(Closed) Summer 2010 wedding and NO engagement ring!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
32 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all…don’t feel stupid!  I am planning my wedding without the ring (I’m currently waiting for a proposal that can happen any day now) and I currently have a photographer, dress and venue.  We know we are getting married so why not get things done now so we have more time to plan?  Makes sense to us but I know there are some people out there that don’t understand.  Jump over to the WAITING board on this blog.  It’s all about people planning and waiting for the ring.  I felt so much better about my situation when I found out so many other people were in the same situation.

As for the family situation – maybe ask your boyfriend to go talk to your Dad with you.  It’s possible that if you tell him about the situation together he will take it more seriously.  Also, tell your boyfriend how your Dad feels and how you feel uncomfortable planning without a ring.  Maybe he will propose or you can even discuss pushing the date back from the Summer to early Fall.

Just know you aren’t alone and try to focus on the most important thing – getting to marry your boyfriend!

Post # 4
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Do not feel stupid at all. My Fiance and I sat down and had a serious conversation on getting married and our wedding. We both decided we wanted it to be next spring, because I will be graduating in December and we will be relocating next summer. He wanted to do a traditional proposal but in his own way and in his own time. Me knowing how crazy wedding planning can be decided that we should set a date and I went ahead with planning, he has helped along the way, so my situation is a little different from yours. In the beginning of planning I felt stupid as well, people would ask for a ring and I would just be honest and say that I don’t have one yet. I still don’t (it’ll be any day, I know it), and the bulk of the major things are done (vendors, venues, dress)

HBride is right, the important thing is that you are getting married! Don’t feel stupid, you aren’t alone in planning without a ring! Keep chipping away at the planning and just be patient it’ll happen in due time. You both decided that next summer is good, so I think you are totally safe going through with planning.

Post # 5
7 posts
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am also planning my wedding with out the ring.  My fiance keeps telling me she wants to make it special (I’m a lesbian in case you didn’t catch that).  She just started a new job after being unemployed for over a year (darn this economy) and can’t yet afford the perfect proposal.  However, we are both too excited to be planning a wedding that we have dove in head first.  We have set a date for December 4th, 2010 and have nearly everything chosen including venue, photographer, cake, wedding coordinator (day-of only as I am a wedding coordinator myself), all decor and the tiniest details are done.  Only things left are basically to pay for it all.  I refuse to start putting down deposits until I have the ring but may have to if she does get on the ball. 

I completely understand the embarrassment.  I feel the same way.  My fiancee and I are paying for most everything ourselves so we don’t have the asking our parents issue yet.  However, as much as I hate waiting for the ring I understand that she wants it to be perfect and I do too.  You don’t want your fiancee to just hand you the ring so you feel better about planning.  He will.  At least yours has already bought the ring. 

Mandy Butler

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with all the previous posters that a ring does not make the commitment. 

Secondly, you don’t need to start planning now unless you want to. My fiance proposed on May 1 this year.  We are getting married Sept 12 this year.   Wedding planning only needs to take as long as you want it to.


Post # 7
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m sorry about all the tragedy in your future husband’s life.  I can imagine that his dad having pancreatic cancer (which is a terrible diagnosis to have) makes everything more uncertain to him.  I think it is important right now to take the lead from you FH and sit tight.

I’m sending his dad lots of healing thoughts.

Post # 8
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with Doctorgirl. He is going through so much right now, and probably doesn’t feel like he can put the work into giving you a proposal he thinks he deserves.

You don’t have to worry about planning it yet. Depending on the month, summer 2010 is a year+ away, and that will give you plenty of time to plan.

Post # 9
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Another summer 2010 bee planning without a ring! There’s a lot of us out there. Don’t feel stupid. If you are secure in your relationship and your future together, then that’s all you need! I’m having a hard time with it too, but if you want a beautiful, special wedding to the love of your life, of course you want to get started now! It’s okay! ((hugs))

Post # 10
4 posts
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow … and I thought I was alone in this secret wedding planning no ring state – you know it’s not even about the ring for me.  We dated long distance and I re-structured my career and life to move back from the Caribbean to be with the “one” ~ I didn’t move back with the intention of “snagging a hubby”.  The whole thing was discussed ad nauseum before I made the commitment to live here with him.  Did you catch that I lived in the CARIBBEAN???  🙂

ANYWAY ~ there is no doubt on either one of our parts that we want to be married – He instigated pre-cana education; set a date; reserved our venue … basically our entire wedding is planned although no official engagement or ring ~ he keeps elluding to the fact that there has been an issue with the jeweler ~ we started looking for rings in May of LAST YEAR … which made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.  I wanted him to just pick it out on his own.

So it’s starting to take more of a toll on my self esteem more than anything.  I’m mortified when people ask to see the ring, like I’m the only one planning to get married and he hasn’t made it official ~ I’m, pretty traditional and feel like the proposal/engagement is part of the man making an outward comittment.  Right now I just feel defeated and kind of stupid.  It’s really killing my excitement and since the wedding is planned ~ I really think he  thinks that it’s no big deal.  He keeps saying, just wait … you’ll be happy.  I’m a cigar band kind of girl so I don’t care; what kind of ring takes a YEAR to put together.

Sorry for venting but considering only a few people even know about the wedding – I just didn’t know where to turn!


Post # 11
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Awww. My guy did that too. Told me he wanted to marry me 3 months after we met. Last June (nearly 4 years into our relationship) he finally said, “Let’s do it! Give me a chance to propose.” We decided on a summer 2010 wedding, and I started waiting for his proposal. I figured it would take him a few weeks to get a ring and plan a proposal. WRONG! It was several MONTHS (and, unlike your guy, he had no good reason to wait). In the meantime, I had no choice but to start planning the wedding with no ring on my finger. I felt delusional, like a fraud. The whole thing was humiliating, quite frankly, and felt like it would never end.

But…he finally popped the question in a surprising and romantic way with a gorgeous ring and all was forgiven and forgotten. You’ll get there too, believe me. Guys are just a little dense about this sometimes, but you obviously have a good one who loves you and wants to be with you. It doesn’t seem like it now, but the uncomfortable stage you’re currently in is very temporary and you’ll barely remember it once you’re wearing your lovely ring!


Post # 12
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your fiance is dealing with quite a bit at this moment and losing a family member is very hard but it doesn’t take away from his committment to you. My FH proposed before he went back to Holland because he wanted to be sure we were engaged before he left, but I still don’t have my ring and won’t have it for quite some time because while I file for his Fiance Visa he isn’t allowed to come into the states and I won’t be going overseas until the fall, but he wants to buy the ring here so…

We are still wedding planning and we are committed to each other and the ring will come. Don’t feel silly or stupid because as you can see you are not alone Smile

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