Super complicated engagement ring situation

posted 12 months ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I’m not here to comment on the actions or your disappointment, just the fact that I have an oval morganite RHR that I have worn every single day since I bought it in 2014 and I don’t baby it (I do take it off to sleep/yard work/etc.). It’s not as fragile as you think it is. Just trying to offer some level of hope โ˜บ๏ธ

Post # 62
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

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@blues507:  but you’re not a family yet! As mad as it sounds that he may leave, it does happen… we see it very often here. Bees investing their money with a boyfriend to buy a house, supporting them and then bam, he’s out. Not saying he will do it, but as a protection it is wise to be aware of that. As I said, being smart with money is good, and you can pay later once you’re legally bound for the debt- you are still upholding to your priority. From your responses it almost sounds like he chose a crappy eing because he knows you’ll just choose one yourself and pay for it with your own money.  You say he’s bad at picking crappy jewelry, especially one that you’ll wear for the rest of your life- that’s not really an excuse. He should be aware that this is THE one purchase and should’ve paid attention. Has he even tried hard to speak to the Etsy seller about it? Has he gone and bought a nice band that you can proudly wear? By the sounds of it, no. He’s just telling you to do it yourself and use your money in the process. Do you see the issue? It is a one sided relationship and youre in a way mommmying him because you “don’t want to hurt his feelings.” 

Post # 63
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There’s good financial management and then there’s character development with the latter being the more important. Your fiance was more than willing to pay for his own tuition fees. For me paying for one’s own education is character building. The engagement ring was important to you and in addition you had a certain style and stone in mind. In a heartbeat I would take the amount out of what you are paying in his tuition fees to get the ring you really want – the lab diamond with halo. Allow HIM to feel the payment of that when he has finished studying and commences working. 

Post # 64
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t read the whole thread but as I often say in these cases it’s not really about the ring. You have a communication issue. If someone insists on getting you something that you’ll wear everyday, the least they can do is consider your small list of requirements. What he did was cheap and inconsiderate and it’s not like you didn’t offer to cover the extra costs. 

I don’t believe in being afraid of hurting feelings over a ring. If you bought him a t-shirt he didn’t like, would he still wear it every single day for the rest of his life? I don’t think so. Just pick something you love and make sure you two learn to communicate better.

Post # 67
Member
3790 posts
Honey bee

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@blues507:  I still like to see the ring . 

Post # 69
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I actually applaud you and your fiancé for doing what you are doing, getting through post secondary, having a house, etc, all debt free, is pretty awesome, my kudos for that. 

As for the wedding ring, find something you LOVE and wear it alone, pretty simple. I’ve read through all your posts and you don’t strike me as the super sentimental type so the fact that you’d likely tuck your engagement ring away is really a non issue. If the sentimental aspect lies in the wedding ring for you then roll with that.

Post # 70
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

Forget about trying to match or pair the disliked e-ring you got, and buy the wedding ring for itself alone. The marriage is what’s important, not the ring, BUT you SHOULD love it at the time. Even though tastes do change over the years. Don’t settle for a ring you hate. It should make you happy when you see it on you every day.

Not all rings go together, so it is usually a good idea to start by finding one you love (either e-ring or w-band) then try to pair that with the second purchase. Also some rings that are loved in a picture end up not looking good on every person’s finger. What’s great on one person can be not so great on you.

If you love rings like most of us here, you’ll probably end up with several to switch up or stack over the years.

Costco has very high quality rings and bands/diamond bands that appraise well for really great prices (comparatively better than jewelry stores), so you might want to take a look there. Some are sold as a set too. 

Post # 71
Member
16 posts
Newbee

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@coffeecakez:  YES! 

I also think, yes – Go together and get a wedding band you ADORE. NOT one to match the engagement ring. Then either don’t wear the engagement ring from him you don’t like, or put it on your right hand (separate from the wedding band YOU love.) then absolutely get the engagement ring you love, when you can afford it – and stack it on top the band you love.

Post # 72
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

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@blues507:  Yikes. All I got from this was you are paying for his degrees (plural), with your salary and he couldn’t even get you something nice. And he didn’t listen and it didn’t seem important enough for him to do real research to make sure of what he was purchasing. Seems like a take this so I’m off the hook type of purchase. 

Edit*** Just saw your update. Good, I’m glad he is willing to upgrade it down the line. Congratulations on your engagement.

Post # 73
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

Ok glad it’s all sorted but….. can we see the ring pretty please?? Anything for some ring porn!!

Post # 74
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Agree with PP; can we see a pic of the ring, pretty please? It sounds pretty despite it being the stones you didn’t want!

Post # 75
Member
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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@blues507:  Ummm. I didn’t read everybody’s posts or any updates but your initial post is so upsetting. Your “fiance” completely and carelessly disregarded everything he knew would make you happy in a ring so he wouldn’t have to save up money. Does that not seem like a huge issue to you? If I were you, I would NOT be searching for a wedding band to match a ring I hate…but I’d DEFINITELY be searching for an entirely new man who cares enough about me to save up and purchase a ring I could cherish for the rest of my life. I’m angry for you, OP.

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