(Closed) Suddenly obsessed with weddings :/

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@epilove:  I know how you feel, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 yrs and I’m still waiting. However, I won’t be waiting much longer! We have the ring and our date set – and he has told me he will be proposing by the end of July! The exact date is a secret, so he can suprise me and propose the way he has been wanting to.

All I can say is that you have to be up front and honest with him. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a while now, and in his mind we were “married” and the rest was just a piece of paper. I had to explain to him that it was more than that to me, and that a real marriage was important to me. That really helped things along, because to him it was just a formality – but because it was important to me, it has become important to him.

If not living together before marriage is important to you, then say so. Honestly, if you can’t have that conversation with him, then you aren’t at a stage in your relationship to get married. You should be able to talk to him about ANYTHING, good or bad. You won’t always agree and may not see eye to eye, but he should always respect your opinion and feelings, and vice versa.

Explain how you feel to him and why it’s important to you. Listen to him as well, because he may have thoughts and ideals that are important to him. My boyfriend has always told me that it is important to him for us to live together before marriage. He needed that confidence that we could have a home together and be “compatible”, if you will. I have the same views, so it has worked for us.

Your boyfriend may be waiting because you are just getting out of school and he wants to see how things will go after that stress is gone. He may not think marriage is a big deal right now. But if it is to you, let him know that. He isn’t a mind reader. Also realize that guys think differently than girls. Sometimes, it’s just a “get the ring and ask” mentality, without a ton of planning, because he already knows you’re the one.

Either way, you two need to have a serious talk. If he isn’t ready for the next step and you feel that you can’t wait, then you have a big decision to make. I told my boyfriend that I couldn’t wait longer than 3 years for a proposal (he’s 37 and I’m 33), because I’m ready to start a family. But if you give him a set deadline, you have to be willing to agree to that as well. If he doesn’t deliver, then you have to keep up with your end of the deal too. “Ultimatums” are a harsh deal, so think twice before you say something like that. You can’t “un-say” things and too many relationships are lost because of that.

Just be honest and upfront about your feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears with him. All it can do is make your relationship stronger… or show you that the two of you have more to work on before you say “I do”. Either way, you’ll have your answer, and more peace of mind.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@epilove:  I’m in the same exact boat. Last month a switch just turned on in my head and I haven’t been able to turn it off since. And I’ve never thought about this topic seriously before then. I never planned my wedding as a little girl, and I never even looked at rings before. Then last month – BOOM! I have a secret folder with pictures of my favorite rings and I subscribed to this site and Yahoo! Answers using a secret email lol All so I can ask questions and read answers from other people just like me. It’s hard though, because a lot of the reponses are “you just have to wait” and a lot of the stories are too different to really compare to your own. Not to mention that our partners have different personalities lol 

Anyways, you’re not alone, and I still haven’t figured out how to deal with it lol Some days are harder than others. 

Also, I know I can talk to my Boyfriend or Best Friend about anything, but this topic is still scary for me. I think it’s because I don’t know how he’ll react. It’s funny because we’ve had other serious conversations, and we’ve talked about our future, but this specific conversation (when are we getting engaged) just seems too real, and in a way [socially] inappropriate. You never hear people say “we just set the proposal date” lol It always seems to be spontaneous. 

 

Post # 6
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Just wait for the stresses of school and LDR to be behind you, and let things happen on their own. I’m sure he’s thought of it, but probably just wants to wait and see how things progress when you’re living together. Keep in mind… he could be saving money, though not specifically for a ring, and just not tell you 🙂

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