(Closed) Surprise Honeymoon – When to tell him?!

posted 4 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 31
Member
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think you should keep it a surprise, only because a Honeymoon is supposed to be about both of you – if you plan the whole thing then he gets no say. What if he has no interest in Spain but really wants to see Croatia? What if he has a friend who lives in Germany and he’d love to stop in for a day on a layover and see them? I just don’t think you should be dictating everything when this trip is to celebrate both of you.

Post # 32
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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perri :  if the surprise honeymoon works for you two, great. Forgetting the surprise honeymoon though, I would definitely be pissed that my partner took a loan out from their parents and didn’t think to tell me. Regardless of who mostly managed the money. When he asks how you’ve been able to afford this surprise honeymoon, is he going to be happy when you say you took out a loan from your parents or is he going to be pissed that you didn’t discuss a big financial decision with him?

Could you let him know that you’re taking out the loan for a honeymoon and leave the rest as a surprise? Also if surprises are a big thing for both of you, how do you know he’s not planning a surprise honeymoon for you?

Post # 33
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be be pissed if my partner took out a loan without telling me telling me, especially for a vacation. 

That’s an about the only thing I see that could be problematic. A surprise vacation isn’t for me as I’m a planner, but if it’s something your SO would like than go for it.

Post # 34
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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perri :  My Fiance was overworked for months. So I decided to surprise him with a trip to Mexico. I was going to give it to him as his Christmas present. But I blew the surprise when we were in a fight about how I don’t understand the demands he’s under at work *cue eye roll*

So I blurted it out. And then he got mad. How could he take all of that time off work (was his biggest argument)? (It was for a week). And I had gotten it approved by his boss to.

It took a few hours for him to cool down, and then he started getting excited. But I will never surprise him with a vacation again. Maybe just a day trip instead.

Some people love suprises. People like my Fiance (and my Dad for that matter) don’t appreciate these kinds of surprises. I would give your Fiance a heads up. But also, he might want some say in the itinerary. Can you buy the plane tickets and surprise him with those? That way you two could have fun filling in the rest.

Post # 35
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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perri :  Hold up. I just read an update.

You’re taking a loan out from your parents to pay for this?

No. Do not plan this trip. I would be hella pissed if I found out my partner took out a loan that I was expected to help pay back without consulting me. And then just the fact it’s a loan for fun money. No no no no.

No.

Post # 36
Member
6299 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think surprising him with it is fine, but I think he needs way more than a day or two notice. I would at least want a couple of weeks. I can’t imagine leaving for a month vacation and only having a couple of days to prepare.

Post # 37
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

While this is a sweet idea in theory, it is not going to work out very well as planned. A day or 2 after the wedding is not enough time for him to get himself together. If this was just a weekend trip it would be no big deal. He will be away for a full month. So, you have to handle EVERY detail including packing a month’s worth of items, his passport, and anything he may need. I do think the whole talking to his boss to get leave approved without him is a little odd, too. So, I would recommend at least pushing the trip out for like 2 weeks or so after the wedding if your set on surprising him. Otherwise, you could maybe act like your honeymooning somewhere else (in whatever country you are in) and tell him that it is all planned. This way, he will be aware, won’t have anxiety, and can prepare somewhat. Then at the reception/end of the night, you could tell him that you’re actually going to Europe.

Post # 38
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

I’m surprised at the flack you’re getting. You know your fi, if you think he’ll be up for it, hooray!

I actually think that at the wedding would be amazing, between the ceremony and reception. Could you take 10 minutes out to present him with tickets?

Austria is awesome. And I live in the UK so I recommend coming here too!

Post # 39
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

My fiancé would die if I borrowed money from my parents so we could go on a trip. Finances are very personal, but please do not go into debt for this without running it by him. 

Post # 40
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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bebelicious1 :  he has two days to pack, why would she need to do iit for him?

Post # 41
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

Yeah, I agree with some posters – there is no way I could ever take off that much time from work unless he is self employed or part time or in school or not working. And for the last two or three of those, I’d be wondering if it’s affordable.

I don’t think it’s a terrible idea! I would LOVE a month in Europe, surprise or not.

My input is:

– You should tell him you have a surprise idea and you can do all the planning, but that it would be a month. THAT much he needs to know in case it’s not feasible.

– Look at the finances. REALLY look. A month of not working, any petcare, travel expenses, accommodations, food, spending, travel within Europe, etc, and definitely round UP for EVERYTHING, plus extra just in case something happens. Get input from others (as you are doing), do research, and just general advice about traveling abroad from people you know.

Don’t go into debt over this! A lot of people value memories over possessions so I think it’s a really great idea, but not if all of the expenses put you guys in a stressful position.

Post # 42
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Can you compromise- tell him to book a month’s leave off of work and surprise him with the location at the wedding? Personally I’d want to be able to manage my own work schedule and be aware to let whoever would be covering me know what important things might be coming up, etc. 

Post # 43
Member
723 posts
Busy bee

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wildflower3 :  OP has already clarified that they get 6 weeks paid holiday so they wouldn’t be ‘out of work’ for a month in that sense.

Post # 44
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

 I’m going to address the fact that you are borrowing money from your parents without his knowledge.  I do understand that you handle the finances but that would not be okay with me if my husband of 45 years did it without my input.  Do you borrow money from your parents regularly?  Next, if surprises are what you do all the time, how do you know that he isn’t also planning the  honeymoon?  It is traditional for the groom to arrange and plan that while the bride is planning the wedding.  While surprises are wonderful in a marriage, they should be limited to things that do not have a signifcant impact.

Post # 45
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I, personally, could not handle learning about a full month away from home and work a few days before it happened.  Also, if I were going on such an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime trip I’d like to at least have a say in planning. My husband and I each have different places we’d like to see and experience wherever we go.

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