Post # 1
So, hubs and I are planning to TTC for realz next cycle. We’re super excited because with all the research I’ve been doing, my trusty calendar, etc., we should be good to go. One small thing, though.
Every close friend of mine that has attempted pregnancy was able to do so on the FIRST TRY. I’m not kidding.
And I’m not talking about first cyle. I’m talking about “Whoosh! Nothing but net!” the FIRST BD.
My mother assures me that it’s normal to take a few months, but I can’t help but feel pressured. I feel like I need to give my eggs a pep talk like we’re going into a big game. Luckily, from what I’ve read on the boards, it’s not abnormal for it take some time – but still.
Anyone else feel like this? I’m open to a rant session haha.
Post # 3
I don’t because I’m not TTC. But I remember a friend of mine telling me that when her husband came back from deployment they were going to start. She conceived 2 weeks after he came home!! And her friend, another military wife conceived in 10 days. HOW?!?! Definitely intimidating, but I wouldn’t worry about it, no one expects to get a BFP from their first BD. Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
I feel like that all the time. All my friends that have kids, none of them are planned, like seriously, the one time they didn’t use protection, like a day’s laspe betwen changing from the shot to the pill, bam they were pregnant. Whereas I am the TTC acronym queen, with all the BD’ing I do when my BBT drops and I get a positive OPK (which hasn’t happened yet). Its frustrating. I feel like i’m doing everything I can to no avail. I hate to say its not fair, as its not something they nor I can control, i wonder alot why me?
Post # 5
@bridetacular: I wonder if there’s not a little bit of “reporting bias”/not actually knowing going on there.
Geting pregnant very quickly is highly valued in many cultures (a kind of expression of the ultimate femininty to super fertile), so if nobody’s ever going to know the difference, why not say first try. Unless your entire social circle is camped out in your bedroom (living room, car, phonebooth or wherever you like to get it on), there’s nobody to corroborate or disprove your statement.
Secondly, it’s kind of a romantic notion to think that the first time you BD’d you just KNEW you were pregnant. Frig, we’ve been trying for a year, and EVERY month, I just KNOW it worked. If you actually end up pregnant, you’re going to validate all those things you “knew” as being correct, even if they’re not.
So, I’d advise you just to worry about yourself and your husband. Everybody’s journey is different. Good luck!
Post # 6
Are we the same person?
Honestly, I feel like you don’t really talk about how long it took to conceive unless it DID happen on the first try/first cycle. So those women are like OH HAVING A BABY IS SO EASY! And we’re not forced to picture the couple having timed intercourse for four, six, eight months. Which, let’s be honest, is not hot. I’m sure there are a lot of other people out there for whom it took a few months or even a few years, and they just don’t go advertising it.
It’s normal if it takes a while! Each month, even if both partners are 100% healthy, there’s still only the 30% chance of conception! So three or four months is still TOTALLY NORMAL. Try not to compare. You will go nuts. 🙂
Post # 7
Yep – I totally get it. My best friend got pregnant their first shot without a goalie, a coworkers wife literally the same week she went off BC (seriously, what are the odds?) and DH’s fiance first month TTC.
We are in our 2nd month TTC after NTNT since Julyish and clearly we aren’t quite that lucky!!
Try not to feel the pressure, it’s not going to help anything.. but instead, keep repeating positive mantras, it WILL happen!! It may not be the first go around, but hey… that means more BD’ing fun for you and Darling Husband for the next tries.
All the best trying sweetie, don’t let the first cycle weird you out too much 🙂
Post # 8
@NaijaPuertoDorian: Exactly! I haven’t been there yet, but I can’t shake the feeling that I will be – it just seems too impossible.
@SapphireSun: There may be, though I was at one gir’s house a week after they BD’d and we went to buy prego tests, and sure enough… And she’s pretty straight up. Another gal pulled the goalie once “just to see what would happen” and BAM. So. Yeah…
@daybyday: Thanks! I’m so happy to have this community for everything. I’ve tried talking to my mom about it, but she’s still trying to process the whole grandmother idea, so… it’s so helpful to chat with like-minded, similarly intimiated peeps 🙂
@StaceyA: Thanks! I’ll try haha. What an adventure.
Post # 9
I agree with people that there is definitely more of a tendency to talk about when it happens fast. No one wants to say, yeah, we were working really hard at it for 8 months. I have lots of friends having babies, but I do feel really lucky that people are sort of open about it not happening of the first try. I do, of course, know several people that it did happen on the first try for and I’m happy for them and hope to be one of them!
Post # 10
That’s my sense, too. It’s not that everybody else gets pregnant on the first try, it’s that people who get pregnant on the first try are the most vocal about it and we don’t hear as much from the people who get pregnant on month 4-5-6 because it just doesn’t have the same romantic ring to it. If you tell people you got pregnant on month 4-5-6 (which is still well within the normal range), you have now put the image into their heads of the two of you having regularly scheduled sex each month, which, again, just doesn’t fit most people’s ideals of whimsy and romance.
Post # 11
Most people I know took 6 months to 2 years, regardless of their age. So to me, that’s kind of the “norm.”
Post # 12
@sailor: True story! Then they start doing math, and then… sigh.
I now make the solemn vow that if I happens the first time, or first cycle, or first two months, that I will still be happy and announce, but I will refrain from laying it out for people when we BD’d – regardless of how quickly it happened.
Solidarity, normal-fertility sisters!
Post # 13
@sailor: It’s 100% true, and I know, because I’m one of the people it happened to on the first try.
I was actually 100% POSITIVE it would not, could not, happen on the first try, especially in my 30’s. So we started trying 3 months before the wedding. And it happened on the first try anyway.
So, OP, You never know what’s going to happen, until it happens!
Just think, you will have much more fun trying the BD than we did! I was super tired and cranky by the time our wedding/newlywed status even rolled around. There was nothing romantic there, AT ALL, lol.
Good luck to you ladies!!
Post # 14
Totally feel you! The only 3 close friends of mine that have kids/are pregnant either had an ‘oops’ moment or got pregnant first month of TTC…I feel the pressure is on!
Post # 15
SIL is fertle mertle lol she just had her 4th and was on BC for 2 of her pregnancys
Post # 16
@bridetacular: Well I can tell you I felt the exact same way and was 100% sure it wouldn’t happen for me but I came off the pill and ovulated exactly 14 days later and got a BFP 9 days after that. So don’t stress it could happen for you too!