Post # 1
So my SO of over 2 years just broke things off over a 10 minute phone call during his lunch break at work.
We’ve been in a long distance relationship he in Wyoming, and I in Michigan, while I finish school. We had talked about getting married the summer I graduate, where we would get married, who would be invited, etc. We were in what I would consider a very serious relationship.
He rodeos out in Wyoming and said he needs a break because he needs to think about his future and if he is going to pursue a career in rodeo then he cannot be in a relationship because he cannot give it 100%. Up until this point in our relationship, everything was fine, we weren’t fighting, we were happy and got along great. But now, I’m so lost.
We didn’t talk for 4 days after the break up. We spoke the other day and he apologized for the way he went about break up but said he didn’t know what he wanted, he said he felt like he was having a mid life crisis (at the age of 24) and that he didn’t know what to do, but that “he cared about me too much to drag me along with him because he can’t give me 100% of himself”
I feel like what he is saying is genuine, but I’m so lost now. He told me that I could call him if I wanted to talk. So yesterday, I did. No response. And like a crazy person, I kept calling and texting. I said that I felt like I wanted to see him and talk about this stuff in person and he ignored that as well. I told him if he didn’t want to talk for awhile to just text me and tell me to back off, but once again no response. This morning I e-mailed him and said that if he didn’t call before work this morning, I’d take that as a sign that he was done with this and I wouldn’t be talking to him anymore. Again I called him about 5 times with no response. And at this point I’m just feeling desperate and depressed. I know I need to stop calling, I know he needs space, but it is so hard to not talk to someone who you are used to talking to 20 times a day.
Any advice on what to do? I don’t know how to give up on someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I feel so crazy calling him 100x but I just don’t know how to move on. Has anyone had a similar break up? Any advice or words of wisdom would be really appreciated at this point.
Post # 3
@hawkyfan: I think he is making it obvious that he needs space. Give it to him. I know it is hard. I had to do it 2 and a half months ago. But you know what? We started texting every day again. And last night he asked what I was doing over the next few days. It may not seem like much, but it a start.
I started a journal titled “Things I want to say to W but can’t” and I let out all my emotions there. Don’t cave in to contacting him. Think about the big picture. You can also PM me.
Post # 4
Quarter life crises are very real (as real as mid-life crisis), definitely give him time, don’t call, don’t text, just maintain radio silence for a while, when/if he is ready he’ll get back to you.
Post # 5
I would give him his space and not call him or text him until he calls you.
Go out with some friends and try and keep yourself busy. It will help take your mind off things.
Post # 6
I went through that same thing..only now I realized it is a phase and you’ll get over it. Things are always tougher now when you’re going through it. You say you’re in school, so you’re obviously having finals right now..focus on them (try anyways)..and writing down what you want to say instead of blowing up his phone is a better choice. It’s obvious he is ignoring your messages/calls, it won’t help to keep sending/calling without responses..it will only make you feel worst. I had to delete my ex’s numbers off. 😉
Post # 7
My ex’s quarter life crisis involved sleeping with someone else on a business trip and moving to that country a few weeks later. In the end, I was much better off w/o him
Do NOT call or text him again. It really is just pushing him away. Go hang out with you friends and tell them they need to stop you from doing that. Keep busy. My apartment was sparkling right after.
Post # 8
Oh babe. I wish I could give you a hug. The best thing you can do now is NOT CALL. Honestly, one of the things you have now is your pride and dignity and it’s takinig a banging with you calling him all the time. Vent to your friends if you will. Stay at home and watch TV or go out to the park and just lie down. Cry if you must, but really, stop calling him. He’s young, he might be scared of settling down at such a young age. Hello? I know 37 year old guys that still act like teenagers. Good luck.
Post # 9
@kay01:wow! same here. My EX went to another country to visit his parents and slept with his EX. then & begged me to take him back, after a failed attempt, he went to that country & MARRIED the girl!. Talk about crazy story!
@hawkyfan: dont call him or text anymore. If its met to be, it will happen. But not because you keep contacting him. I know you are probably heartbroken & it will take time to heal. but texting him or contacting him will only slow down the healing process. Good luck.
Post # 10
So sorry! My best advice would be to just not talk to him. No text, no email, no phone calls. Cut him off cold turkey, b/c if you’re still talking to him you won’t be able to move on.
I had a bf for 7 1/2 years. It wasn’t a great relationship like yours sounds like, but I still loved him and we also talked about marriage. In fact, I found out later that he was planning on proposing (he had the ring) 3 days after I dumped him. We were also long distance, so after I found out about a rather large lie, I dumped him over the phone. At first we would still talk daily, but then neither of us was moving on. Eventually I started dating again, I joined JDate (Jewish online dating), went on some bad dates, and then I met my husband. After that happened I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore b/c it wasn’t fair to my new bf and I didn’t want to ruin things with him. I ignored all communication from him, which I admit was hard to do b/c he was a huge part of my life for so long. But it was so worth it, I was able to get over him and move on to someone who was much better for me.
Post # 11
My exhusband had a “life crisis” at the age of 23….decided having an affair and leaving his wife and 1 1/2yr old daughter standing on his parents doorstep was the way to go….yep I was standing with our baby on my hip as he drove away to where we lived in VA without us. That’s how he told me and ended our marriage. By leaving me 8hrs away from what was my life and freezing me out of our bank account. And, then had moved her into my house……
So, trust me, I get where you are coming from. And, I understand the hurt….but you have to leave him be. Seriousy, don’t contact him anymore, if/when he is ready he will contact you. You can do this. Be strong!
Post # 12
@cubaneli: Yeah it was def a conversation piece fora while. We had been living together for 3 yrs at that point. I later found out he had lied about lots of basic background details (houses he didn’t live in, schools he didn’t go to it, even how his dad had died). Mine didn’t marry that girl, but the next. And somewhere in that confusion he implied he’d be willing to get back with me (I think while starting up with his now-wife, which made me feel bad for her in retrospect when I knew abt her. Wonder if he had lied to her too). Um, no thanks. I found my self-respect and wasn’t going to lose it again.
Post # 13
My heart breaks for you. It’s a horrible feeling, especially since you didn’t see it coming. You owe it to yourself to not continue to call, text, email him. It will only push him further away, and it will only prolong the hurt for you. I know it’s hard now but I promise it will get easier. Maybe the space will make him come back. Maybe it won’t. The best thing you can do is realize that you have no control over what he chooses. Go out with your girlfriends, concentrate on school, and give him the space he wants. Best of luck and a big hug.
Post # 14
I agree with the previous posters. I know it’s hard but keeping in contact with him will keep you from healing. If you guys do work things out down the road then great, but now you need to realize that even though he said all those things before, his actions are telling you he does not want to be with you.
I moved with my ex to another state after doing long distance for a short time and expected things to progress in our relationship. We had talked about marriage and he knew that was what I wanted. After about 8 months of me living there, he told me he wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted anymore. I promptly moved back home, but made the mistake of thinking things would work out. So much so, that I left things behind thinking he would realize his mistake and tell me to move back. He never said he didn’t want to be with me, always told me he thought we were going to end up back together. I found out through someone else while he was telling me all this that he was dating someone else and I finally got the push I needed to move on. He is now engaged to someone else.
I hope my advice doesn’t come across as harsh, but I truely believe that if a guy wants to be with you he will.
Post # 15
@kay01: amen sister!! self respect!! Know your worth! we women are valuable & donot deserve to be misstreated & disrespected!
I’m so glad that chapter of my life is over. Now i have an AMAZING loving and caring man that treats me with love & respect. :]
@hawkyfan: you will too! if its met to be, he will come back. & when he does…YOU can decide.. Yes, “i’l take you back, or NO thanks. :]
Post # 16
So what happened after that? I can see this was posted a year ago, so I hope you are happier by now, with or without him.