and have been together a long time). 

I found letting the husband know just how bad the baby fever was and also coming up with a plan as to when to start really helped. Knowing it’s coming up let’s me enjoy the fact that I’m not pregnant now. And it also helps that I can do research on what we need to think about/do out in the open.

It took about three tries to actually sit the husband down and have a real conversation about how I was feeling (first time he kinda dodged it, second time I worked myself into a nervous mess and may have cried a bit too much, third time we had a really good talk). 

I also kind of underscored that a lot of the prep surrounds my body (yes he has a part too, but really it’s my body doing most of the work) so I need to know and plan accordingly.

i was also blown away at how little he knows about the mechanics of pregnancy. I explained to him I’m worried it will take a while or that we’ll miscarry — so want to get on this sooner than later. I genuinely think the thought he could shoot sperm into me any time of month and it would end in pregnancy. If only.

We settled on starting with NTNP because he is way less freaked out by that, and then reassess if it’s not working. 

Good luck to you!

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