Super frustrated at best friend, rushed engagement and cancelled wedding. :(

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Oh man I feel for you. It’s hard to watch people close to you make a train wreck of their lives. I would probably ask her what she wants you to do with the dress you paid 240.00 for and see if she takes the hint. The rest well, it’s her life and you can decide if you want to be there when it crashes and burns. But she has to make her own decisions. 

Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

My reply would be “Congratulations on finding a solution that fits for y’all. Since I’ve already purchased the dress & altered it, it is nonrefundable. Are you willing to reimburse me?”

Haha probably not quite like that, but it’s exactly what I’d want to put. Expecting you to pay $240 for a dress you only wear once already sucks (that’s about the same as mine for my sisters wedding), expecting  you to pay that for a dress you won’t wear anymore bc she cancelled is flat out rude to me.

If they had broken up, I think my advice would be to just eat the cost. But because they’re still getting married, just cancelled the wedding, I would have no problem asking to be reimbursed.

Post # 4
Member
9785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Honestly? I would ask her to pay you back for the dress. I would incredibly frustrated as well, she’s being very self-absorbed at the moment.

Post # 6
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I would definitely be asking her to repay you for the dress.

Post # 7
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

You say that she hasn’t been acting like herself lately. Is it possible she is having some sort of breakdown? This impulsive, manic-like behavior isn’t safe or sustainable. Can you talk to her about that? Your concern for her? What does her family and the rest of her social circle think of her actions lately? It might be a good idea down the road to have some sort of sit-down intervention with friends and a third party counselor?

Ultimately, though, you can’t control other peoples’ actions. Sometimes it’s best to distance yourself from drama. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Post # 8
Member
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sit her down and tell her your concerns.  They are valid.  You only get one time to do this though, once you have said your piece let things happen as they happen.

Post # 9
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

jimonabee89 :  I hear you! Not that I can help, but I’m in a very similar situation! My good friend met a guy at a workshop in Oct. Hes from the East Canada, she’s in the West. They’ve been together in person for 2 days. He went home and they text constantly. She’s fallen madly in love. The other day she called to say she needs $4000 to move out east to live with him – she can’t be without him. I asked why she can’t pay- and she said she only has $500 limit on Visa. This girl works at Walmart and only makes $1000 a month. She uses the food bank quite a bit. When I asked why not borrow the money from her new boyfriend she said ‘he says if I want to be with him I’ll find a way”

So yesterday she calls to tell me she sold all her furniture to buy him a wedding band, and a plane ticket out east. 

She also gave full custody of her son to her ex husband so she can go be with this guy. 

Am I the only person who thinks this is insane? Her friends all seem to be acting like this is fine – she’s old enough to make her own decisions. I fear she’ll move in with him, and in 2 months will be at my house looking for a place to stay. She’s literally given up everything for a guy she’s been in the same city as for 2 days. Who knows if he actually has a job? A wife? Kids? I’m so frustrated with her, but it’s like talking to a 12-year old. “We’re so in love, and true love will win out in the end”.  People think I’m the mean one for saying this might not work out. What do you think? Is this normal? Am I just old fashioned? 

Post # 10
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

jimonabee89 :  My advice would be to let the cost of the dress go.  She will need your support as a friend in the months ahead.  I see nothing but more trouble and heartache for her.  She needs you to be there for her.  

Post # 11
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Good her 5 minutes, she will probably change her mind again.

with love and kindness, this is probably typical behavior for her and you most likely are not that surprised. Best to take a step back and let her make her mistakes- oops, I mean- don’t what she wants and figure out the outcome. 

Post # 12
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

mishybear :  I was tsking a bit, and then I got to, “she gave custody of her son away.” Oh, lord. Your poor friend! For her sake, I hope it works out, but I cannot even begin to imagine why she made that decision.

And OP: I do think you’d be well within your rights to ask for reimbursement. Other than that, I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m assuming you’ve tried to voice your concerns? I don’t think there’s anything you can do, beyond that. What a mess, though! Especially with a child in the mix. 

Post # 13
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

mishybear :  Not normal. That’s so insane. Giving up her child and selling all her things to buy a plane ticket and a wedding band for a stranger who says things like “if you want to be with me you’ll find a way.” Why doesn’t he give up his life and come be with her? Sounds like she needs some kind of intervention…

Post # 14
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

loca! definitely get reimbursed, honestly with the expenses they are saving by not having a wedding i don’t see why it should be a financial obstacle for her. hopefully she’ll have the manners to offer before you have to bring it up.

Post # 15
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

By The Way, my deepest apologies for jumping in this post and ranting. I’ve been sick over this situation for days and it’s all that’s on my mind. I didn’t mean to diminish your post in any way

jimonabee89 :  And… I would definitely be mad about the dress, and concerned for my friend and her child. I probably would call her and tell her I’m not happy to be stuck with a dress as she jumps around changing her plans. You likely won’t get your money back, but it’s a good starting point to tell her you’re concerned that this marriage is moving too quickly and she needs to stop and consider what she’s doing. If she’s just jumping into marriage to give her kid a father, it’ll be more traumatic for the child if they divorce in 6 months instead of slowing down now and making adult decisions. 

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