Super complicated engagement ring situation

posted 12 months ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

What a bummer!  Your Fiance totally dropped the ball on something that is obviously very important to you.

Don’t spend money on a custom band.  Wear this ring solo (or with a $10 band from Amazon) until your 1 year anni and then get the ring you want.

Post # 32
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Get exactly the wedding band you would have gotten if your fiance had listened to your desires and gotten you the engagement ring you asked for. Wear the wedding band.

Ignore the engagement ring; don’t even take it out of the box.

Save up for the ring you want and buy it–exactly the ring you want and told this jerk you wanted.

Consider marrying someone else, someone who listens to you and cares about what you want.

Post # 33
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@blues507:  Okay I get that. But you are kind of glossing over the fact that he showed absolutely no consideration for what you wanted. And I must have skipped over the part where you previously said you are paying for his education. You would think that would have made him even more motivated to get you something amazing that you’d love. It sounds like he put no thought into it, considering he got you both of the only two stones you specifically said you didn’t want. You’re doing him a major kindness and this is how he reciprocates?

Youre cutting him too much slack here. Dont. He really dropped the ball and needs to figure out a solution to do better.

Post # 34
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you don’t love your ring and he didn’t get you anything close to what you wanted.  I feel for you because we women want to be able to show off our rings during this happy time.  While I think getting a beautiful wedding band that you would love to wear is a great idea, are you also open to possibly selling the ring?  Then you could use the money towards a new ring that YOU pick out and would love to wear.  Just a suggestion, but I think if you don’t want to wear the ring he got you at all, there is no point in keeping it.

Post # 35
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

Your last update sounds like you’re making excuses for him. Bee, he simply ignored all your requests for the most important piece of jewelry you’ll wear. 

I understand the desire to not be burdened by debt but you’re not married to this guy, he could drop you tomorrow and you’ll be out thousands of $$. You can save up and pay the debt on a lump sum once you’re officially legally bound. I’m sure he’s great but really think about why he couldn’t even have the basic decency to respect your desires. 

Post # 36
Member
5560 posts
Bee Keeper

I have a few thoughts on the matter… I’ve spent thousands creating and remaking items that I’ve been less than thrilled with.  I hope you don’t take these the wrong way or mean..

1. please do not spend any more money on custom anything to match that ring, you don’t like it, you don’t want to wear it, it will just turn out to be the one thousand dollar set you’ll never want to wear

2. I know you don’t want moisanite, and you stated you wanted sapphires but have you looked at vintage/antique second hand options? Even pawn shops have burried treasures 🙂

3. Have you seen chris cz’s?  https://www.diamondcz.co.uk/  Find a local jeweler that will set them, the gold should only cost $300 if it’s a standard setting and these stones are gorgeous and last a really long time [don’t buy into the cz is soft story-the cz’s of today last a really long time] and you can get almost anything you want in any color.  At least that way you can create a gorgeous set without spending a fortune.  And if all else fails..

4. Look at the selections on berricle.  Who says you have to have the forever set now? No student has cash to spend on the look they want.  

And remember something-what you love today is not what you’re going to love in 10-20  years.  You’re style will change, everyones always does!  So just get something you love but don’t waste money adding onto something you don’t want to wear.  I would highly recommend putting the fault of the purchase on a shifty shady Etsy seller.  No harm no foul right?

Good luck bee 🙂

Post # 37
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

Don’t have a wedding band custom designed to fit a ring you’re not crazy about. Buy a wedding band to last a lifetime, the band of your dreams and wear it solo. When you get married you can move your engagement ring to your right hand or not wear it at all. Later, when your financial situation improves, you can get the engagement ring you really want.

Post # 38
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

So sorry! I would buy your dream wedding band and only wear it when you get married. Then save up for your dream engagement ring to pair with it when you can. Good luck!

Post # 39
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee

Buy the wedding band you want. Wear this engagement ring as a right hand or special occasion ring post wedding. Buy the engagement ring of your dreams when ready.

Post # 41
Member
30 posts
Newbee

i think OP should just get a new engagement ring. $550 is not that much to let go off considering that this marriage will be forever.

Post # 42
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@blues507:  I think it’s worth asking the Etsy seller if he/she would accept a partial return or trade (for maybe a band or necklace or set of earrings). Explain the confusion: most sellers do not want unhappy customers. Then I would suggest you focus on selecting a wedding band you love (and a new engagement ring if that is your preference). If you still want the sentimentality of a ring from him, perhaps a nice gesture would be that the two of you select a ring together which he pays for using his first paycheck from his new job after he graduates.

Post # 43
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

View original reply
@cassandra7:  LOLOL wow, this could be the over-reaction of the day.

Post # 44
Member
4895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@blues507:  I’d just get a wedding band that will likely go well with the ring I want in the future and maybe get him to buy your halo sapphire down the line with his first paycheck when he has his proper job. That way the ring will have some new special significance for you both as a couple.

With the wedding band maybe go for something generic like a band like this in the metal of your choice. Even if it isn’t 100 percent a great fit for your future ring it will likely go well with another band and an engagement ring as a stack. 

Post # 45
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@blues507:  did you think about just buying a lab sapphire and putting it in that setting for now ? Thank to not that much to do. I love to see your ring. 

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