(Closed) Surprise Honeymoon – When to tell him?!

posted 4 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 17
Member
4778 posts
Honey bee

Ditto every one else.  A surprise long weekend to a B&B is one thing and maybe arranging a Friday off, but an entire month?  I’ll assume your husband is not actually responsible  for anything and has a very routine, repetitive job that can be easily replaced because that wouldn’t fly at my job. I once took a month off and while my immediate supervisor and director were very supportive and I had more than enough leave accrued to cover it, HR chewed them out after the fact.  I’m the only one who does my job and I spent two weeks beforehand teaching people how to cover some of my tasks and while I’m friends with my supervisor and  they’d be very receptive to helping out, they also can’t guarantee projects won’t come up between now and then.  Also, going to my boss behind my back, regardless of intentions smacks of helicopter parenting. Is there such a thing as helicopter spousing?

Leave the destination a surprise if you want,  but not the actual rerouting of their work life.  Give him enough notice to do that himself. 

Eta:  you updated as I posted.  I don’t care what industry or how small your town, I still say managing your spouses work affairs is still rude and makes you seem more like his mommy than partner.  My work life is my own to manage – getting married doesn’t make my entire life open to my partner to do with as he pleases. 

Post # 19
Member
5056 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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perri :  

It’s not that it’s negativity, it’s just that it’s not for us. I hate change and I’m a nervous traveler and such and my anxiety is heightened over the thought of this happening to me.

It’s because I would be sick to my stomach about it, but it doesn’t mean he won’t love it.

They are opinions based on how WE would react, not to just be negative and rain on your parade.

Post # 20
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

I love surprises and would love a surprise trip, but I would need more than a few days notice for a month trip. I think maybe you should tell him at least a couple weeks before the wedding. Also, a lot of people ask before and at your wedding what your honeymoon plans are and I would hate for the surprise to be spoiled!

Post # 21
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

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perri :  You’re being a bit dramatic. We offered opinions based on the information provided. You then gave quite a bit of detail on the second page that would have been helpful in the OP. My original opinion stands but its merely that, I don’t have to go on this trip and I did specifically state that you know this person better than internet strangers. I also wouldn’t take out a loan for a honeymoon but your life, your decision. Good luck

Post # 22
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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perri :  I can’t believe the reactions you’re getting and the amount of people who would “hate” a surprise month away!

You’re plan sounds great and perfect for you two!

 

Post # 23
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

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perri :  Also, thought I would add… I actually think it is a sweet gesture to take the time off and such. If this is something you know he won’t feel overstepped by, I see no issue with it. Honestly, for a surprise trip, I would think it was sweet if DH took the time to speak to my boss about me taking time off.

Also, as far as sugestions go, for England I loved the little town of Salisbury! It was a nice town with shopping, a beautiful Cathedral with some awesome history, and there are busses that go to Stonehenge too! I also really liked the Cotswolds. DH and I enjoy literature, so we particularly enjoyed exploring the birthplace of Shakespeare and walking through his childhood home!

Post # 24
Member
5056 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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whnlz :  

I’m one of those people that would hate that surprise, I would be a complete nervous wreck.

My fiance knows me and would never do that, just like op knows her fiance and knows he would love it.

Post # 25
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Lol I guess I’m an outsider cause if someone organized a surprise month long European vacay for me and informed me this morning that we leave tonight I would be PUMPED!!!! But I am not the type that cares to plan things out in great detail, or would have packed a single item before the day of departure anyway lol.

Whether this is a good idea or not just depends on the type of dude your Fiance is! Which obviously, you should have a pretty good idea of since you’re about to marry him. 

Enjoy it bee!!! Don’t let the Debbie Downers get ya down 🙂

Post # 26
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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Sansa85 :  I just never realised surprising someone with a holiday was so controversial! 

Post # 27
Member
5056 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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whnlz :  

It doesn’t seem like it would be, but people are complex! 

Post # 29
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

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perri :  I don’t think anyone ripped you a new one.  Everyone was being honest, and you left out a lot of important information in your first post, which you did clarify (the work issue being the big one).  I think you also have to realize the vast majority of Bees responding are American or Canadian.  In the US (where I am from) it seems our work culture is vastly different than the rest of the world.  We have crappy maternity leave and very little vacation time compared to other developed countries and this just wouldn’t fly with most of our bosses.

But it sounds like something your guy would like.  I would still give a lot more than a couple of days as I think planning is half the fun.  Your heart is in the right place but unless he lets you plan everything you do, I would get him more involved.  This is speaking from someone that is a planner and likes to plan so I would be hurt if I didn’t have a say in my own honeymoon.

Edit – I’m close with my parents but I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking a loan from them to pay for my vacation.

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