Post # 31
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
What a bummer! Your Fiance totally dropped the ball on something that is obviously very important to you.
Don’t spend money on a custom band. Wear this ring solo (or with a $10 band from Amazon) until your 1 year anni and then get the ring you want.
Post # 32
Get exactly the wedding band you would have gotten if your fiance had listened to your desires and gotten you the engagement ring you asked for. Wear the wedding band.
Ignore the engagement ring; don’t even take it out of the box.
Save up for the ring you want and buy it–exactly the ring you want and told this jerk you wanted.
Consider marrying someone else, someone who listens to you and cares about what you want.
Post # 33
Okay I get that. But you are kind of glossing over the fact that he showed absolutely no consideration for what you wanted. And I must have skipped over the part where you previously said you are paying for his education. You would think that would have made him even more motivated to get you something amazing that you’d love. It sounds like he put no thought into it, considering he got you both of the only two stones you specifically said you didn’t want. You’re doing him a major kindness and this is how he reciprocates?
Youre cutting him too much slack here. Dont. He really dropped the ball and needs to figure out a solution to do better.
Post # 34
I’m sorry you don’t love your ring and he didn’t get you anything close to what you wanted. I feel for you because we women want to be able to show off our rings during this happy time. While I think getting a beautiful wedding band that you would love to wear is a great idea, are you also open to possibly selling the ring? Then you could use the money towards a new ring that YOU pick out and would love to wear. Just a suggestion, but I think if you don’t want to wear the ring he got you at all, there is no point in keeping it.
Post # 35
Your last update sounds like you’re making excuses for him. Bee, he simply ignored all your requests for the most important piece of jewelry you’ll wear.
I understand the desire to not be burdened by debt but you’re not married to this guy, he could drop you tomorrow and you’ll be out thousands of $$. You can save up and pay the debt on a lump sum once you’re officially legally bound. I’m sure he’s great but really think about why he couldn’t even have the basic decency to respect your desires.
Post # 36
I have a few thoughts on the matter… I’ve spent thousands creating and remaking items that I’ve been less than thrilled with. I hope you don’t take these the wrong way or mean..
1. please do not spend any more money on custom anything to match that ring, you don’t like it, you don’t want to wear it, it will just turn out to be the one thousand dollar set you’ll never want to wear
2. I know you don’t want moisanite, and you stated you wanted sapphires but have you looked at vintage/antique second hand options? Even pawn shops have burried treasures 🙂
3. Have you seen chris cz’s? https://www.diamondcz.co.uk/ Find a local jeweler that will set them, the gold should only cost $300 if it’s a standard setting and these stones are gorgeous and last a really long time [don’t buy into the cz is soft story-the cz’s of today last a really long time] and you can get almost anything you want in any color. At least that way you can create a gorgeous set without spending a fortune. And if all else fails..
4. Look at the selections on berricle. Who says you have to have the forever set now? No student has cash to spend on the look they want.
And remember something-what you love today is not what you’re going to love in 10-20 years. You’re style will change, everyones always does! So just get something you love but don’t waste money adding onto something you don’t want to wear. I would highly recommend putting the fault of the purchase on a shifty shady Etsy seller. No harm no foul right?
Good luck bee 🙂
Post # 37
Don’t have a wedding band custom designed to fit a ring you’re not crazy about. Buy a wedding band to last a lifetime, the band of your dreams and wear it solo. When you get married you can move your engagement ring to your right hand or not wear it at all. Later, when your financial situation improves, you can get the engagement ring you really want.
Post # 38
So sorry! I would buy your dream wedding band and only wear it when you get married. Then save up for your dream engagement ring to pair with it when you can. Good luck!
Post # 39
Buy the wedding band you want. Wear this engagement ring as a right hand or special occasion ring post wedding. Buy the engagement ring of your dreams when ready.
Post # 40
Everyone has different priorities, I suppose. Personally, the decision to not go into debt was the decision he and I made for our family, but every family is different! No judgement for those who choose differently. After almost 4 years together and only a few months to go before our wedding, I know he’s not going anywhere. 🙂 And even if he did (which sounds so crazy to even type it out) and even if
he was the kind of person never ever to pay me back (which he’s not and sounds even crazier as someone who knows him) $1500 for his first semester (he gets a lot of merit based scholarships that he passes my way to pay me back throughout the semesters) if he just *happens* to up and decide he wants to call off our engagement randomly would be the least of my worries lol. I understand how it might sound to an outsider, but he’s very much in love with me and not going anywhere. He’s just bad at picking out jewelry or at least engagment, supposed to last your whole life jewelry. I mean the guy cooks for me, still stays up talking with me for hours before we go to bed, has gone back to school while still working his old job and chosen a major in CS so we’ll both be working in tech in a couple years and making good money so we can start our family soon. He’s really changed a lot of his life for us and for the life we want for our kids. We have a very happy life, overall. I just really don’t like my engagement ring and I definitely do get upset about it. I’m sure if I told him I wanted him to buy me a new ring and point out the exact
ring in a few years, he would, but right now, it just wouldn’t be possible without him dipping into his emergency fund, and I guess I feel a little bitter about having to wait longer and like I need to buy it myself if I don’t want to wait another 3+ years until he’s graduated and started his career. But I do agree with you in theory that you don’t want to be too financially tied to a person you aren’t married to. Just our circumstances and priorities are different.
FWIW he felt really bad about the ring purchase when he realized the stone was a morganite and he hadn’t read the description carefully enough, but what could we do? I mean he couldn’t return it. He felt bad but like… there’s nothing that can be done at this point. At least not before the wedding. He told me I can do whatever I want to the ring if I want to change it or get a new one and he wouldn’t be upset or anything. He thought he was saving us money and still getting the sapphires I wanted and there was a sapphire option on the ring! But he selected the wrong thing. :/ So it’s kind of a done deal at this point and we just need a fix I can be content with until after the wedding.
Post # 41
i think OP should just get a new engagement ring. $550 is not that much to let go off considering that this marriage will be forever.
Post # 42
I think it’s worth asking the Etsy seller if he/she would accept a partial return or trade (for maybe a band or necklace or set of earrings). Explain the confusion: most sellers do not want unhappy customers. Then I would suggest you focus on selecting a wedding band you love (and a new engagement ring if that is your preference). If you still want the sentimentality of a ring from him, perhaps a nice gesture would be that the two of you select a ring together
which he pays for using his first paycheck from his new job after he graduates.
Post # 43
LOLOL wow, this could be the over-reaction of the day.
Post # 44
I’d just get a wedding band that will likely go well with the ring I want in the future and maybe get him to buy your halo sapphire down the line with his first paycheck when he has his proper job. That way the ring will have some new special significance for you both as a couple.
With the wedding band maybe go for something generic like a band like this in the metal of your choice. Even if it isn’t 100 percent a great fit for your future ring it will likely go well with another band and an engagement ring as a stack.
Post # 45
did you think about just buying a lab sapphire and putting it in that setting for now ? Thank to not that much to do. I love to see your ring.