I totally understand if you saw that Post No. 15 as pumping up my ego.
It was a response to PPs questioning how I am connecting the non-smile to jealousy. I can see how this post was a little backward. I didn’t want to make it about jealousy in the first place. I was really curious if BMs who had tiffs with the brides bring the emotional stuff to the surface.
I knew I couldn’t discuss the jealousy bit at length because I don’t want to be found out here. So instead I gave a comparison of general areas of our lives. Yes, that sounds like a bitchy exercise but I couldn’t go into other details of specific things that transpired during her stay as I was afraid to get found out. I’ll give one below.
The day before the wedding, I found out that the hotel didn’t book rooms for my siblings by mistake and the hotel was booked out. I mentally flipped, lost it, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I wouldn’t be far from looking like I had a mental breakdown, if you had any heart you would feel sorry for me. You know what she told me days later, she said she thought I was a diva. I wanted my siblings to experience what a 5-star hotel felt like. We grew up poor (yes smallest violin playng in the corner) and I just wanted them to experience luxury that’s why that one pushed me over. If she can see past her own situation, then she would not have judged me as a diva but instead feel concerned for her friend.
Just to clarify, she caught her boyfriend red-handed contrary to what you wrote in your previous post. We’re not very blunt people that get into each other’s faces, everything is hidden away. At our age, if we are jealous we are able to hide it well, unlike when you’re younger it’s so dripping obvious. That’s why I can only pick up indirectly from bits of conversation and actions.
I do (did?) value our friendship. She flew over for the wedding and I knew she’s a bit, I hate to say it, cheap. So since she paid for flights I paid for her accommodation so she didn’t have spend for anything. I know I didn’t have to pay for her accommodation, and I didn’t get a thank you now that I thought about it.
Everyone has a friend that only thinks of themselves, talks about themselves, she’s that friend for me. As this is on a spectrum, I’m sure I am that friend to my more-mannered friends. A few days after the wedding, we were talking about it and she put on this bored look (this I know for sure) I don’t think she even realised it. I wrapped up the conversation and she proceeded to talk about all the guys she could have scored in the wedding, how exotic her skin looked in this country. Oh come on.
I just have to make up my mind if this friendship is still for me.