- Miss T-Rex
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
So dreading isn’t the right word, just afraid. I love my T-Rex, I know he’s the one I want to be with to marry, to have a family, to sit across the porch with and drink coffee when we’re in our 70’s. He is THE ONE.
My friend of 5 years just moved abroad to join an elite military force and I met with him the last time Sunday for what could be 3 years. We talked a lot. About life and relationships, we both feel that everyone else we’ve been friends with have moved on with their lives; gotten married, gone to grad school, had kids, and just done things. He spent 3 months in this country working with refugees, learning serious life skills and really just living life.
I just finally graduated, I have a waitressing job, and I have my T-Rex. Whenever I think about my future I always factor him into the equation, however, I feel like he’s holding me back in achieving what I want in life. I feel stuck.
He encourages me, stands up for me, and is such a postive reinforcenent in my life but I’m never achieving my goals because I can’t just take off to Kenya for 6 weeks, or Brazil for 3 months, or work in a refugee camp for a month. Its not really that he minds, or at least he says he doesn’t but I also want to MOVE to Charleston, or maybe Denver. I want to have all these options but I feel like they are constricted because of him.
It really also doesn’t help that it feels like he’s dragging his feet on proposing anyway but mostly I don’t want to resent him later on, because I wasn’t able to do the things I wanted to do. So thinking of him proposing is scary, because although its what I want, I’m not sure I’m ready for it right now.
I really plan on talking to him about this very soon because I don’t want for him to be planning something and than get hit in the face by this.
I just wanted to let this off my chest so that maybe, just maybe I’m not the only one.