(Closed) Surprise Honeymoon – When to tell him?!

posted 4 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 46
540 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s a great plan! My only suggestion would to give a bit more notice to your husband to be

Post # 47
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Omg guys, SHE’S NOT ASKING WHETHER YOU PERSONALLY WOULD LIKE A SURPRISE HONEYMOON! I think between ceremony and reception, or maybe after the reception actually. You go back to the hotel and just when he thinks the excitement of everything is winding down you tell him he has something else exciting coming up! That way during the whole wedding he’ll focus on the wedding, and afterwards you’ll keep the excitement going. 

Post # 48
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think it’s a romantic idea but stupid in reality. life isn’t a romcom. tell him now 

Post # 49
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Wait, you want to plan a MONTH long trip that he has no say in, force him to take a month off of work with no notice, AND unilaterally decide to put the two of you in debt in order to do this? Is that right? There is never a good time to tell him this because it is an awful idea. Regardless of what my boss said, if my DH presumed that I could walk away from work without making any preparations, I would be livid. Likewise on the debt that I would be forced to help repay. No, no, and no.

Post # 50
6216 posts
Bee Keeper

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perri :  fwiw, I hate surprises but I would love this (with extra time to pack). Yay! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 51
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

(Btw you’re not from the NT are you??)

Post # 53
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

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perri :  I think you’re going about it all wrong. Why would you come to Europe in February/March when the weather sucks? May has been lovely for the most part ๐Ÿ˜‰

Personally I wouldn’t like a surprise like this but I did plan a smaller one for my FI’s birthday last year. We both booked a Friday off work, then I arranged with his HR department for him to also have the Monday off. It wasn’t until we were pulling into the airport that I suggested dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe.. in Paris. I don’t think he quite believed me until we got on a plane, even when I pulled the suitcases out of the car!

I’d be tempted to push the honeymoon back slightly for a few reasons;

1) you can surprise him with it at the wedding, but he gets more time to be excited and look things up – it’s easier to look things up at home than it is when you’re out there

2) he might want the opportunity to save a bit of cash to spend

3) the weather is never guaranteed, but you have better chances a bit later in spring

I’d make a comment about shopping, but my sister spent a year in Australia and your winter clothes and our winter clothes are two very different things :p

Depending on what you choose to do about wedding gifts, perhaps you could say that you’re saving for a big trip to Europe “next year” if people were willing to contribute? That way your Fiance knows it’s definitely going to happen, he just doesn’t realise it’ll happen so soon!

Post # 55
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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perri :  good luck! The internet is so weird, eh? I hope some of these comments haven’t gotten you down too much. If you know your Fiance and think it’s a great idea that’s awesome! 

I would love any trip to Europe! Planned or unplanned surprise or not :)! 

Post # 56
6 posts
  • Wedding: July 2018


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perri :  The surprise is definitely a good idea and anytime you reckon you want to tell him would be perfect.Don’t worry about the feedback you got,the boards are full of opinionated people who always think they know better than the OP but telling you whether this is a good idea or not was not the question you asked.You asked about when it was a good time to let him know and you got a lot of unsolicited advice but just listen to the ones that answered your question.As for how you pay for the holiday or why you are doing it this way is none of our business because you know your situation and you do not have to explain to people why you do things because people are different.Everyone is telling you how they feel about being surprised but that was not your question so don’t stress.I find the idea lovely and if my partner surprised me this way,booking annual leave for me i would feel so special and love it.Do what makes you happy because you cannot please everyone.All the best with your planning.P.S,quite excited to see a fellow Aussie bee ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Post # 57
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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perri :  When I first read your post I was all “aw HELL no, woman!”  But with the added detail you provided I think this will be awesome for you guys. My main objection was the lack of his input in planning, but if you have a week at least to sort that out together it’s fine. Plus you can keep asking him “hypothetical” questions about your possible European trip now, and get some ideas about where he would most like to go!

As for when to tell him, I vote the morning after the wedding. But only on the condition that not too many other people know about this surprise, otherwise it’ll almost certainly be ruined. Assuming nobody will spoil it, I think it’d be amazing to have the whole excitement of the wedding, go to bed exhausted, and then wake up and tell him this huge, awesome thing. I would probably wrap the tickets in a box and say I have a wedding gift for him. But if too many people know about it then I’d tell him before the wedding.

I think you should try to push the departure date as far back from the wedding/into March as possible, though, because of weather and because of travel within Europe. Trains and flights tend to be much cheaper if you purchase them more than 7 days in advance, so you’ll be much better off arranging European transport (at least the major journeys) before you reach London.

Please come back and update us on how it goes!

Post # 58
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

Holy shit you all can get off your high horses any time.ย 

#1 Even if you are the only person at your work who does your job exactly, unless you’re a god damn surgeon it can go on hold. Whatever you do is not life or death. Just screwed up American culture. You will be very well served to remember that. Even within the US if you aren’t in the truly corporate “Office Space” realm, PLENTY of industries have slow times where a month off with lots of advance notice would not be an issue at all for either productivity or your career. But Jesus Christ what ladder are you climbing that makes it impossible for your supervisor to know that you have a life outside of work or to go on a once in a lifetime trip? Why do you want to be on that ladder? Why are you judging people who aren’t? Why are you assuming that work culture is the same in every country that speaks English?

#2 Interest free loan from parents is not exactly “going into debt for a honeymoon”. And how many people on this board take out bank loans or loans from their parents to finance the wedding day? OP can likely pay it back at a super comfortable rate and stop paying if things ever get tight. I didn’t and wouldn’t bat an eye at that. I think it’s a great way to get the dream trip they’ve discussed at a time that makes sense. What’s the difference between paying back an interest free loan and saving money for the trip? Timing. That’s all.ย 

#3 They’ve been together 8 years, talked about this exact trip, and it sounds like a sure thing. Who are all of you to doubt that? Who are you to call her childish? Just because this wouldn’t work in your life doesn’t mean it won’t work in hers. Lay off.ย 

OP – I would bump the trip a week-ish like you’ve said you will to give him some breathing room. And I think I’d tell him right before the reception! That way all that excitement can carry through the party! At breakfast the next morning would be my second choice.ย 

My only concern is trying to plan those middle two weeks while visiting friends. I’m sure you will, but make sure you do lots of research ahead of time so you can do it a little more quickly/with less stress. I highly recommend TripAdvisor.com to help decide what to do once you decide on particular cities. And make sure you make note of a few must-sees for yourself so it doesn’t accidentally turn all about him!


Good luck! This sounds awesome!

Post # 59
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it sounds awesome, but agree with a bit more notice, maybe a week or two?

Also, I’m in Australia too, but we only get 4 weeks annual leave per year in Vic… Jealous!

Post # 60
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

There are so many nay-sayers on this thread! I am surprised! Bees saying they would be “pissed” and “angry” if their spouse planned a long romantic month long holiday to Europe? Really?


OP I think what you are doing is thoughtful and incredibly romantic! Life is so short! No one is going to be on their death bed going “I wish my husband didn’t make me go to Europe..I wish I worked more, gosh what did my boss think of me!” 

Not everyone is a “planner”. Not everyone takes joy from planning their trips. My Fiance certainly isn’t one! He hates planning! And that’s ok. We are the type of couple to pack the morning of or the day before the flight so I may be bias! It works for us!!

OP sounds like she knows her Fiance well (certainly better than any of us) and I’m sure she would not do this otherwise. 

If it were me OP I would get the wedding out of the way and tell him a day or two after. Then I would set the departure date to maybe 1-2 weeks after the wedding. Post wedding blues are real on both sides. This way he will get the nerves of the wedding out and then have something new to look forward to. And the in those 2 weeks he can build his excitement and anticipation! 


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