- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Over the last couple of months I have been planning a big surprise for my SO (sorry this is so so long). The last few months of our relationship have been hard and the waiting phase hasn’t been easy for either of us. At a football game in September, he commented that he hadn’t seen a game at his team’s new stadium (he is a HUGE Cowboys fan!) and he would like to do that with his buddies some day. Plus, he hadn’t seen his two best friends from Texas for 3 or 4 years now (mostly bc SO spends holidays and vacations with me now) so I thought it would be great for him to visit.
I did my homework- I checked the game schedule and knew I had to set it up before the end of the year because it didn’t look like the Cowboys would be in the playoffs. I snooped in SO’s phone to get phone numbers for his buddies and planned the whole thing. There was a game that just happened to be the day after his birthday AND was the weekend after he finished final exams, so I went with it. I bought him plane tickets, got him and his buddies a hotel suite, got them tickets to the Cowboys game (and great seats, BTW), a ticket to park at the game, and printed out all the directions they would need and assembled an itinerary of sorts for the weekend.
As luck would have it, a week and a half ago one of his finals got moved to the next week on Monday at 10 AM! He wasn’t scheduled to arrive back home til Monday afternoon and he had no idea. I changed his plane ticket to get in late Sunday night at an airport 2-2.5 hours from us because there weren’t any late flights where we live. So I will be driving up to get him from the airport and driving him back. I asked SO if we could still celebrate his birthday that weekend or if he needed to study for his exam. He said that he had a 106% in the class and he wouldn’t have to study much. I was so glad that this last minute change wouldn’t ruin all my (nonrefundable) plans.
For his gift, I bought him a new Cowboys hat (the last one I got him has seen better days) and had it personalized with his name and number. I put the hat in the box and put a hand-made card underneath the hat. The card had an airplane that said- Happy 29th Birthday! Pack your bags! Grab your hat because tomorrow you are flying to Dallas for a guys weekend with your buddies! (or something like that)
Today is SO’s birthday(12/15). He has never been a big fan of his bday bc he never really celebrated it growing up (it’s so close to Christmas that he ended up getting combo presents and didn’t celebrate his birthday). Last night we had a double date for dinner and a movie (The Hobbit in 3D- and yes it was good!). I wanted him to open his gift at dinner but he made a fuss that it wasn’t his birthday yet so why bother. We had a great night and when we got back to his place I asked if he would open his present now and he said okay.
I got my camera out to pretend to take pictures, but really I was video-recording him because I wanted to record his reaction for perpetuity.
He did not have the happy/excited/bouncing off the walls reaction that I had hoped.
In fact, instead I have a video of SO reading the card with my fantastic surprise saying- “No, I’m not leaving tomorrow. I can’t leave tomorrow. I have a final on Monday, don’t you realize I have a final on Monday?” That is when I turned the camera off. I explained that I had been planning it for months and he wasn’t supposed to have a final on Monday and it was already planned and asked him if I wanted to tell his friends that he was not coming. He said he would go but that it was going to screw over his test. I quietly sat on the couch in the livingroom while he packed a bag for the trip. After 20 minutes of silence he said that it was a very thoughtful gift and it was very sweet of me to do all that for him, but it seemed too late for all that. I wanted to just let it go but he wanted to talk to me because he was concerned that I was mad at him. He explained that he was overwhelmed at first because of his final exam; I explained that I was hoping for a more positive reaction. I said that I wasn’t sure what I did wrong, and I really thought he would be bubbling over with excitement. He assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong and it was his fault. I felt bad about his final, but he had am amazing grade in that class, could study on the plane, and that I didn’t expect his reaction. at. all.
He said he was sorry. He offered to re-open it and be more excited about it. He said if he had spent months planning something and I acted like that he would be crushed. He said now he felt like he didn’t do enough at Christmas. He said he acted like a jerk and he wished he hadn’t been such “a complete asshole” (his words, not mine). He said it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. He said he would make it up to me and held me closely.
And THEN we started talking about his proposal and how that was his obvious chance to plan something nice for me and he wanted me to have a great “proposal story” to tell, especially since I have waited longer than we wanted and longer than either of us planned. He said most ideas he has aren’t good enough and I said that he is an intelligent man and he will figure something out and it will be great. He said he wasn’t good at planning things like I am and he would never be able to plan something as great as my trip I planned for him for his birthday. I said it wasn’t a competition and that I’m sure it would be great. He said his greatest fear is that I won’t react well when he does it. It was hard for me to reassure him it would be fine when he was such a jerk that night. I washed my face in the bathroom and just sobbed for a few minutes to privately get it out of my system.
All my friends knew about this surprise and now they are bugging me about how it went. They want to see the video, they want to hear how surprised and excited he was… I’m just so hurt that he reacted so poorly. Every guy friend I have was so jealous that he was getting such a fantastic surprise and it really hurts my feelings the way he reacted because I worked really hard to make it a special surprise. (On a side note, don’t be a jerk when your SO proposes, it would be really hurtful).
I woke up early this morning and took him to the airport and told him I loved him and kissed him goodbye and said I would see him when I picked him up. I am so disappointed and I’m just not sure what to do. Any other bees deal with a similar situation or have any advice? What would you do?