- 10 years ago
As we all know, with the holiday season coming up there are probably going to be a ton of proposals, hopefully some of our own, but also a bunch of other people. Well, I’m pretty sure that season has already begun. In the past few days we have had 2 ppl we know get engaged. First, on Sat. we had a couple in our group of friends announce their engagement. They have been dating a year, maybe slightly over. I think they have been flirty for years, but never officially dated til recently. We did not expect this to happen so soon–as far as we knew he was waiting until he got out of school (still has another year). Now, I was very happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but the disappointment comes in because I had JUST been thinking, like 2 days before that, that my BF and I would be next in our group. We have already been “lapped” by several couples, and at 4.5 years that is understandable I guess, but I thought that we really were up next. I was starting to accept the waiting and enjoy my last few months as a “single” woman. Then that whammy happened.
Then, a few days ago at practice, ANOTHER girl announced her engagement. This time I didn’t feel that jealousy pang so much, I was genuinely excited and happy for her! SHe has been dating her now Fiance for over 6 years and we all knew it was coming. But, honestly, I still wished it was me.
I talked to my BF the other night about all of this. Well, actually, he sensed the sadness in my voice and had to pry it out. It turned into a 3 hour long epic conversation about marriage, engagements, money, and our future. Some of the convo sucked really bad because it was not just about marriage but about things he worried about me (how I let other people affect me, like when I hear about engagements) but most of the conversation was about our future. We both know we want to marry each other, it’s just about the money now. We want to buy a house and get out of our parents’ basements. I know, we could rent, but we don’t want to because we would just be putting a down payment on a house a year or 2 later, anyway.
I totally understand that I am going to have to wait a bit longer (hopefully only 7 months or so) until we can get engaged, but it still stings a little every time it is not us. Even thought he sort of gave me a timeline a month or so ago, how do I know it will pan out that way? What if he makes me wait a few more years–I can’t deal with that, and I told him so! I know that I shouldn’t get so jealous each time I hear of someone else’s good news, but I just can’t help it, and I’m sure a lot of you feel the same way. It’s not that I’m pissed at the ppl, I’m pissed that it can’t be me right now. BF has said that we should just be happy that we are together, and I am, but it is different when you have that officiality. I want that. I want to prove to the world that we are each others’. I hate it that because I was responsible and have paid my own bills for many years, am paying for my own college education, and pay for everything else I do that I have to be penalized and wait, while the people who get things handed to them have other things happen to them, like paying for a wedding, so easily. I am jealous, not going to lie, but I also appreciate that i am financially responsible and know how to handle my money. Not saying that those other ppl dont, but maybe not in the same way. I just wish I could speed up this whole process. BF and I are both saving, but you can only save so fast.
How do I not let the inevitable engagements that will happen over the holiday season bother me if I am not myself engaged yet? Does anyone else feel this way?
Sorry this is so long, I just really needed to vent…