(Closed) Super long engagments?

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
4153 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I know a friend of mine will be engaged 3 years by the time of her wedding.  But only started dress shopping a year in advance.  They waited for financial reasons.

I’m like you though, I couldn’t imagine being engaged longer than a year.  To me getting engaged is a stepping stone to being married, not a waiting zone.  I want a marriage not a wedding.  No one in my family has been engaged longer than 9 months.  My parents were engaged 4.

I do understand if it’s financially driven, but I don’t get the “I’m waiting x long so I can have the venue/photographer/whatever of my dreams”.

Don’t mean to offend anyone on here.

(I should add that I’m a waiting bee)

Post # 5
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t find it odd, but I personally don’t care for it and it’s not for me. Fiance knew this, so he knew that when he propsed, it had to be at the right time, since he knew I wouldn’t want to be engaged more than a year. We haven’t seen long-engagements go well.

I had a friend be engaged for two years so she could save $2,000 month, on top of what her family and her now DH’s family was giving them. She had a set wedding plan since she was 12-years-old and was going to have it, even if it meant waiting that long to get the money to make it happen. She bought her dress within three months of getting engaged and had to have it altered at least five times and she sent out her STD magnets a year and a half before the wedding. It really got old and it was more of a “Thank God they’re finally married!” type of wedding, as grand and over-excessive as it was.

Post # 6
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My FI’s brother just got engaged. They aren’t setting a date, but I know they won’t get married for at least 2 years. They are both getting Masters degrees right now and FI’s brother is planning on a doctor’s after that. They both live with their parents and can’t afford to move out, so they’re waiting a couple years until they get real jobs and can support themselves.

My Fiance could have chosen to propose in our senior year of college, but he waited until he was 1 year into his graduate degree so we would only have a 1 year engagement.

It just depends on the couple – I don’t think it’s odd to be engaged longer, just difficult if you want to be married but can’t because of school and or finances.

Post # 7
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sometimes it has to do with taking care of various things (like finishing school) before getting married.

My fiance and I live together and consider each other family, so we’ve already started our life together (or at least we see it that way).

I get what you are saying though. I need to take care of a few things before we make it legal, but then we are planning to do a quick elopement instead of taking 1 or 2 years to plan a wedding 🙂

Oh I should add that I’d rather have my long engagement than spend those years waiting!

Post # 8
Member
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Our engagement was 2 years and 1 month.  We’re at 11 months and change now!  We are saving money to buy a house just before marriage and wanted to pay for most of the wedding ourself. 

It worked for us!

Post # 9
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I made a commitment by saying yes I will marry you why would I drag that promise out.

Drag that promise out?  Fiance and I made a ‘commitment’ to each other when we started dating 8 years ago.  What’s the huge rush to have a wedding?  We have the whole rest of our lives together.  We don’t need to hurry up and get married to prove that we are together and committed to each other.

When all is said and done, Fiance and I will be engaged for 22 months.  It was a mutual decision,  Fiance and I both decided the timeline of our engagement.  It had to do with multiple factors, including financial issues, work schedules, venue choice, season, etc.

Also, we have been able to break down the wedding planning and do things on our own time.  We both work full-time and we are house hunting.  Planning a wedding is extrememly time consuming and it works better for us that we take our time. It’s been a lot less stressful because we can plan things and then take breaks and enjoy spending time together sans wedding planning.

 

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Fiance and I will be engaged for about 2-3 years before we are able to get married.  We were together for 3 before we got engaged.  We were supposed to get married a year after our engagement but I decided to go on for more education, so it was wisest to wait.  Even though we can’t wait to get married.  And before I move 4 hours away he wanted to propose to me.

Our parents give us a lot of grief over us having a long engagement and not having a new date nailed down, but we have to do what is right for us.  The only person that really understands is my grandmother who was engaged to my grandfather for four years while she waited for WWII to end and for him to come home.  (She didn’t want to be an army wife.)

Post # 12
Member
4153 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I understand what PPs have said about wanting to finish school etc.  SO and I just decided we wanted to be done with all those things before we got engaged rather than get engaged knowing we’d have to wait to get married.

Post # 13
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

everyone is different, I got engaged to my fiance after 3 1/2 years and we’re marrying on our 5 year anniversary

I don’t see why there is a huge rush…a wedding is a big expense…and a lot of planning is involved…

 

@BetterSherm:  Damn you’re pretty harsh–I mean I’m not one of those girls that is obsessed with her wedding but if someone is….so what? It’s their relationship! 

 

I say if your relationship can’t survive a long engagement you probably have no business getting married!

Post # 14
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your post sounds a bit judgmental and jumping to conclusions about people who wait longer than 6-12 months to get married.  I don’t think you can make a general statement that people who wait a few years to get married want the wedding not the marriage.  We have a 13 month engagement – I would have been happier with shorter, but was for venue and season purposes.  I still think you need at least 9-12 months to really plan a wedding without rushing – wedding dress alone takes around 6 months to come in!  We are happy to have the time to really plan things out and to enjoy our engagement before we had to jump right into planning. I wish we were getting married 6 months ago but a year isn’t that long – and is pretty “average”

Post # 15
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@sylvia.riggle:  I didn’t meant to come across as harsh. I’m glad she had the wedding of her dreams. There’s many more factors that pertain to this bride that I just left for time’s sake, as well as getting off the topic at hand. I didn’t/don’t judge her. I just explained here her specific scenario and my personal disagreement with it. To each their own.

Post # 16
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sylvia.riggle:  I say if your relationship can’t survive a long engagement you probably have no business getting married!


THIS!!!!!  We don’t have a long engagement – but that is SO true! 

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