Supporting a newly divorced friend

posted 4 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
579 posts
Busy bee

Be a good listener. Don’t bash the other party. Don’t say “we never liked her”, etc etc. Provide an evening of normalcy in what is most likely a very chaotic time for your friend. Sounds like you’re on the right track! 

  • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  motogal. Reason: Clarity
Post # 3
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

just be there.  they are probably fine today but, the months that follow is when the support and friendship is really going to be needed.  divorce is an emotional roller coaster.  it feels freeing at first and like everything else, can follow a pattern of grief. it sounds like you guys are really loving your friend and making sure he has a safe place to just hang out and that is awesome!

Post # 4
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Your doing everything right. He may not even want to talk about it tonight. Just ask how he is doing and let the conversation flow. 

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I agree to act normally around your friend and be there to listen if he wants to talk. I wouldn’t hide out or anything to give your husband and his friend “dude time.” If he wants to talk to your husband alone, they can schedule a time to go out, but if he’s coming over for a bbq, have a bbq. He might just want some normalcy.

Post # 7
Member
2568 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

hockeybee0104 :  I don’t really have any advice but I completely get how hard it is to feel like a supportive friend. Recently I feel like I had a wave of acquaintance level friends who got divorced and I never know how to be supportive. 

It sounds like you’re being awesome friends though. 

Post # 10
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

hockeybee0104 :  

You can never go wrong by validating someone’s feelings and letting them feel heard.

If your friend sounds sad, angry, or upset, all you really have to do is let him know you’re hearing the sadness, the anger, or the upset.  You sound really upset right now. If he wants to say more, fine.  If not, fine.  You have done a good and helpful thing by giving your friend a chance to feel heard. None of us get that enough.

No need to offer advice or opinions.  He may be getting more than enough already.

Post # 11
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

As someone who has been through a divorce, I can say that one of the best things my friends did to help support me was to just be available and not act like they were walking on eggshells around me. One particular friend would always ask something along the lines of “do you feel like you need to talk about things tonight, or do you just want a no-divorce-talk zone and some chill time to focus on something else for a while?” and that was always awesome. She totally respected it every time I didn’t want to talk about it at all and I never felt pressured to talk about it when I didn’t want to.

I also very much appreciated my friends who would let me cry/vent/whatever without trying to insert their own advice or opinions into the conversation without me asking, but instead just listened, gave hugs, and grabbed some drinks with me when I didn’t want to be alone and needed some company. The same friend above would also always ask me, whenever I needed to vent or cry, whether I wanted advice, or just wanted to vent/cry. She was one of my biggest supports through the entire thing and I will love her forever for how she handled it all.

Post # 13
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Listen and provide fun distractions!  

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