(Closed) surprise guests at reception, already wed

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it sounds interesting, but I’m not sure how your guests will feel.  They’re coming, expecting to be a part of your ceremony, but instead you’ll shock them with a video of it instead.  I know that a wedding is about you and your fiance, but I’m not sure that surprising your guest this way is fair to them…

Post # 4
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve heard of couples having a surprise wedding–where guests show and it’s like “Welcome to our wedding!” But as a guest I wouldn’t like it if I showed up to the ceremony and was shown a video. If you wanna go elope call it a reception, but don’t tell guests they’re witnessing the ceremony and then give them just a video. That leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Post # 5
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with the others.  Your plan sounds awesome, except for the fact that your guests think they are going to your ceremony.  I would just send out the invites for your reception and spread the word that you will be eloping beforehand.  You can still show the video and everything, it’s just that you won’t be setting your guests up for a disappointment.

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If I were attending a birthday party and saw a video of a wedding ceremony that would be an awesome surprise. If I were attending a wedding and saw a video of the wedding ceremony… I would be pretty upset.

Post # 7
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I do not like a bait and switch. You would be actively lying to your guests by inviting them to an event you know isn’t what they will get.

I would be very upset as a guest to spend my time and effort to going to a wedding only to be disappointed. It also seems a bit gift grabby. Like you are tricking your guests into a better gift.

Post # 8
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would be annoyed and think it was kind of silly.

Post # 10
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@brittanysue1234: Trust me, I felt the same way.  I wanted a private, destination wedding so badly.  Unfortunately many of our guests would be unable to attend if we did that, and for Darling Husband, having family there meant everything.

At the end of the day, please, please do what makes you are your fiance happy.  Even after our wedding is over and we had a great time, I still wish we would have had our private ceremony.  All I wanted to do was make everyone else happy, and that does come at a cost. 

My advice – – have your private wedding, and invite everyone to a reception later.  One of my clients did this, and all worked out well for them. Just be honest with your guests about it.

Good luck girlie!

Post # 11
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

my first reaction is that you are going to end up with some very upset guests.  the wedding is supposed to be about you and your fiance, but trust me, that wont keep people from having nasty opinions and since the shock will be at your receptoin, so will their nasty attituded/comments/anger.

my husband and i got married prior to the wedding and didnt tell anyone (except me and my big mounth told my best friend and my mommy)  when we told my dad the night before our wedding, he was pissed because he thought my mom woudl be so hurt that she didnt get to witness “the real thing” and didnt get to “share that moment” with me. then i told him my mom alrady knew, and he was fine with it.

one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man reacted the same way – she was sad she did get to stand for my “real wedding”

we didnt tell a single person in his family becuase they woudl have been PISSED!  why spend all the money on a wedding if we were just going to elope?  why couldnt they have witnessed the “real” one? they would have been so pissed, disapponted, and hurt that we chose to do it without them.

 

i think if you choose to do this, you need to give your guests a heads up – dont spring it on them that day, which could so easily turn into disaster.

Post # 12
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yeah, I don’t know about this one…it just seems iffy.  It’s like you’re trying to eat your cake and have it too:  Eloping, but still getting to have the regular wedding.  I don’t think the guests would like it too much to show up expecting a wedding, but getting a video…maybe if you sent an announcement that said, “We eloped, come share the joy with us” or something like that…basically giving them a headsup, it would go over much better.

Post # 13
Member
204 posts
Helper bee

If you’re down about the wedding you’re planning, I’d say go for it – switch it up, get married where you want to, and then come back and celebrate with everyone at a fun reception.  As long as everyone’s on the same page about what they’re being invited to (a reception rather than a wedding), I don’t see a problem with that at all. 

Post # 14
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I dont think its a good idea to invite guests for the ceremony just to watch a video and not actually witness the ceremony. However, you can have a reception and play the video there?

Post # 15
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@brittanysue1234: I guess I could go forward with my plan but send out invitations to the reception rather than allowing guests to think that they are attending a wedding.

Do this. You’ll have the wedding that feels right to you, you won’t have to mislead anyone, and you can still show the video at the big reception so your guests don’t feel like they missed out as much.

Post # 16
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You also could do it Jim-and-Pam style, and have the private ceremony you want, as well as a public ceremony… just make sure your officiant is okay with it.

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