(Closed) Surprise! You're my day-of coordinator!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@RegularBeeGoneAnon:  If no one asked you to do this in advance, you can’t feel too bad about it. You can apologize to the bride later, but it’s pro forma. You don’t give someone a list of duties to do on that day without letting them know in advance. If she wasn’t organized enough to firm this stuff up with you in advance, she has to be prepared for stuff to shift on the day. Other people can and will be found to do this — JUST as they would have been if you HAD been contacted, planned to be the DOC, and then were taken sick. It’ll be OK.

Post # 4
9670 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@RegularBeeGoneAnon:  Aw, big hugs!!! No, please don’t feel guilty!  You’re sick and that’s not your fault and beyond your control.  You haven’t done anything wrong and the bride should understand that you didn’t become sick on purpose – it just happened – and sometimes things like this happen.  If you’d been able to be there I’m sure you would have done anything and everything you could to help her.

The bottom line is you’re feeling sick and miserable right now – and you sound like me, a bad patient – I always cry when I get sick and have a total pity party for myself.   Something about viruses seems to mess up my emotions as well as the rest of my body. 

Try to get some rest and not worry about this right now.  Focus on pampering yourself and getting well.  The wedding will go on and be just fine.  Besides, if the bride wanted to you to be the DOC she should have communicated this more clearly to you.  It’s obvious you have gone out of your way to help her all along.  And even if you had understood you were to be the DOC – you got sick!  And you can’t help that.

Take care of yourself, hun!

Post # 5
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like she did a terrible job of communicating her expectations to you because if she had then you sound like the kind of person who would’ve found someone to cover all your bases even while laying sick in bed. I’m sorry she has put you in this situation. I hope she isn’t dumb enough to let it ruin your friendship. I think you should log off and get some sleep and concentrate on feeling better. Getting emotionally upset will only exasperate your physical illness.

Post # 6
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I definitely do not think you should feel guilty, I can’t believe she would expect you to take on so many responsibilities and not even tell you! Were you supposed to be a bridesmaid? I’m a little confused as to why she wouldn’t have listed one of the bridesmaids as the contact anyway. Being a day-of coordinator is something people get paid for, so honestly I think it was a little rude of her to even expect you, as a guest, to take on all those responsibilities, at least without really talking to you about it to make sure you were okay with it and understood what was expected of you. Sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope you feel better! You definitely shouldn’t feel guilty.

Post # 7
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OMG, what a wacky situation! I mean, having just gone through my own wedding, I talked to my bridal party and key players WELL in advance so they knew their tasks and responsibilities. That’s just crazy that she wasn’t clear with you, and almost like she just assumed you would do it, out of the goodness of your heart?? DOCs get paid good money for good reason- it’s stressful and a lot of work!

I think you dodged a bullet today, so be thankful for your upset stomach (although I hope you’re feeling better soon.)

guess what, she’s going to figure it out somehow, because that’s how things roll. Other people will pick up the slack. but make sure you have some closure with this bride later on, and find out why you were left in the dark!

Post # 8
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes, what a mess! But, this is 100% not your fault.

If the bride expected you to do anything besides attend her wedding, she should have made that crystal clear weeks ago. For example, my wedding is in 4 weeks and the person collecting our unity candles after the ceremony already knows he’s doing that. I can’t imagine not telling someone they’re going to act as DOC until the day before. And this is exactly why!

I feel really bad for you that you were put in this position. I hope you feel better soon and that your friend doesn’t take this miscommunication out on you!

Post # 9
46388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why on earth are you taking this on as your responsibility?

If this bride wanted you to assume all of these duties, she should have asked you long before now.

Post # 10
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You poor thing! You shouldn’t feel guilty AT ALL. As pp have said, it’s honestly quite weird that she didn’t discuss this with you beforehand. If she wanted to give you responsibilities because you are her next dearest friend after her BMs, asking you straight out “Will you be my day-of coordinator?” could have turned it into an honor. The way she did it has just turned into a guilt trip!!!

You honestly did absolutely nothing wrong. You can be polite and tell her you’re so sorry you aren’t there (because regardless of coordinating or not, I’m sure you are sorry you’re not there) and that HAD YOU SIMPLY KNOWN you would have delegated all the tasks. At this point, I’d just send her a text and tell her you wish you were there and you know her wedding will be amazing, no matter who coordinates it.

No offense to you/your friend, but this is a little wacky expecting a wedding guest to show up and suddenly be prepared to coordinate!!!

Post # 12
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

the fact you are feeling bad means you’re a great person and friend! Get well soon and don’t worry about a thing!

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