Super complicated engagement ring situation

posted 10 months ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
677 posts
Busy bee

Hey Bee, I think, at this point, you should build something custom engagement ring and get what you want. You can definitely get the ring you want around 1,000 and maybe even less. You would have to use lab sapphire stones, but they are beautiful and affordable. You should talk to Stag & Finch. You can get a peach or white lab saphire for around $300. They also design rings and a lot of bees have used them. 

 

https://www.stagandfinch.com/

Post # 17
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Whoah, okay, I missed the part about you paying for his education. Ummmm….regardless of how wise or unwise that is to commit to with someone you aren’t married to, he does realize that this ring was, like, one tenth of what you contribute to his tuition in a year (assuming US in-state tuition minus housing, split fifty-fifty), right?? Kind of classless to crow about that, IMO. 

Post # 18
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

WOZWA  

What a mess…. I am so sorry, I can see making the mistake on accident by choosing the wrong stones, but completely mowing over your desire for a halo setting by choosing one he likes better is such a jerk move….. I don’t think you should spend money on a wedding band for a ring that you don’t love, it’s really unfortunate that you cannot return the ring either, I think you have a couple options here, try and sell it privately … you won’t get nearly as much, then take that cash and any other cash you have to spend on a ring whether that is money you might come up with now or in the future; OR you could just buy a whole new ring and keep that one in your jewelry box, as for feeling special, I think once you have a ring that you love it will feel special regardless of if you get it in 6 months or whatever, and don’t let him choose anymore jewelry for you LOL, my spouse just lets me pick what jewelry I want and then pays for it, as for my Ering.. I was the indecesive one so it took me a long time to land on it, and I helped pay for it!!!  it took nearly 3 years AFTER we got married to find the ring I loved, I do keep my original in a jewlery box. =) 

Post # 19
Member
3117 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry; he really screwed up here, out of a desire to find something cheap.  I simply don’t buy he got confused by the drop down menu and thought he was buying sapphires when he selected morganite and moissanite.  

What about buying the wedding ring you want (what you’d wear if you had the ring you wanted) so you can at least get married with your dream wedding band, and save up for the engagement ring to purchase it at a later time?    If I was in your shoes, I think i’d skip wearing the e-ring for the wedding and focus on having the “right” wedding band.  

 

Post # 21
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
@blues507:  I would look for a sapphire set on Etsy or a local shop and add that you don’t won’t to scratch your e ring with an I’ll fitting wedding band. Or choose a sapphire ring that is in budget but you would feel happy wearing solo for a while and use that as your wedding ring.  Not the best situation but I hope you find something that makes you both happy 🙂 

Post # 26
Member
14177 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My advice is to get the wedding ring of your choice and move this ring to your right hand after you’re married. There’s no law that says they have to be worn on the same hand. Then can get a matching ring when you can. 

Post # 27
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
@blues507:  YES! I would be honest with your spouse as well, about the fact that this ring isn’t you and not what you had wanted, while it may be beautiful … you are the one who will be wearing it long term so you really want it to be something that will suit you, that you love, and that will last a lifetime.

Post # 28
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

@blues507 could you keep the setting and just swap out the stones. That might be a more cost effective option? You could even start with swapping the morganite first maybe? 

Post # 29
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee

This is disappointing. I’m sorry Bee.

I’d get a wedding band that you like, and wear your engagement ring as a right hand ring. How long is your FI’s school? Is a new engagement ring a possibility for your one year anniversary? 

I’ve seen some nice sapphires at Stag and Finch, and also on etsy: https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/546766639/oval-halo-moissanite-engagement-ringoval?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=sapphire+halo+engagement+ring&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1&sca=1&variation1=1433532342

 

But if you want lab diamonds, I think it might make sesne to just wait rather than investing in another sapphire ring that you are meh about.

 

Post # 30
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
@blues507:  Chiming in to say not to get a custom band for a ring you don’t like. My suggestion would be to get your dream wedding ring. An engagement ring that will be made later can always be fitted to the wedding band. 

DH and I chose moissanite for my engagement ring because I personally love the fire and I have chunky little carny hands and needed a bigger stone for our budget. It was a simple solitaire because I knew that, someday, when budget allowed and for a future anniversary, I’d upgrade the ring and move me e-ring to a right hand ring or an heirloom. I have my eye on getting a custom Heidi Gibson ring in the near future. 

I have been married five years and I rarely ever slip on my e-ring. I stick to no rings (working remotely and never leave my house – thanks Covid) or my wedding band. 

I’d be super frustrated if my husband did the same as your Fiance, but I personally feel like he had his chance, blew it (honest mistake or not), and would not be relying on him for future purchases. Any future ring purchases, I would make myself. Move his e-ring to your right hand or for special occassions. Have a gentle discussion with him if he seems hurt, but otherwise, he really doesn’t have much footing for an argument. I, personally, do not find it ungrateful to be gifted a ring with the two stones you specifically requested it NOT be and for him to be delighted in “cheaping out” on the ring. There didn’t seem to be a ton of thought and care into what you wanted, he just seemed concerned with what he wanted. It’s not ungrateful to purchase yourself a new ring. 

If you can afford to pay for his education, I would have zero shame in dropping down on my dream ring. 

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