(Closed) Super insensitive size comments, does this happen to you too?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

People will comment like this. It’s normal. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but you jsut have to brush it off. It’s not a personal attack.

I’m so sorry comments are sending you into crying fits, but you really need to just suck it up and enjoy it. You’re doing what your body is meant to do and it will go back to normal afterwards.

Huge sweaters, etc. will only make you look bigger. Just smile and take it in stride.

PS, things like this always make me think of the scene in Knocked Up when Allison is on the red carpet trying to interview people like Steve Carrell and Eva Mendes.

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This might be a question for Jessica simpson! Cool

 

The media would not leave her alone about how big her baby was.

Post # 5
Member
6809 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly if they are rude, be rude right back to them.  That way you can blame the hormones! 

Post # 6
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

you are definitely not alone in this, i have been getting comments too and i may have been more upset by them if i hadn’t already seen multiple threads on weddingbee about it.   but i got the same as you….when i went home for my birthday, my friends were all like “oh you are so having twins!” “you are so big”.  When i was letting them touch my stomach to feel movement, one friend pretended to feel movement in two spots to indicate twins and has also insisted that the “other baby” has been hiding in my ultrasounds.  at one point, i just start ignoring her altogether.  Even my husband has compared me to his pregnant coworker who is so much smaller than me and ahead of me in her pregnancy!  i think i finally told him “so basically you are saying i look huge and fat” and he got the hint to stop making comparisons!

the latest was today when a teenage client of mine said “no offense, but you look like you are about to burst”!   I let it roll off because she is 15 years old, and i just said i hope i don’t burst for another 5 weeks!

So basically you know, i know, and all pregnant women know that pregnancy comes in all shapes and sizes (check out the bump threads on here!), other people don’t seem to get that and also seem to think it’s okay to call us huge when we  (well i speak for myself anyway) already feel like a beached whale.

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Keep in mind that if they weren’t commenting on how big you are, they’d be commenting on how small you are, like implying that you’re not healthy or gaining enough weight for the baby. There is really just no good comment on a pregnant women’s (heck, ANY women’s) weight, I don’t know why people are so rude!

I’m not far along enough yet to be getting size comments, the lovely gem which everyone seems to think is appropriate to aks me is, “Were you guys trying?” Um, what? Yeah, any question asking about my sex life or if this baby was an accident should not be coming from strangers or my co-workers!

Post # 8
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Wonderstruck:  yup, the rude questions go in phases. when we first announced to our friends and family about our pregnancy (which was not entirely planned), EVERYONE asked if it was planned! i was not expecting this and was honest with some people and others i learned to say yes, it was planned!  my husband also didn’t like the question and told his family it was “semi” planned.  like seriously, though, those people are basically asking if you intentionally or unintetionally had unprotected sex!

Post # 10
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m tall too. With all 3 of my pregnancies I went from 5’10, 140ish to 215ish. They were all big babies too. With my 3rd I was noticably pregnant by the time I was 10 weeks. That makes for a LOOONG pregnancy of nasty and inappropriate comments and questions. I got the twins “jokes” too. They started to end when people expected me to laugh and I would just give them the “death look”.  It does hurt, cuz you’re having a freakin baby! there’s nothing you can do about weight gain lol. I did let it get to me a few times, and deffinatley blew up on complete strangers for being rude. Probably not my finer moments, but I did feel better lol. I don’t like the “was it planned” question either. Really, who cares! If the world was populated by “planned” pregnancies, do you really think there would be 6 billion people on the planet? lol  I mostly hated when strangers would corner me to rub my belly. Eventually I just started rubbing theirs back, pregnant or not (and usually not lol). Gotta have a little fun with these insensitive people 😉

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

When we were in college, my roommate got pregnant. I was shocked at some comments people made. One of the worst offenders: ‘Well at least you only gained weight in your face and thighs!’ um what?! I spent many nights comforting her. People are so clueless and rude 🙁

Post # 12
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@HisWifey:  i find it doesn’t even feel that amazing when people say what is supposed to be a “good” thing, that is, i have also had people tell me “oh you are keeping it all in your belly”.  In reality, when they say that, i feel like they are just saying it and don’t know better.  because i know my second trimester clothes don’t fit anymore and i just know my body all around has gained weight. maybe it’s proportional and so people get the illusion its all in my belly, but i know it’s not!  So really, the only nice thing to say to a pregnant person is “you look great!”  

Post # 13
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Nickles9911:  For what it’s worth, I don’t think they’re commenting on YOU being “so big” or “huge”, but just your belly. I don’t think anyone at all is saying that you’ve gotten fat or is commenting on your overall appearance, just your belly. People love to whip out the cliches for all sorts of things, and one of the go-to jokes about pregnancy is about how big a woman’s pregnancy belly is. And I get their point. It’s always, always amazing at how a woman’s body accomodates growing life, how capable we are of keeping them safe and nourished inside of our bodies. And a bigger belly for a lot of people means that you’re doing an amazing job of making sure that your baby is growing big (not huge, not fat, not anything negative, just good baby big) and strong and healthy. At the same time, for a lot of women (and men), they just don’t realize how much our bodies do change, how big our bellies do get and to them a big healthy baby belly makes them picture more than one little one in there. 

I know that it probably doesn’t help, but I hope it might just a little. Working in an office where quite a few women were pregnant during the time I was there, these little cliches were tossed around all the time as a light way of acknowledging the pregnancy, the progress, the time that’s gone by, how happy they are for you. I really, truly don’t believe that any of these people intended to insult you or hurt you. I really, really think that it was just their way of being supportive.

I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, I promise. I hope that it doesn’t come across that way.

Post # 14
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Nickles9911:  luckily i had a few tactful friends present as well who made appropriate comments, so it all balanced out.  and like i said, it’s from reading threads like this one, plus looking at the bump threads that really let me roll those comments right off my shoulder because i know its THEM being inappropriate and not knowing any better….and not there is any truth to what they are saying, because also like you, my doctor has said my weight gain is fine. i am 8 months and have gained just under 35 pounds. a little more than i wanted, as i estimate i will gain a total of 40-45 by the time i am done, but its not extremely outside the brackets of the recommended 25-35.

Post # 15
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I agree with what everyone else has said, they aren’t saying it to be mean but probably more as you’ve got a nice healthy baby! I know it can be very frustrating & annoying though. When I was pregnant with my son I had the opposite problem, everyone kept saying how small I was! I didn’t gain much weight but that wasn’t a concern of my doctors but to everyone else, my belly was too small & how could I be 9 months pregnant already! Or people assumed I was having a girl because I was so small (we were team green). And not to bring a sad side to this, but 9 months ago I lost my second baby boy at 20 weeks pregnant so I am completely envious of all the pregnant women with big bellies. 

I say you should embrace your belly & enjoy it! 

Post # 16
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Can I just say that I never thought of those comments as degrading before? This thread really opened my eyes to that. As someone who’s never been pregnant, and isn’t around pregnant women a lot, I would have never thought of it as rude or insestitive. To me, it’s just something you say to pregnant women, like you see a lady who’s obviously pregnant and it’s just automatic to go “You look like you’re gonna pop!”

I wouldn’t have ever guessed that that typical response would be hurtful. I can totally see your perspective now, and won’t ever comment on how big a pregnant woman’s gotten, just how wonderful pregnancy looks on her. So thanks for that =)

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