(Closed) Surprise Shower. (Vent – Long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I guess, where I am slightly confused, is if your aunt doesn’t want to be at the other show due to your mother, how is she going to attend your wedding? Is she going to RSVP and say she is throwing you another wedding because she doesn’t want to be around your mom?

I don’t think so.

Is there anyway you can call and tell her “Hey, this is the shower I am having. I don’t want another one. Therefore, I won’t be there if you throw one for me?” I know that seems a little (or a lot) passive aggressive, but your aunt is  being a crazy woman. It is extremely rude for her to invite people who aren’t even invited to the wedding to your shower.

Post # 6
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

It is rude of her, but I doubt anyone will blame you. If you’re not up to denying the 2nd shower, then there’s not much you can do about it, except call/write the other memebers of that side of the family and let them know you’d really like them at your planned shower, no matter what your aunt said.

I also don’t think you should be upset about the shorter guest list and leftover stuff…that’s not your fault. It seems strange that so many details were put in place before the RSVPs came.

Post # 7
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

As PP said…I would just decline and say if you want to come to the shower we’re having great otherwise I’ll see you at the wedding. This sounds like a huge power/control issue with your stepmom and she just needs to suck it up or not come at all…and leave the rest of your family out of it.

Post # 9
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Btw my comments are coming from a place of experience. My ex was abusive and is now remarried. We have 3 children together and there are times when we have to all be somewhere at the same time. Do I like it? No! But I suck it up for my children’s sake…just as long as I don’t have to be near him/speak to him. lol

Post # 10
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What’s the deal with the leftover cake? If the RSVP date just happened, why did your Future Mother-In-Law already order cake and favors if she wasn’t sure how many people were coming?

So, it sounds like maybe 20-24 people were invited from your dad’s side to your Future Mother-In-Law hosted shower, and they are all declining so they can attend your aunt’s shower? Or did your aunt just decline for herself? I am confused by the math.

I think your Fiance was way out of line to get mad at you. Not only was all this done without your knowlege, but what are you supposed to do? Call up your aunt and say, Auntie, you WILL come to my Future Mother-In-Law hosted shower?? And you WILL bring the rest of the troops so we can meet our quota? You can’t force them to do anything. Sure, it’s frustrating that your shower was planned for 30-40 people and now the numbers are much smaller, but you can’t make people attend something.

You COULD decline the second shower in the hopes that the guests will come to the first, but I wouldn’t go that route. It sounds like a lot of people will be going to the second shower that weren’t invited to the first and since you say you don’t feel a part of that side, I think it is nice they are trying to reach out to you. Like you said, they could just ignore that you are getting married altogether.

Post # 11
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Tatum:  I’m with you–I’m confused as well. The point of an RSVP is so that the host knows what to supply.

Anyway. OP, I’m having two showers. I have to. We have too many people to only do one and my Future Mother-In-Law can’t stand my FSMIL, so there’s no way there will only be one shower. Apparently they can play nice at the wedding.

Honestly, just go to the second shower and be gracious. It’s frustrating, I know, but this is how life goes, and you just have to roll with it.

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