- 11 months ago
So my engagment ring story ended up being waaaaay more complicated than I could have ever dreamed, and now I’m at a point where I need to get my wedding band and I’m just not sure what to do…
My fiance and I had many conversations leading up to our engagement about what kind of ring he should be on the lookout for. Personally, I would have loved a diamond as my first choice. Would have been fine with a lab grown or a used diamond. He felt those options were still too expensive, and I offered to chip in. I told him my biggest need in a ring is something that will last my whole life and won’t need to be babied at all. He was very passionate about me not helping monetarily contribute to the ring and wanted to do it himself as a gift to me. I can appreciate this, and told him that he would need to then at least expect to save up for a bit before purchasing a ring that would hold up against the test of time (this was about 6 months before we got engaged). We dated for several years prior to being engaged and are in our late 20s, so there was time to save, especially since we had known we’d get married very early on. I ended up settling on a white sapphire option or a very light blush pink sapphire option. This way, there would be ample options for him to pick that were between 800 and 1200. I also really wanted a halo around an oval stone. That’s pretty much the ring I’ve wanted since I was 19. Also, I did NOT want morganite or moissanite. Morganite I love the look of but I didn’t want to baby my ring AT ALL. And moissanite just isn’t my style with the amount of fire it throws. Just wasn’t my thing and never has been a stone I even considered.
Fast forward to the proposal. Even right after he proposed I knew the ring wasn’t really what we talked about. First, the ring had an oval stone but no halo and had three stones on either side. Fiance said he preferred that style because it looked cleaner to him. Wasn’t really my personal first choice, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I thought I could deal with it as it was pretty enough. Still, something was off about the stones. They didn’t look like the sapphires we had discussed (pink center stone and white side stones that seemed to throw a lot of fire for being a sapphire). Then he told me he spent $550 for the ring on Etsy and was happy he didn’t end up having to really save anything for the ring after all and could find something that was a good deal. Right then, I knew something was wrong because there was no way there were this many sapphires on the ring and it cost only $550. He showed me the listing, and my heart sunk. First off, the seller didn’t seem all that reputable just based on their profile (there are many great sellers on Etsy for rings, but this one seemed like a generic company in China that mostly sells just fashion rings). Second, the listing quite clearly listed morganite as the center stone.
After taking the ring to the jeweler to get more info, we learned that the ring is a mix of morganite for the center stone and moissanite side stones. Literally the only stones I didn’t want in my ring. :/ From what we can figure, fiance was confused by the drop-down menu on the Etsy listing and selected a moissanite option for the side stones and just didn’t read the description part that said it was a morganite. He thought it was all sapphires. We looked into returning the ring and starting from scratch, but even by the time he proposed, we had well exceeded the return policy. So we were kind of stuck with this ring unless we wanted to buy a second ring.
To make matters even more complicated, this ring has a super weird low basket that makes any normal round wedding band impossible to wear with it. The only thing I can do to make the wedding band sit slightly more flush with it is to have a custom wedding band created that will at least kind of better work. But this wedding band will need to have a lot of small stones in it to look decent and make it fit into the engagement ring. I really don’t like chevron rings, so I didn’t even consider that option. I was hoping to get a wedding ring that I liked so that I could change out the engagement ring later on at the very least.
So now I’m in a pickle. I have to start getting my custom wedding band created, but I have no idea what to do to make this something I’ll love or even just like a lot. I don’t really want to buy a wedding band of moissanite stones when I don’t like that stone, but then if I get sapphires in the band, I really should change out the engagement ring stones to be sapphires as well to match. I think that’s all going to start getting pretty expensive for how many stones will need to be used and am not sure I can afford that. Then if I change the side stones, I still won’t be in love with the morganite and will want to change out that stone too. And I’m still kind of unsure about the band layout itself. I really would have liked a halo ring. So then I think, why not just buy a totally new ring? But I don’t have that money lying around. I would have had it with some notice, but I just won’t have it in time for our wedding with all the other normal expenses, wedding expenses, and getting my fiance through school because we’re cash flowing his degrees with my salary.
On the one hand, it seems silly to spend this much modifying a ring I’m so unsure of and that was made by a seller that didnt even seem that reputable. On the other hand I don’t have the money for a total do-over ring. I guess the most likely scenario is I should just buy my custom wedding band and get moissanites in the band (even though I don’t like them as a stone usually) so at least they’ll match my engagement ring? And then I can buy a whole new wedding ring set with the dream setting and diamonds I wanted for myself in a year or two when I have more time to save and I can just put my old set away and forget about it? But then how do I make getting a whole new wedding ring set special when it wasn’t even from my fiance and I didn’t wear the rings during our engagemement? Then again, I find myself using any excuse not to wear my current engagement ring because it makes me too sad to wear it knowing it wasn’t what I wanted, and it throws salt in the wound that I hate the comments I get on it. A lot of people want to know if I “asked for it” because it’s not very often someone is given a gemstone ring they didn’t ask for. I have to lie and say yes because I don’t want them to know what a mess my ring buying process has been and how many mistakes were made in purchasing it.
It sucks to be a covid bride AND not have the ring of your dreams when you tried really hard to communicate and make appropriate compromises to keep the ring within the budget of your partner.
I heard my fiance talking to a co-worker today and saying he “just knew” this was the ring when he saw it. Made me sad, because I know it definitely isn’t the ring as-is even though I tried so hard to love it the first few months to just get over it and love it. He says he doesn’t care if I want to replace it in the future as it was a gift, so at least I have his blessing to maybe someday get the ring I’ve always wanted.
So what to do? How much modification should I allow for on this current ring and the custom band I’ll get? If I buy a new ring in the future for myself, is there any way to make the experience feel special? A part of me wishes he would offer to just buy me a new ring in a few years as an upgrade, but he hasn’t, so I haven’t asked. Obviously, by that point it’ll all be our money anyway, but would have been a nice gesture. I just wanted a “normal” engagement ring I wouldn’t have to baby all the time and engagement ring experience, especially because I’ve had to make so many concessions about the wedding for covid.
And I won’t lie, it feels like the excitment of the engagement ring experience was taken from me because he didn’t want to save just a little more for the ring and got so wrapped up in how he felt about the ring he totally forgot all the things I had wanted. I try to feel greatful for even getting a ring, but honestly, I wish I had insisted on just paying for it myself and picking it out because I just feel stuck with a ring I don’t like and that I have to spend more money on customizing while I now wait years to buy the ring I did want with my own money. Feels like such a waste of time, money, and mental energy. 🙁
If you have any advice, I’m all ears!