(Closed) Surprise Honeymoon – When to tell him?!

posted 4 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 2
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t like finding out I’m leaving for a month 2 days before my flight. I would give him a bigger heads up than that. 

My tip is to pick the places you want to visit and stay for as long periods there. I know a lot of people who Just spent a day here or there. To really explore stay longer. 

I love Lucerne, Amsterdam, Copenhagen and Paris.

I’ve never been to Spain or Italy but that’s our 2019 plan.

Post # 3
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I don’t mean to ruin your fun, but I’m not sure this is a good thing to do as a surprise. A month long trip is a huge thing to plan for, and if someone sprung that on me 2 days in advance, I would be totally stressed out. Planning a trip together in advance is half the fun of going on vacation. Can you surprise him with it maybe 6 months in advance, like give him the plane tickets as a surprise, and then let him participate in the rest of the planning with you, so he can adequately prepare for being out-of-town for an entire month.

Post # 4
1727 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
perri :  What an awesome surprise! I have a few concerns about waiting until 3 days before you leave:

  1. Will that give him enough time to pack all his stuff/make sure he has everything/shop for stuff he doesn’t have?
  2. What about the itenerary? Do you know all the places that are on his *must* see list for Europe?
  3. Something as big as long as 1 month in Europe: don’t you think he’ll be concerned if he tries to take a vacation day, then oops, you have none left because your fiancee just took a month off on your behalf?

Sorry, I don’t want to be a downer, I just think I’d want to tell hime sooner than 3 days out. Even my DH who is very relaxed and chill would be totally stressing out with only 3 days to pack. We went to Canada the day after our wedding. We were packing the entire week before and I still had to run to the store a couple of times the day we left to get things we forgot.

Post # 5
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Does your partner want a surprise honeymoon? Especially a month long one?

Personally I would hate a month long honeymoon as a surprise. Firstly I wouldn’t want my partner going without for so long and not telling me to get me something so big. Secondly, I wouldn’t appreciate them approaching my manger for leave and I’m in charge of my own calendar at work so there is nothing stopping me putting dates in my diary if I don’t know I’m on leave. If I didn’t know I was travelling half way around the world I would also be tempted to put meetings in soon after arriving back, whereas if I knew I wa stravelling such a distance I’d delay those to ensure I’d missed jet lag. Finally I’d hate to have to buy new clothes with no clue of where I was going, no idea how long I was picking for and if I need stuff that’s easily washable because we’re restricted on luggage.

However, if your partner genuinely won’t mind a surprise honeymoon I would suggest either the week before the wedding so they have time to get stuff together or the day after the wedding but be prepared to go shopping if they feel more stuff for the honeymoon. I think in the wedding day itself has the potential to be very overwhelming.

Post # 6
65 posts
Worker bee

I surprised my fiance with a trip for our engagement! Honestly, it is a huge deal, if you can wait I would do the trip a least week or two after the wedding, that way you can tell him after you are married (day after), and he can have a bit of time to focus on the trip.

I LOVE traveling and if my fiance wanted to surprise me and he told me about it during our wedding, I wouldn’t focus on the wedding anymore, I would want to leave asap to make travel plans.

Post # 7
723 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
perri :  I vote for telling him at the wedding, sounds like a fun surprise!  If you have everything planned, his leave off work sorted etc then I don’t see what there is for him to be stressed about.

I don’t think a holiday really needs much mental preparation and i’m surprised so many people think it takes so long to pack for a holiday!

Post # 8
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sounds  like an awesome surprise . I personally would do it at the wedding. How are you going to keep it in though? I would be bursting at the seams. 

Post # 9
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I agree with PP’s, if my SO surprised me with a month long trip that would be awesome, but 2 days out – hell no. My IBS would be insane, my stress levels would hit the roof (as I am someone who packs weeks before a trip) there would be some element of my may not allow time for (do I have time to go to the docotors to get fresh medication etc). Whilst it’s a great idea I would freak out if I was given 2 days notice.


As other’s have also said, the planning is half the excitement for me too.

Post # 10
3090 posts
Sugar bee

I would hate a surprise like this.  Planning such a trip is half the fun, you want to give your Fiance plenty of time to pack and think about what he needs to do before traveling for such a long trip, etc.  plus, I think a honeymoon is definitely a trip you should plan together. 

plus, I would be FURIOUS if someone (even my spouse) contacted my boss to arrange for vacation time.  At my place of work, it would probably be seen as unprofessional, too.  Can he afford to take a month off, right now? (I mean professionally, not financially.  Will it set back any projects, interfere with deadlines/release cycles? Has he been trying to get pro outed?)

surprise trips are a thing for children.  You don’t plan and surprise a grownup with a trip like this. 

Post # 11
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would be pretty miffed if my husband went behind my back to plan a month leave with my boss.

You have great intentions but this is a huge surprise with many variables and factors. Maybe there are places he want to see and would appreciate some input. You shouldn’t surprise him at the wedding. Maybe surprise him over a special dinner one night so you can plan it together.

Edit- if you are really keen on surprising him you can tell him that you want one week to plan alone to do something perfect for him. He likes football? Get tickets to a game and book a really nice hotel. He likes wine? Book a week long wine tour in France. That sounds like a nice compromise for the surprise you want without blindsiding him at the last minute.

Post # 12
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have to agree with what everyone else said about telling him sooner. You obviously know his personality better than anyone here, but springing a month long trip on someone with no advance notice seems risky. I could see doing a week long trip and not telling him until right before you leave..but an entire month? I wish my job had the freedom that allowed me to leave for an entire month without any preparation on my part. 

Post # 13
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I also think this sounds stressful for him, and really don’t think you should be dealing with his boss for leave approval.  Most good managers will not be prepared to let an employee’s spouse book time off work for them, and even if his boss agrees it doesn’t sound wise — does his boss know every detail of everything he’s working on?

 What you could do, if you’re really keen on surprising him, is let him know pretty soon that you’re booking a month-long honeymoon but want the destination to be a surprise to him.  Then a couple days before you go, you could let him know where you’re going.  The only problem with this is that if you’re planning to visit Europe in February/March it will be COLD in many places, and given that you’re coming from Australia he may not have sufficient warm clothes to pack! 

Weather-wise, you might enjoy travel in Europe more if you go a little later.  April is quite lovely in many places.  

Post # 14
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

To put it bluntly this would piss me off. I love traveling but do not care for surprises, especially not one as major as this. I would not at all appreciate FI going to my boss to arrange this without my knowledge and three days notice for a month long trip is rubbish imho. However, you know him better than any of us so if you truly feel he would like this then I’d tell him privately the night of the wedding. Although I strongly suggest you let him know at least a couple months in advance.

Post # 15
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yep, I’m going to agree with basically everyone else.   This sounds like a terrible surprise.  I would want to know about the trip, and help plan it.  Planning is half the fun!  Also, the logistics sound horrible.  I would not want my DH contacting my boss about my time off.  And I would need more heads up to get things in a good place for me to leave that long for work.  Also packing for a trip like that is going to take a lot of planning.  He may even need to purchase some items for it, and if you only give him a couple days, he doesn’t have time to do that.

I know your heart is in the right place, but this really does not sound like a good idea to me.

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