(Closed) Suggestions Please!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I wouldn’t take it so personally. I’d have bene surprised and confused if the SOs of our groomsmen or of DH’s brother (an usher) had offered to help.

Post # 4
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you close to the brother’s sisters? If you aren’t close I don’t think you can expect them to be all excited and involved in wedding planning. If you would like to be closer to them I would initiate some contact. Don’t focus on wedding stuff. Maybe have dinner or something if they’re close by. If they’re farther away give them a call and ask about how they’re doing. Getting to know a new family can be a process so don’t be offended if you aren’t instantly super close and they aren’t instantly all over your wedding planning. But it can be a really great time to get to know your new family!

Post # 5
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

@jennc84:  Did they tell you that they wouldn’t be able to make it? It is hard to know why they didn’t attend your shower (prior plans, distance, money etc etc). I wouldn’t worry about it too much. They’ll be there on your wedding day.

Also, I don’t think that being the SO of a groomsmen/brother-in-law means that they need to or should be involved/interested in wedding planning. I agree that it would be nice of them to ask about your progress and plans, but you can’t demand that. Just as you say it is common to ask such questions in your family, it might just be the opposite in their families – don’t ask unless your help is requested.

Focus on the important things – your wedding to your groom. You will have years to build meaningful relationships with them and I am certain they mean you no ill.

Post # 7
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

An invite is just that an invitation to attend. It is not a subponea. They don’t owe you an apology.

have you tried befriending them outside of the wedding? Ask them to go for a coffee or something like that. But at the end of the day these women don;t have to be friends with you. As long as they are civil and not rude then all is ok. Your expectations are your expectations- other people have expectations of their own so try not to judge others by what you would do because we are all different.

Edited to say: Just read your update if they didn;t RSVP then they owe an apology to the host of the party.

Post # 8
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t blame you for feeling slighted. If the family is close then something is there, if their not close it’s probably normal for them. I would have been there as well. Seems strange to me.

Post # 9
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It seems strange to me that they didn’t attend, and rude they didn’t RSVP. My FI’s family is all really close, sso when the time comes for my shower, I know to expect them all there with the exception of the one that lives across the country. I wouldn’t expect them to offer help planning or even to ask how its going. They may fear that once you start you may not stop talking about the wedding. 

Post # 10
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s rude if they didn’t respond to the invitation at all, but they weren’t obligated to come.

Is your wedding date (09/23/2014) in your header correct?  Perhaps they were confused about why the shower is two years before the wedding, and they didn’t go because it’s so early and thought maybe there would be one closer to the date?

Post # 11
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@abbie017:  Oh my gosh, I didn’t even notice that about the date. Geez, I wouldn’t even be thinking about how a close friend or family member’s wedding planning was going over a year out.

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