(Closed) Surprise for In-Laws ruined by them, now DH and I are fighting…

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
944 posts
Busy bee

anonbee98765 :  I would be SO embarrassed by you if I was your husband. You don’t like their response to a surprise you did for yourself and your husband, tried to make them hang out in a field for FOUR HOURS while you enjoy the hot air balloon that you can reschedule at any time, get mad at your husband that he is choosing to not alienate his parents who came to visit you both, ignore them during the hour plus ride home, go up to your room and cry for a long time while still ignoring everyone, come down stairs tell everyone you are leaving without trying to discuss what happened and you don’t see that you are out of line? And you can honestly say if roles were reversed, you would be OK with this behavior? 

The worst thing your in laws did was not apologize, but honestly how can they when you’ve been avoiding them?!

Post # 49
683 posts
Busy bee

you have no idea how long I’d be willing to wait, especially in a field

I’ve found my new favorite comeback of all time. 

Post # 50
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. Honestly if I was you, this situation would have really disappointed me too. I don’t think anyone is blaming you for that. I think what is rubbing people wrong is how you’re responding to it.

You say the tickets were a gift for them, but your attitude isn’t reflecting that. A gift is when you give something and expect nothing in return, no matter the outcome. But you are clearly expecting something, even if it’s just an apology or an offer to pay you for it. Any sort of expectation from them automatically makes it not a gift. Yes, even being offended you didn’t get a “thank you” is an expectation of return. It is wonderful when someone returns a polite thank you, but it shouldn’t be an expectation.

Second, I have to agree with other bees that leaving your guests without speaking to them was very rude as a host. It surprises me that you are very nit-picky about their manners but fail to see how your own actions are coming across. If I was a guest at someone’s house, I would be incredibly hurt and assume they were mad at me if they left to go shopping without saying a word.

If I had picked an activity that scared my friends or family without consulting them, regardless how much I paid, I would apologize to THEM profusely. Fears aren’t something that normally come up in conversation, so I can see how you would never have known, but they should be respected. Even if it wasn’t a deep fear and more of a “would rather not,” I would never expect my guest to “suck it up” and just do what I wanted for 4 hours. Once again, that’s not a gift. It’s rather opposite, since it goes from you giving something to you demanding something from them.

I really think you ought to apologize and maybe take them out for dinner with your bonus money if you want to show your appreciation to your husband’s family.

Post # 53
683 posts
Busy bee

“Yes, I treated myself, but I also stopped at the grocery store to pick up some pre-made food for dinner tonight.”

Hold on, let me get the Pope on the phone for a spot Beatification. 

Post # 54
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

you are so wrong here it honestly sounded trolly at certain points during your story.  not only are you SHOCKED that they wouldn’t suck it up and do it, but you also feel entitled to an offering of reimbursement for your tactless idea.  I’m shocked that you’re shocked.  your poor in laws..

Post # 55
45658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is the risk you take when you plan a surprise.

The dumbest thing ever to be fighting about? No.

On the spectrum of dumb things to be fighting about? Absolutely.

Post # 57
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Two words: Grow up!

Post # 58
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I really wish ops would start adding a disclaimer “I’m 100% right, please only comment to affirm that”, so people could save their time and energy.

Post # 59
944 posts
Busy bee

anonbee98765 :  So after you threw a mini tantrum in the field and tried to ditch them, you expected them to say something first? They most likely had no idea what to say to you after what happened….. Your feelings were hurt. I get that. Mine would’ve been as well. But I also would’ve been the bigger person and tried to salvage the day. And the requires being the bigger person and saying something first. Remember, they flew out to VISIT you guys. They’ve spent money to see you and they probably don’t care what they do as long as they are WITH YOU. Not watching you do something, not taking the car for multiple hours while you and your husband were miles high in the sky, and they probably fine being in the living room TALKING WITH YOU. 

I hope that after you are done running away and clearing your head and you can at least apologize for your reaction and move on. 

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