Post # 1
Background: he works for a large company and his floor employees about 400 people that work various 24 hour shifts. He has work friends that he only sees at work and some guys he will see outside of work. There are 2 women that he used to work the same shift and he would BS with but now work other shifts so they see each other less. Boths women we will call them Anna and Kelly used to be his mentees and more they’ve both been promoted to equals for a while now. They’re both my age 32. They are both married.
He’s known Anna for maybe a year and a half and really gets along with Anna’s husband. Kelly’s husband also works at the same company and my husband and her husband havr gotten to know each other and really like hanging out too. Naturally the six of us will go out with other couples from work mostly his guy friends and their girlfriends of the moment. He does not hang out with these women outside of work or even really at work just because he prefers the company of his other friends which happened to be men.
My problem is with Kelly. She just says very odd comment to my husband and to me. It’s a feeling I have. I don’t think she necessarily wants to have an affair with my husband but I think she wants his attention at the very least and I think she is jealous of me as odd as that sounds.
Kelly was constantly telling my husband has she never nags and how is she so independent and that she’s more of a guy than a girl. She basically thinks she’s the coolest girl on the planet. So naturally when I met her I was expecting more. On the contrary, she is such a girly girl. She is very deceptively caddy. She asked me personal questions about my life and basically asks my husband “why didn’t you tell me any of this about your wife.” But she doesn’t do this in a cute way she does it in a way that she expects him to tell her things? Things started really changing her as our wedding was approaching. When he invited her and her husband her husband wanted to go and she basically said “oh no we’re not going to go you should save the invitation” as he was handing her the invitation! He really enjoys her husband’s company and will hang out with him but had to stop because she would be upset that she was not invited so her husband could not go out anymore unless she was there. The office environment is mostly men and I think she is used to getting a lot of attention and doesn’t know how to handle not being the prettiest girl in the room. Since we have been married she has been very rude at work to my husband. After I met her, way before we were married, she proceeded to tell my husband this about me “she’s not at all what I expected from the things that I have heard” I’ve met the coworkers and they all had nice things to say about me “but I guess you have my approval.” My husband laughed it off and basically told her very nicely to f*** off that he didn’t need her approval. And I guess this hurt her feelings especially because her husband laughed too. Anyways, I don’t really feel that she is his true friend but I also don’t want to start something that is essentially amounting to nothing. But I simply do not trust her. I don’t like her. There have been a lot of little comments like this and I can’t quite put my finger on it but I do not trust this woman.
I love and trust my husband but he’s clueless when it comes to women sometimes. We’re going to be hanging out doing a couple things in a couple of weeks and quite plainly I don’t really want Kelly there. But the truth is I really don’t have any solid reason Beyond her cattiness and my suspicions on why I do not want her there. When my husband told me that she had been kind of rude to him recently I told my husband that I really feel that she sees him as more than a friend even if it is just for the attention rather than an action. And he thought that I was reading into things that were not there. If I were to ask him not to invite her, he would do it no question but do I really want this just to make me feel comfortable? My question is I really just want to tell him everything I feel about this person. But I think, no I know, this would hurt his feelings and he wouldn’t quite get it or see it.
note, this has nothing to do with having guy or girl friends. He has no desire to hang with women outside of work.
Post # 2
I got a little lost to be honest, but I think your husband is right: you are reading way too much into this. If you don’t want to hang around Kelly, then you don’t have to. But I think it’s rude to uninvite her. Probably avoid one on one situations, but suck it up for group situations.
As you said yourself, you don’t have any real reasons to not invite her, you just don’t like some things she has done. That’s life. You have to learn to be around people you don’t always like.
Let this one go OP.
Post # 3
I also had trouble following your post. But, from what I did understand, I think you are reading too much into this.
Post # 4
Not every woman who has an opinion is jealous or wants your man. I don’t think she’s the catty (not “caddy”) one here. Sounds like she’s used to having some close male friendships. She says things I wouldn’t say, but there’s nothing you’ve said here that would lead me to believe she’s after him. I know you say you don’t necessarily think that either, so then, what’s the problem? You just don’t like her, and you’re reading a lot into the comments she has made.
Post # 5
You have to start sticking up for yourself and give her some comments back instead of just standing there like a stick.
Kelly to your husband “why didn’t you tell me things about your wife like this??” YOU “because he’s my husband and doesn’t have to! Kelly go worry about your hubby! <insert your fake laugh>”
Kelly “I’m such a guy, I hate drama, . Toot Toot toots her own horn..” YOU “wow Kelly, it’s so good to hear a woman rave about herself so much. Women should do that more often!” OR you “me too! I hate woman drama and ones that talk about themselves so much! Get over yourself I want to tell em! I’m amazing and a great cook, fun, full of life but I don’t feel like I need to tell the world that! Ugh so annoying!”
Give it back to her. You can do it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Your post is a bit difficult to follow, but I think you’re reading too much into things. In group situations, you need to learn how to interact with people you like, and how to deal with those you don’t like, without creating unnecessary drama. They’re just people you hang out with occasionally.
Post # 7
I kind of got lost in your post, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that someone thinks they’re the coolest person on the planet because they’re girly and mostly have guy friends. I’ve always been that girl and I have spent lots of years hearing other girls say mean things like that about me. Maybe you should try talking one on one with her to clear the air? If she makes you feel uncomfortable you should talk to her and try and figure it out. Having your husband deal with it or never saying anything about it to either of them isn’t going to ever resolve the issue or make you feel better.
Post # 8
It doesn’t really matter what Kelly is (not) doing dear Bee. It matters that your husband continuously shuts her down when she steps over the line. Which he does. So relax.
Next time you see her just be a little bit more chilly towards her. Or if you really want to be all catty be EXTRA nice to her. And anything she says about work you interject with “oh DH told me about that! How funny!” So she gets the idea that he’s her work hubby or complicit with her outta her stupid little head.
Buuuuut I’d say don’t bring any drama into your marriage by making a big deal outta it. In fact the next time something happens and your husband tells you how he shut it down you praise him and tell him how awesome he is, what a great husband he is, how he makes you feel all secure in your relationship, I dunno (tongue in cheek) give him a spontaneous passionate kiss/bj/hug/whatever floats his boat and laugh to yourself how Kelly thinks she’s got her little claws in your husband.
Post # 9
I think I followed fine. Honestly, I think you’re definitely right. But I do think there’s not anything you can do. If you’re not concerned about your husband’s responses to her, then I’d say let it go and try to laugh it off.
I think the fact you are ALL married and she’s still doing these odd things would make me uncomfortable but you know your husband doesn’t even see it, so I wouldn’t worry about him and realize she’s not a threat – just a nuisance. At any point though, you do have the right to ask to start cutting back on time with her and let him know that you feel uncomfortable and would like him to be aware and intentional about his interactions with her at work, too, and not letting her as closely into the circle of your own relationship and marriage.
Post # 10
Do you trust your husband implicitly? Then you have nothing to worry about. It really is that simple…
Post # 11
From what you wrote, I didn’t see why you suspect she is secretly into your husband. She sounds like she is controlling and has poor social skills, and she may not like you, but she doesn’t sound like she wants to bone your husband in the lunch room. If you don’t like her, don’t socialize with her.
Post # 12
I’m sorry…caddy? Do you mean catty?
Post # 13
It really doesn’t matter what she does. What matters is how your husband responds.
Post # 14
Ask her what kind of girl she was expecting for your husband exactly, since you are not it, and ask in a loud voice in front of a lot of people and watch her squirm. Who does she think she is? The spouse police?
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
It sounds to me like she’s just a rude and unpleasant person to be around, not into your husband. If you trust him completely there’s nothing to worry about, it doesn’t matter how clueless her is, he can’t accidentally have sex with her.