Post # 1
I understand that it may be rude to only invite some guests to each wedding event, but what about a parents only ceremony?
We wanted to do a “parents only” ceremony then go right on our honeymoon, sort of a compromise to eloping, but everyone was upset that they were excluded and couldn’t party with us, and we did want to celebrate with our friendsa and family. So we added a fun casual reception to the plans.
But people are still upset about the ceremony. But we are modest people and never wanted a traditional wedding. We want an intimate moment and neither of us like the thought of the “big” day.
My twin brother is officiating, and we each have have one attendant. Then parents and our 3 remaining grandparents will be there and that is all. The only non-immediate family member there will be the photographer.
It will be in a park. no rehersal dinner, no church. We’re are nixing a lot of ‘wedding’ details in general for a chance to make it comfortable for my fiance and I.
Is this rude? I have a soft back bone and guilt affects me greatly, I hate people thinking I’m being selfish, but this is the time I SHOULD be selfish right?
FH’s family is actually stressing me out/tossing guilt about A LOT of details besides the ceremony. What we’re wearing, our DIY cake, not inviting children, not inviting parents friends, etc etc.
I am so confused
Post # 3
The one and ONLY time it is ok per etiquette to have a small ceremony & big reception is when it is immediate family only. You are ok! I think it’s nice to have such a small private affair with just your families, and that the big party is your way of compromising and including extended family & friends. As for your FI’s family, let your Fiance deal with them. He can explain the situation to them, and they need to respect that this is what both of you envision for your wedding.
Post # 4
It’s totally ok. Don’t let people pressure you!
Post # 5
It’s hard for me to not get distracted by expectations sometimes, and luckily Fiance has a hard stand for what we want and won’t budge.
He will stand up for our ideas and any opinion I have against his mom and family, because he said he’s making a family with me and my ideals are important. He’s an only child very close to his mom, and this makes me feel very lucky and special.
I am going to try to let go and let him deal with them and quit worrying.
Post # 6
This isnt rude or selfish at all! Im also having a very small ceremony, 10 guests total, and we are all going out to dinner at a resturant afterwards. I dont like alot of attention on me, and I get nervous in front of alot of people, so a nice small casual ceremony is perfect.
We are going to throw a party a few weeks after that everyone will be invited to, but it will be really laid back and people can come and go as they please. We also plan on having a slide show of the wedding pictures so everyone can feel like they were there.
I also felt guilty about not inviting every family member possible, but this is about me and my future husband, and we are going to do what we want. Dont let anyone make you feel guilty, its your day! 🙂
Post # 7
@DaneLady: That’s just not true, it is accepted etiquette to have a smaller ceremony (even if not just immediate family) and a larger reception. It’s the reverse that’s bad etiquette (inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception).
Post # 8
Nope…I’m going small (even though venues keep telling me 25 persons is the same price). Do what makes YOU happy. No matter what you do surrounding a wedding, I realize you will offend someone. I am for once my Fiance is happy, I am happy and my parents are happy- its all good!
Post # 9
@DaneLady: Exactly this. You are having a private ceremony of immediate family only, which is ok. If you opened it up to a few friends/extended family, THEN you would be getting into dangerous waters etiquette wise. But your current plans are fine!
Post # 10
Definitely don’t feel bad about this! This is basically what we’re doing, although we’re still eloping. My parents wouldn’t have been very bothered not to be there, but my SO is an only child for his mother (and her mother’s only grandchild) and the oldest for his father, and I know they will be very hurt not to be there. So we are inviting them to come along with us if they’re able to come. I am very private and didn’t really want a wedding of any kind, but my SO very much wants to have parties afterward with both sides of his family, so we’re going to do that to satisfy his desire to celebrate with his families and their desire to celebrate with us. It’s definitely not bad etiquette, although of course someone will complain about something along the way. It’s great that your Fiance will stand up for what you’ve decided together.
Post # 11
@Kjeff760: Perfect explanation :]