Post # 1
Ok, so I am a bridesmaid in my cousins upcoming wedding. I am 8 years older and have been Maid/Matron of Honor in 4 different weddings… so I have been through this a few times ( also just FYI I am not married myself). She is putting off dress shopping until she loses more weight. Which I totally get and understand why she would want to do that. The thing is, we are 8 months from the wedding date and she has yet to go dress shopping… Which worries me that she will put it off too long and will have a hard time finding something she can get in time. And I really want her to have her dream dress, not something she had to settle on. So this is my question to you, would I be completely crazy to book and surprise her with a dress appointment just the 2 of us? I know it could be taken the wrong way, and there my be hurt feelings (my aunt has been a bit crazy since the engagement). Any opinions, thoughts, suggestions? THANKS!!!!
Post # 2
Do not do it, she has explicitly told you she is purposely not going shopping yet so don’t do against her wishes and “surprise” her.
At the end of the day it is just a dress, she will find one without you babying her.
Post # 3
venus14963 : have you let her know about time constraints around ordering a wedding dress?? Some women genuinely don’t know that it can take up to 6 months or more to receive the dress after ordering. Maybe just let her know what her options are if she waits any longer? If she already knows, then she’s probably okay with that possibility
Post # 4
Just talk to her about it. If she mentions again that she wants to wait until she loses weight you can say, “no worries! dresses can take up to six months to come in after you order them, do you want me to start looking for boutiques to book at within the next couple of months? whatever I can do to help, no pressure” 🙂
She might even want to look just herself. Whatever the case, I’d express concern about the timeline once and then leave it at that as she is an adult and will eventually get it sorted on her own
Post # 5
I would surprise her find out her size and go somewhere that has dresses in her size. But I think if you can find a place that has dresses that fit she may feel better about the whole thing. I put it off till 8 months and after it all I wish I had gone sooner.
Post # 6
Nope, nope, nope – since you are not the bride, I would not book a bridal dress appointment (even though you have only the best of intentions). If I were the bride in that situation, I would be pretty pissed.
As PP suggested, I would start talking about her dress to her and slip in the timing knowledge you have from previous weddings you’ve experienced. Instead of doing things for her without her consent, ask her what you can do to help out. 🙂 It’s her wedding in the end and should be her decision.
Post # 7
Don’t do it, you have no idea how she’ll feel when she tries on dresses, and you don’t want to be the cause of her feeling bad. It’s possible she’s delaying it because she knows she’ll feel down when trying on the dresses at her current weight (I say this because I’m in the process of losing weight, and it is a concern of mine). Maybe when she tries them on, she’ll realize she feels beautiful regardless, but you can’t know that. Or maybe it’s not that she’ll feel bad about herself when trying on dresses, it’s genuinely that she just thinks it would make more sense to wait to try on dresses so she doesn’t have to do as many alterations. But you can’t know that.
So just talk to her. Tell her you’d love to go dress shopping, just the two of you, even if it’s just for fun and she doesn’t want to commit to buying the dress right away. You can mention how long it can take to get a dress in. But in the end, don’t push it too much, and respect her decision.
Post # 8
You don’t even know if she had been secretly shopping for dresses alone because she’s so concerned about her weight and was worried that she might not look good in front of you guys.
Don’t do it. It’ll just stress her out more.
Post # 9
I would not do it. I would talk to her about timing just to be sure she knows how long these things take… but I would not book a surprise appointment. Plus you don’t know who else she wants there when she’s ready to shop
Post # 10
It’s really not your place to make her an appointment like this. You wouldn’t make her an appointment for a Pap test would you? Same deal: it’s a personal decision.
You can however let her know about ordering timelines, it’s the kind thing to do.