(Closed) Surprised and disappointed at the same time…

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Am I being oversensitive?
    Yes. At least they came. : (8 votes)
    19 %
    No. It's completely inappropriate to go to a wedding empty-handed. You're only asking for a card. : (20 votes)
    47 %
    A little. Not everyone follows the same etiquette codes. What rude to one, is okay to another. : (15 votes)
    35 %
    Other..(I'll explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    people have a year from the wedding to get gfits, remember

    Post # 6
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I totally understand how you feel. We didn’t get cards from my husband’s parents or any of his 3 sisters. I understand that one of his sisters is in college, and another in high school, so I didn’t really expect gifts (although I don’t think it would have killed them to get us something small, they spend a ton of money at Starbucks and Forever 21), but I was really hurt they didn’t even get us a card.  4 months later, and I’m still having a hard time getting over it. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3255 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    That’s rude.

    I don’t care if it’s your second marriage and they got you a gift the first time around, they could still get you a freaking card and wish you well.

    Keep track of what you received from people and keep that in mind when getting gifts for them in the future. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    @Ms.Shamrock:   Sorry to hear that your family hasn’t offered you well-wishes/cards/gifts.  Hopefully, they’ll come around and surprise you in the future!  I don’t know if it helps, but we had about 3 couples from my hubby’s family not show, nor give us a card/gift.  This cost us close to $400 and heartache too. 

    P.S. I love your phrase “pain in the hind pants”.  It made me chuckle.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    @Ms.Shamrock: Did your mom and the rest of your family help out a lot? Neither of our parents gave us a gift or even a card. But I wasn’t put off because my parents paid for the wedding, and his parents catered the wedding. My mom did give me a gift for my shower though, that I consider the wedding gift as well. None of our siblings got gifts/cards either. They were all in the wedding, so I figure their presents were buying the outfits and coming to the wedding (helping clean afterwards, etc).

    Come to think of it, I was dating my husband when his brother got married. I went to their wedding by default, but didn’t give them a gift or a card. My present to them was setting up for the wedding all day and helping to cater the wedding and rehearsal the day before.

    Has your family contributed in any way that they may feel it wasn’t necessary for a gift/card?

    Post # 13
    Member
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t know… I mean I guess I’d be a little disappointed if a lot of people came and didn’t bring cards, but they did come to celebrate with you.  That’s them showing their support and love.

    I mean, my mother and my grandmother didn’t give us cards either now that I think about it.  They contributed to the wedding some, like your mother did, but didn’t bring cards.  I guess I don’t share the same viewpoint as you on bringing cards.  I often give a gift, and no card, but if I’m ever going somplace without a gift, it wouldn’t occur to me to bring just a card.  Although I’ve never gone to a wedding with nothing, so I don’t know how helpful that opinion is!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    etiquette on this i think varies a lot– i’ve never brought a card to a wedding, for example; i always buy a gift off the registry beforehand, and just say congrats to the couple in person. i’m just not a card person. and that’s the etiquette i’ve copied from my parents/family/social circle. to me, i think it’s just a bit odd–why make the bride and groom carry something else around that day? they have enough to worry about, why make them worry about forgetting something else? that said, at our wedding, we had about 150 people, and i think maybe got 20 cards on the day, and most of those had checks in them or came with gifts. my parents and our siblings didn’t give us gifts either, since they contributed to the day in other ways.

    you mentioned you’re an encore bride; did your family give you cards during your last wedding? i could see how you’d be hurt if they treated this wedding differently than before. or if they normally give cards. 

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