Post # 1
Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married for years, we live together, have a basic life plan (as in, we agree on the big stuff: life goals, kids, timeline, etc.) I’ve been ready to get engaged for a long time. And it’s been about a year since I first expressed that to him and he agreed then that it was the right time. So I started out waiting, and waiting, and waiting. And hearing “soon,” “it’ll be here before you know it,” etc. to the point where I had to tell him to stop with that kind of thing because his version of soon and mine are very different. He’s more of the enjoy the moment kind of person and I’m the “we know where we’re going, let’s get moving” one. I’ve been doing really well lately at keeping myself occupied and not dwelling on it, but I have several friends and a family member getting married in the next few months so avoiding wedding talk has gotten harder. He mentioned the next upcoming one and apparently my face fell a bit. He asked if I wanted a timeline then told me it would be within the next 6 months. That gave the planner in me some peace for a little while, but now it’s harder because I’m just so ready to start planning. We’ve discussed a spring/early summer 2020 date, have a list of a couple potential venues and are going between two dream trip honeymoon options. I have no doubt that it will happen, or of his desire to marry me, but I’m still struggling to be patient. I also try to keep in mind that it’s a money issue primarily. We’ve had a lot going on recently and he is adamant that he wants to pay for the ring in full and have it be “the ring” (I suggested we get a placeholder ring for a while. I’m just ready to marry the man, but he said that’s not how he wants it to happen). So I’m still waiting and doing my best to enjoy every moment with him and the excitement of this time, but it’s hard. So I’m just hoping to hear some of your stories, especially if you have any similar experiences with waiting and the guy giving a timeframe (If he did, did he propose at the beginning, middle, or end of it)? Thanks in advance!
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
This is a tough time period to be in! I say to just go crazy and have fun on Pinterest. I’m very much like you and love planning, so that type A in me was satisfied and I wasn’t driving my Fiance crazy! Our idea for what we wanted in a wedding changed so much over the years, that it was really nice to mull our options over and really spend time thinking about it without the pressure to decide on anything.
I’m glad he gave you the 6 months! I would check in a month or two beforehand just to make sure he still is planning on it and didn’t “forget”.
Post # 3
Thanks! I’ve slowly been giving myself more permission to plan and go on Pinterest, etc. since he gave me the timeline I’ve felt more valid in doing those types of things.
Post # 4
I don’t have any really good advice, I’m doing a bad job of a similar scenario. My best suggestion is find one (or more?) of your friends who you can ask if when you start to feel crazy about the whole thing, you can lean on them as a spurce of support and venting.
Also consider counseling? I started counseling during the waiting period because I was concerned I wasn’t handling several stresses in my life the best, and it helped with the waiting stress kind of as a by product.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
I was in the same boat. It is really hard because you do not know if it is a good idea planning before getting the ring and it is hard to be patient for this kind of thing. For me we started talking marriage maybe half a year together and since then we had been slowly building our future together and during that time I was like.. are you going to propose, when will it happen, etc. He too is also very nonchalant and not very big on things needing to be done right away. He is the type where if he is given a 5pm deadline for something.. he will turn it in at 4:59pm. We are engaged and getting married next month but he did not propose until when we were together for a little over 2 years. So for me the time frame from when we first discussed it until it happened FELT SO LONG but the time after getting engaged until now flew by so fast it almost felt like it made up for the timeframe of waiting.
Anyway we did start wedding planning a bit before he officially proposed but it did not get far at all because I decided to wait til he popepd the question. So my advice to you would be have fun with planning but do not actually start planning yet. In other words go on Pinterest and do some window shopping but do not actually buy anything yet. It is good to occupy yourself with some ideas and knowing what you like and want so that come time for when you are engaged you will already know these things.