Post # 1
If I had known then, what I know now, I don’t know that I would have ever attempted to have a wedding. Much less, a bridal party.
I am absolutely disgusted by the way my party has behaved. I have never been a bridesmaid, but my assumption has always been that a good bridesmaid wears the dress and stands there smiling. Boy, was I wrong!
I have lost one lifetime friend in all of this while the others continue to pick apart and complain about every piece of planning I do. It took me months to pick a stupid bridesmaid’s dress and now the same thing is being repeated with shoes. I finally decided to have the girsl pick their own, with some guidelines. To which my Future Sister-In-Law said would be “tacky.” FML. I am over this crap!
I know I am so lucky to be marrying the man I love and I am beyond spoiled with all the money my parents are spending on this event but it has been the most stressful and, at times, most horrible experience of my life.
I can’t take this crap anymore!
Anyone else want to rant?
Post # 3
@MrsM914: I don’t have a rant, just a tip.
Most brides these days let their girls pick their shoes as long as they fit within a certain color range and style (i.e. no flip flips, no platforms). I don’t know how you approached this (were you very insistant on finding matching shoes that cost $60?), but if I was told I have to buy this certain pair of shoes but hated them, I would be upset too.
I’ll spend $150 on a dress I’ll wear once, no problem. But $60 on canary yellow pumps, and that’s where I draw the line. (As long as the dress isn’t hidious or revealng. Or, most importantly, too expensive. More than $150, and I better damn have a say in that dress.)
But it’s OK, you can vent. 🙂
Post # 4
First time bride here, 4 times bridesmaid… I basically resent all the bridesmaid dresses and shoes I’ve had to purchase for myself, never able to wear any of them again. I’ve shelled out at least $200 for each wedding just on shoes and a dress just to make a bride happy. Was I happy? Heck no. Being a poor high school or college kid doesn’t scream “spend money.” But I did it for my girlfriends, and I never said a negative word about it.
Now fast forward (12 years later from my first bridesmaid showing), it crossed my mind to pick the same ladies and have them shell out some dough for dresses and shoes they could never wear again so they could be matchy and look like bridesmaids. But I found a better solution… NO BRIDESMAIDS. Period. No one to complain, no one to make drama, no one to take shopping, no one to spend more money on. Maybe that’s selfish? It made my life a lot easier to have zero. Besides they each just saved a lot of money and the hatred of wearing something they don’t like. Win win? Maybe that’s a stretch.
I love reading the bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor vents… just confirms why I didn’t pick any to begin with. But keep venting, I love hearing the stories!
Post # 5
My guidelines were super flexible
No spike heels (ceremony is outside)
No flip flops
Complimetary color for dress that isn’t loud (so maybe stick with nuetrals)
I didn’t feel they were unreasonable at all.
ETA: But, even if the guidelines weren’t flexible, it’s not like these girls were forced to be a bridesmaid. They could have easily said “Sorry but I don’t have the cash.”
Post # 6
You made the right choice. One I wish I had made. I probably would have if my groom wasn’t so insistent on having attendants.
I really thought drressing the party would be the easiest decision and it has ended up being most difficult.
I really don’t care anymore. They can wear Big Bird slippers for all I care.
Post # 7
No, that’s very reasonable. I just read your post as in you initially were asking them to pick specific shoes though the “I finally decided” part.
But I tend to read between the lines very deeply, and it’s not always accurate. My apologies.
Post # 8
No, I never picked a specific shoe to begin with. Sorry. Should have been more specific.
Post # 9
I’m a first time bride and bridesmaid! I’m a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding later this month and my wedding is in November.
OP, I’m sorry you’re having a tough time with your BM’s. I’m not happy with all of the choices/costs my friend has made but I sucked it up and paid b/c I figure that’s part of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Yours should be helping you by providing some constructive alternatives, not complaining or insulting your decisions.
For my own wedding, my Maid/Matron of Honor has been awesome and is leading the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress search. We had a group video chat to decide on the length/color of the dresses and now they’re going to pick a dress (or dresses) that suit their taste and budget. Maid/Matron of Honor will send me the final pick(s) to make sure they’re okay.
Post # 10
Amen! I totally get what you’re saying. I lost one decade long friend over this, since she couldn’t just suck it up and try to be nice to the other bridesmaid who she suddenly is not on speaking terms with. I mean, you guys can’t stand in the same room together for a half hour for me? Really? Bridesmaid #2 (bridesman technically!) is suddenly the biggest hater in the world and actually gave me a lecture about the “wedding industrial complex” while I was shopping for my $&*#ing wedding dress! In the middle of the store!!!
Bridesmaid #3 has always been anti-marriage and was very hostile when I said I got engaged. And the amazing thing is she has come through for me over and over, even when I call her crying in the middle of the night. So that’s the thing. Weddings do weird things to people, and some people will surprise you. Both in negative but also in really good ways!
Post # 11
I just have a Maid/Matron of Honor and that’s it. I told her to wear whatever she wants! Problem solved!
Post # 12
I want a Moh and that’s it. The two weddings I was a bridesmaid in were lovely but some of the girls were difficult when it came to picking dresses. There were 4 of us in the first wedding I stood in and the Maid/Matron of Honor was difficult. The rest of us loved this one dress and we ended up with another one twice as expensive that she liked. The bride in the second got pissed when the other 2 girls complained about the dress she picked out…which I loved and have actually worn several times since. Problem with my wedding is that I have several friends who have “fallen out” over the past few years and I’ve maintained relationships with both sides. I have serious doubts about their ability to be in the same wedding party together
Post # 13
My bridesmaids are four of my closest friends and my sister. I am somewhat flexible in terms of preference- I wanted a certain shade of blue, and chiffon, and short, and they worked it out themselves with myself as mediator. Any beige heel or sandal was sufficient. They chose an expensive line of dresses, and one bridesmaid wasn’t happy with the cost, so I said she could find something of her own that closely matched. That worked out okay.
I just wish we weren’t all so busy. I had all sorts of promises of “I’ll help you with centrepieces”, “I’ll plan your shower”, “I’ll help you find aisle runners”, “We’ll arrange nights just to plan” etc etc. Which just hasn’t happened. I knew it would be hard, as two of them live away and one is married with a very, very, active schedule. Three of us also work shift work. But if I’d known I would be THIS much on my own, I would have eloped to Cuba in a heartbeat. I only decided on a wedding because I thought I would get more help in this kind of way, because I am CLUELESS when it comes to weddings. I don’t know what I’m doing, they do, but they are too busy to help much. I am scared they will have a WTF moment at the actual wedding and realize that hey, I wasn’t kidding about being clueless.
That’s my rant of the day, thanks for allowing me a space to have my whinefest:).
Post # 14
Same here: I stalk these threads to remind myself I made the right move :-p
Post # 15
YUPPPP.. I hear ya! If I had known that my bridal party was going to give me as much stress as they have, I would have eloped!!!
Picking out a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress — very stressful. Someone always had something bad to say about some dress — makes my arms look big, I don’t want strapless, makes my butt huge.. yada, yada yada.. the moment I CHOSE the dress for them, they all shut it –gave them 8 weeks to order… deadline was a month ago.. and only TWO have ordered the dress out of FIVE!!!
I’ve asked for suggestions on the shoes, accessories, make up — no answer. So, I’ve given up. I told them wedding is in two months.. if you don’t get the dress this week.. SEE YA LATER. as far as make up and accessories? I was going to give it to them as a gift, but.. on second thought.. I’D PASS.
the sad part is.. when I got engaged last year and asked them to be in my bridal party beginning of the year, they said they were all excited. I wanted to make sure they had time and $$ for it. No one backed out. Now, that its not about them anymore (dress is picked out) and that its about my fiance and i starting our life together, no one wants to help. no one wants to talk when i call. no one wants to answer my fb messages (all marked READ). Sad — to think i’ve known these girls for the last 10 years.
Weddings bring out the funniest emotions in people.. they either feel sorry for themselves because they’re single and probably feel like they’ll never get married. OR they’re jealous that they’re not having the big wedding themselves. who knows. all i know is when I was a bridesmaid a couple of times.. i’ve actively participated. answered every text, phone call. I even helped out with the bridal shower/bachelorette eventhough I wasn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor. My wedding is in two months.. and there is no sign of a bridal shower/bachelorette… its so freaking depressing.
Post # 16
I feel you, OP. It’s a nightmare. I have numerous posts about my bridesmaidzilla on here… and the other ladies, whilst lovely, are currently giving me a heart attack. We are currently less than two weeks out, and they don’t have their shoes. All I asked was that they get a formal looking pair of navy blue shoes. Six months ago. *Sigh*
They also don’t seem to know when the rehearsal is…