(Closed) Surprised at no gifts from certain people

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 47
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@hollywould:  I understand, I was just suggesting that if you knew whether they brought a gift to the first wedding you’d know if they just don’t give gifts at all or decided to specifically come giftless to your wedding.

Post # 48
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@hollywould:  You JUST got married. Guests have up to a year to gift the couple. You’re getting angry about a situation that doesn’t even exist.

If they don’t get you a gift, that would be a bummer. I know I’d be bummed. Who doesn’t like gifts? Also, I don’t think you’re really being gift grabby, if I’m getting the vibe right, it seems that you take them not giving you a gift (or even a card) as some kind of rejection. Personally, that’s how I’d see it. Because at the end of the day, what people do with their own money is their own business. I winced at your “..but they can afford it…” reasoning. That’s not the point. It’s their money. They can do with it as they choose. That they didn’t choose to gift you, or what you may perceive as acceptance of your marriage, can hurt.

So in the end, maybe take a step back, a deep breath, and just let it go.

Post # 49
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you’re jumping the gun maybe. We had people who came to our wedding empty handed but then 4 months later sent a gift. They just didn’t want to haul it with them.

I wouldn’t be jumping the gun if I were you. And, like many people said, they don’t have to bring a gift. Do I think that’s rude? Yeah, but it takes all kinds (even the rude ones) to make the world go around.

Post # 51
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can understand being miffed by not receiving a gift but if your husband is close to his uncle, why doesn’t he just ask him If you all should be expecting anything from them, because you didn’t want to miss anything…and that he hoped they had a great time.

Post # 52
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@hollywould:  Perhaps not – but in those years, he used those gifts and saved the money he would have otherwise spent on those items on something else.  You can take it up with your husband if you are not happy he spent it on beer instead of banking it for your use 30 years later!

Post # 53
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m surprised so many people would be ok with not receiving a gift from a close family member, really, I think most people would actually be a bit hurt if it happened to them. I know I would. Yes there are etiquette rules that no one is obliged to give a gift, but if you can afford to, it seems quite hurtful not to.

Post # 54
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mrsluckywife:  We didn’t receive a gift from DH’s (well-off) brother.  And that’s for a first time wedding for both of us.  You can choose to get mad about it – or you can invite people because you want their presence and not presents and get over it.

People give wedding gifts for differing reasons – some as “quid pro quo” for dinner (pay for your plate), some to start a newly wed couple off right, some because it’s the “right thing to do” (without knowing quite why), some because they wish the couple well…  And, for some of those reason (such as starting the couple off right), a second marriage doesn’t invoke the same gift giving sentiments.  (It’s rather like how some people believe every kid should have a shower – and some think you only shower the mother with the first kid.)

Post # 55
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We had a few guests we didn’t receive gifts from, one being his set of cousins. Who I WAS very offended by because they have 4 small childeren (we don’t have any kids yet) whom we have been to EVERY single bday party and bough presents for AND bought their kids Christmas presents as well even though his family told me not to. The other few guests who did not bring guests we weren’t offended by because we were extremely happy they came and shared our spcial day with us. I will not try to say I wasn’t offended by his cousins though. They DO have the finances to at least give a dang card!

Post # 58
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@hollywould:  “Again, these people who argue this aren’t ever in that situation so it’s easy for them to dismiss it.”

I think that’s a pretty big blanket statement and not necessarily true for everyone. There are a lot of people who are already well-established in their lives and aren’t expecting gifts. Some people are specifically requesting that no one brings a gift, because they already have everything they need. Many of those people are older, so they’ve had more time to establish a life together. Presumably if your husband’s first marriage was over 30 years ago, he’s in his fifties. Your wedding guests may assume that your situation is similar.

I’m not saying it’s right or wrong to not bring a gift — I wouldn’t show up to a wedding empty-handed no matter what the situation (mine or the bride and groom’s).

Post # 60
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you can’t bring even just a heartfelt note to a wedding, dont even show up. Rude. 

Post # 61
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@hollywould:  You really don’t even seem to like these people, so I guess I don’t really understand why you are so bothered by not getting a gift from them. Maybe they can actually sense that you don’t like them…

In any event, I certainly would not get worked up over it. You are actually coming across a little greedy here. Did your desires and expectations for gifts influence who you actually invited to the wedding?

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