(Closed) Surprise proposal vs. Expected proposal

posted 9 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: What was your proposal & your proposal preference?
    Was surprised and wouldn't have ever wanted to know : (55 votes)
    43 %
    Was surprised; however, would have liked to know : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Knew it was coming and wouldn't have had it any other way : (47 votes)
    37 %
    Knew it was coming and now wish it was a surprise : (23 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 17
    822 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    We had discussed marriage but the proposal was a complete surprise – so much so he had to ask 3 times as I kept repeating are you serious, and I was in a daze for the rest of the day!

    He proposed in front of my parents and his parents and he had previously told me he would never tell his mum before hand as she would blab to me so did not see it coming!  

    We were on a boat my dad had just finished building and had named after me, in the middle of the ocean.  Both families laugh about it now, saying it was pretty brave of him as there would have been no-where to go afterwards if I had said no!  Of course he knew 100% that I would say yes tho 🙂

    I loved the surprise and wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Post # 18
    1726 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I feel the same way in that the whole idea of the girl picking out the ring, already planning the wedding, and basically knowing when the proposal is coming is a little… off putting, to me at least. I guess I’m just more traditional than that.

    Thankfully, so is Fiance. He didn’t even want to so much as go ring shopping with me. Never brought it up. He dug around to see what kind of rings I looked at online, and consulted my best friend, then planned everything out all on his own. It was perfect for us. Well actually, I did accidentally find out that a proposal was in the works (really wish that wouldn’t have happened.. as anxious as I was with “waiting,” I did not want to spoil any surprises), but I still had no idea exactly when and what was going to happen, in addition to the ring being a complete surprise. So it did work out the way we both wanted, for the most part.

    Post # 19
    1941 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I was completely surprised. Like I almost smacked him I was so surprised LOL. We’ve had combined finances for a few years, and I handle the money/bills, and “knew” we just didn’t have the money yet. We had even gone ring shopping ‘just for fun’ early in December, with him telling me ‘honey, you know I can’t propose right now, ok’ the whole time. He was very sneaky and I am so glad b/c I normally hate surprises but I wouldn’t have had it any other way!!

    Post # 20
    6065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I always dreamed that I would love to be surprised…but our personal situation just didn’t let it go that way. My Fiance couldn’t find a good job for a while, and we both wanted to wait to get engaged until he did find one and wouldn’t have the anxiety about it over our heads.

    So when he got a job..I knew a proposal was coming. 🙂 And then when he planned this very elaborate extravagant dinner, I just…knew. But it didn’t lessen my excitement at all- One plus was that I dressed nicely and had my makeup and hair done and felt really beautiful- the whole day was fun getting ready for. And we were having such a great time all night at dinner, that the moment he got up after dessert, and kneeled beside me- I was kind of shocked! I don’t know how to explain it.

    Having said that, ideally I would have preferred to be totally surprised. But the way it happened did not in any way diminish the joy and enthusiasm!!!

    Post # 21
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I knew it was coming, we had a date and everything but I didn’t think it would happen for a while.. he surprised me on my trip to Paris so even though I knew we’d be engaged at some point, I’m going to say it was rather surprising!

    Post # 22
    5104 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It was a total surprise.

    Had we talked about marriage? Yes. Did we know we wanted to be with each other and no one else? Yes. And keep in mind we’ve been together for going on 6 years now. He proposed a year ago this month. I never saw myself as “waiting” really. We were together, that was enough. Did I want a ring? Of course! Was it priority number one? Was I going to badger the hell out of him to the point of no return. Absolutely not.

    He gave me his great grandmother’s ring and even asked my parents before he proposed on a spontaneous weekend ski trip we took. I was completely clueless. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I also would have been happy with any ring he chose to give me. As soon as I saw that ring in his hands all I could think was “that is perfect, and it’s mine”. Of course my first words in reality were: “Are your serious?!?!”

    Is that really as corny as it sounds when I re-read it?

    Post # 23
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    We picked out the setting together and I told him it was up to him to choose the center stone so I knew it was coming at some point.  He told me it would be around February and then proposed on New Year’s Eve so I was very surprised!

    Post # 24
    10285 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I knew exactly when he was going to propose but I wasn’t supposed to. Basically, we chose the ring together but it was very important to Fiance that he plan the proposal and it be a surprise. My Future Mother-In-Law ruined that when she and Fiance were talking on the phone one day (it was on speaker) and she mentioned something about it. Fiance tried to get her to shut up but she evidently didn’t get the memo. He was seriously pissed for a few days and I told him that if he wanted to hold off on proposing to plan something else that I would understand. At that point he had already had the ring for a few weeks and he just wanted it to be official. He ended up following through with the original plans which really were perfect. He was definitely still bummed though. He planned this special night and his mother ruined it (though, even to this day, she doesn’t know that).

    In our situation, even if the proposal would have been a surprise to me, I still would have known it was coming eventually since I picked out the ring. That, I would never change. I absolutely loved being involved in the selection of my ring. To be honest, I think it was probably some of the most fun Fiance and I have ever had together and it’s an experience that we’ll never forget. With that said, would I have liked the actual proposal to have been a surprise? I guess so just so I could have had that “OH MY GOD!” moment but I’m happy with how ours turned out. 

    Post # 25
    572 posts
    Busy bee

    We looked at rings months before, narrowed down my top choices, so I was surprised with the ring selection. He tried to surprise me but I caught on.

    My proposal was wonderful. He invited all of the special couples in our life to be there and not only did I get a proposal; I was able to share the moment with all of our friends.

    He told me right from the beginning of our relationship that he meant to marry me.

    He is a keeper!!!

    @Liss – I laughted the entire time. LOL

    Post # 26
    645 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I was hoping he would propose soon (it was mid-November, and I thought he *might* around the holidays) but I was caught completely off guard! Especially because he did it at home, when we were preparing dinner. I absolutely loved the surprise, and I am glad I didn’t know exactly when it was coming!

    Post # 27
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wasn’t surprised at all. We had been talking about it, as various job/location situations kind of made marriage the next step for us. I’m a control freak and I hated not being in control of such a big part of my future, so once I knew he had started ring shopping & wanted to propose, I asked him a lot when it would happen. He told me it would happen by a certain date, and we had gotten to the last weekend before that date, so really it was a matter of Friday or Saturday.

    I didn’t mind it being this way. I’m sure it would be awesome to be surprised, but this worked better for me! And I still got a bit of the surprise element when he confessed he’d started ring shopping!

    Post # 28
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

     I dont want to sound closed minded but I truly believe it has to come as a complete surprise out of the blue, and after knowledge that both partners are on the same page (marriage in the future, going to be together forever .. ) but no real wedding/marriage plans are discussed, personally I’m not even big on discussing ring plans. 

    I know a lot of gals have rings picked out or want custom ones or something specific, in a perfect world IMO I’d want to be surprised with something I love and it would come totally unexpectedly. 


    Maybe it’s because I’m just such a control freak when it comes to just about everything in my life that it’s one of the things that I’d love not to have to handle. 

    Post # 29
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I sent him a picture of the ring style I wanted, but he gave me no indication of when the proposal would happen.  I didn’t want to know though because I wanted part of it to be a surprise (I love surprises).  

    Post # 30
    7693 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Other? I knew it was coming because of the way he was acting but its not like we picked out rings or had a timeline or anything. In fact, just a few months before we got engaged Darling Husband Told me that he would probably propose in about 1.5-2 years which I was totally fine with! But then he started doing things that clued me in and I figured it out. I was still surprised but I also knew it was coming. I would have loved to have been completely surprised (like Miss Candy Apple) but Darling Husband is terrible at keeping secrets!!

    Post # 31
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    My then-fiance surprised me at my birthday dinner in front of many of my friends.  It was perfect and I’m glad my friends were there to witness the proposal.  He even spoke to my Dad prior to the proposal and picked an amazing ring all by himself without any hints from me.  I wanted a surprise propoal and I got an amazing one!

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