(Closed) Surprise or No Surprise… That is the question!

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It can work so long as you are okay with buying gender neutral items during your pregnancy, decorating the nursery in a gender neutral style, and getting a lot of gender neutral items at your shower.  Here’s the secret, babies don’t really know if they are a boy or girl so they don’t care if they wear yellow duckies for their first few months or year.

I will say that some the cutest stuff is gender specific, princess pink dresses and football/baseball jerseys, but you always add gender specific items after you have the baby.  You could also hold your shower after the baby’s birth so that everyone can see the baby and you could get gender specific items; an added bonus of this is that you could actually get the items that you weren’t able to buy before the baby is born.

That said, since we only plan to do it once, we really want to know the sex so we can go all out for a girl or a boy.

Post # 4
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not TTC yet, but will be soon. I’m absolutely certain that I want to be Team Green because I agree with what you said about it being one of the few true surprises in life. I want my Darling Husband to announce “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” and be surprised when the baby comes out. That said, one of my co-workers just had a baby, and she found out the sex at around 20-ish weeks. She said she was just as surprised at 20 weeks as she would have been at 40. Fair enough! 

Post # 5
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you know you’re going to have 2 or more kids….I would go the “not wanting to know” route.


Because you could re-use a car seat or pack-n-play or high chair down the road….but if you get items that are too girly for child #1 and the second one is a boy, then you’re kinda stuck.


**Or you could still just find out the gender and opt to purchase reusable products that are gender-neutral.  I guess that would work too.  

Post # 6
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I can’t give personal insight (sorry lol). I know that my parents didn’t know my gender till I was born, I think nurses and weren’t allowed to tell back then (?). They would have liked to know though.

A uni friend of mine got pregnant and found out the gender ASAP. It was very exciting.


Honestly it’ll be your personal preference. Even if you know the gender before your child is born the reveal is still really a surprise ๐Ÿ™‚ just with a bit more time to get gender specific things (if you want them). I think I’d rather know from the ultrasound ^^

Post # 7
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it’s a wonderful surprise whenever you find out – whether it’s during your pregnancy or when the baby is delivered.

Personally, being sooo type A and such a control freak, I would HAVE to find out. I need to be able to plan accordingly. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 8
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsPhilly:  I am not ready to TTC either, but I have given this quite a bit of thought myself lol.

I always figured that I’d find out the sex of the baby, but then I realized that maybe it’s better left as a surprise. Everyone’s situations are different, but here are my reasons for waiting:

-I heard it might make labor more tolerable. Labor/giving birth is an extremely scary concept for me, so I will do anything to make it easier! As you say, one of the true surprises in life.

-I don’t have a lot of friends/family who would put on a baby shower for me, so I’m not really worried about that sorta thing. I am sure there are plenty of gender neutral things people can buy me, if they desire. If I had a huge family maybe I would think differently, though.

-Nursery – I’d be so afraid to jinx the pregnancy/birth that I only plan on setting up the basics before the baby is born. Babies don’t NEED color coordinated stuff, or a whole bunch of pink fluffy toys. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or girl.

-I’m ok with having either sex so it’s not like I will be devastated if I have a boy, and need to bond with the baby and get used to the idea before he/she is born.

-I’ve heard of them messing up the ultrasounds and being told the wrong gender. Not good.

I am an extremely impatient person so we’ll see how this goes lol. I’d like to wait, though.

Post # 9
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m 30 weeks pregnant right now and we chose not to find out. Luckily my Darling Husband is very strong willed because if he were willing to cave, I would find out haha.

I know in my heart that he’s right, and the moment our baby is born and it’s announced “It’s a ….” it will be amazing, but it is easy to get jealous of my friends who know and can buy little frilly dresses, or cute polo shirts.

So far we have lots of gender neutral clothes, my SIL didn’t find out for either of her kids and she passed on her neutral stuff to us, we also registered for neutral “large” items like pack and play, high chair and swing. We are getting our car seat from SIL which is neutral, and we bought a silver/grey stroller so again.. can go either way. I think I would be tempted to get pink or blue large items if we knew what we were having, so that part is better.

I find it more difficult to pick a name not knowing what the gender is, and I think I had some bonding issues early on but those had totally gone away and I feel very close to my baby even if I don’t know the gender.

There are definitely pros and cons to each side!

Post # 10
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I jsut had a baby girl in January, and we waited. It was SO amazing to find out her gender when she was born. I can’t imagine having done anything else. We have a gender neutral nursury and got plenty of clothing,a dn since she was born, we’ve been getting more girl-specific stuff, but one of the ebst things is that the essential, big, expensive pieces can be used again whether we have another girl or have a boy. I honestly fail to see how knowing the gender would’ve helped. Plus, the anticipation and excitement of finding out at the birth spread to our friends and family. Everyone was SO excited.

We had two showers, and both were entirely adorable despite the gender-neutral situation.We had dinosaurs as a theme at one and books at another.

Post # 11
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsPhilly:  I think you are right – it is one of the very few actual surprises in life!  I couldn’t do it my self because I am a type A person who has to have things done way ahead of time or I feel behind.  It wouldnt be too difficult to plan a gender neutral nursery and leave a few things to purchase after she/he is born though!    Clothes would be an issue becuase everyone would buy you white/yello/green stuff.   I am 25 weeks pregnant and have received over 20 different gifts already consisting of  outfits/bows/hats/blankets etc.  I can imagine we will get a lot at the shower too.  The neutral stuff just isnt nearly as cute as the gender specific.


My husband and I waited until 20 weeks to find out the gender.  Around here – everyone runs to the ultrasoundzone and gets an ultrasounds at 15/16 weeks to find out the gender early.  My husband said that this amount of anticipation only comes with a baby and we need to enjoy it.


You could also find out the sex on the first baby and then wait on the second? You dont get a shower for the second anyway so it wouldnt be nearly as difficult.


Post # 12
1572 posts
Bumble bee

We found out the sex and I definitely don’t regret it – unless the ultrasound was wrong and I have been buying all this girl stuff for nothing! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 13
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@MrsB1015:  I am excessively Type A and I did it partly because I am Type A. I wanted to have control over the gendering of my child. I knew if she were a girl and people knew, we’d be flooded with an excessive amount of ugly pink crap despite our best efforts to avoid such things on a registry. We were in control. Plus, it kept us honest with or plans to have gender neutral essentials in case we have another child. Not knowing the gender and my need to control situations were perfectly compatible. Just something for the other Type-A-ers out there to consider.

Post # 14
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I always wanted it to be a surprise.  However, when we got pregnant I did find out- partly because my family wanted to know so much- they are long distance and wanted to send me clothes- so it was hard to say no to that!  It is increasingly difficult to find gender neutral clothing out there, which is too bad.

I heard something in my classes though that made me think waiting to find out might be a benefit.  They say it can be an increased motivation for pushing when the time comes- if you don’t know the gender.  Just something to think about.

Post # 15
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not TTC yet either but Darling Husband and I have agreed to not find out for all of our children. It’s one of the few surprises that you can really have in life and we want to experience it. And it’s a bonus that if you buy gender neutral stuff, you can use it again for subsequent children no matter the gender. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would have to find out. I’m not the type of person who likes surprises anyways. And I would not be able to not know- I would feel like I couldn’t plan. Also my SO says that knowing what the gender is will help him feel apart of the process, as he can start to bond with his daughter/son a bit better, calling them by name, talking to them, and actively seeing them as a person and not just…. a concept. 

I’d also go crazy if I couldn’t plan my nursery. I mean, we’ll co-sleep for a few weeks, but my SO is an artist, and being able to paint a mural and whatever on the babies wall is something I’m looking forward to. And I’m not a fan of neutral tones, I’m a bold color person and I’d have to know which bold colors to use! 

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