(Closed) Suspicious of husband's female coworker

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4027 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
athenalex :  I got a little lost to be honest, but I think your husband is right: you are reading way too much into this. If you don’t want to hang around Kelly, then you don’t have to. But I think it’s rude to uninvite her. Probably avoid one on one situations, but suck it up for group situations. 

As you said yourself, you don’t have any real reasons to not invite her, you just don’t like some things she has done. That’s life. You have to learn to be around people you don’t always like.

Let this one go OP.

Post # 3
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I also had trouble following your post. But, from what I did understand, I think you are reading too much into this. 


Post # 4
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


Not every woman who has an opinion is jealous or wants your man. I don’t think she’s the catty (not “caddy”) one here. Sounds like she’s used to having some close male friendships. She says things I wouldn’t say, but there’s nothing you’ve said here that would lead me to believe she’s after him. I know you say you don’t necessarily think that either, so then, what’s the problem? You just don’t like her, and you’re reading a lot into the comments she has made. 

Post # 5
5901 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You have to start sticking up for yourself and give her some comments back instead of just standing there like a stick.

Kelly to your husband “why didn’t you tell me things about your wife like this??” YOU “because he’s my husband and doesn’t have to!  Kelly go worry about your hubby! <insert your fake laugh>”

Kelly “I’m such a guy, I hate drama, . Toot Toot toots her own horn..”  YOU “wow Kelly,  it’s so good to hear a woman rave about herself so much. Women should do that more often!” OR you “me too! I hate woman drama and ones that talk about themselves so much!  Get over yourself I want to tell em! I’m amazing and a great cook, fun, full of life but I don’t feel like I need to tell the world that! Ugh so annoying!”

Give it back to her.  You can do it.

Post # 6
6339 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Your post is a bit difficult to follow, but I think you’re reading too much into things.  In group situations, you need to learn how to interact with people you like, and how to deal with those you don’t like, without creating unnecessary drama.  They’re just people you hang out with occasionally.

Post # 7
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I kind of got lost in your post, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that someone thinks they’re the coolest person on the planet because they’re girly and mostly have guy friends. I’ve always been that girl and I have spent lots of years hearing other girls say mean things like that about me. Maybe you should try talking one on one with her to clear the air? If she makes you feel uncomfortable you should talk to her and try and figure it out. Having your husband deal with it or never saying anything about it to either of them isn’t going to ever resolve the issue or make you feel better. 

Post # 8
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It doesn’t really matter what Kelly is (not) doing dear Bee. It matters that your husband continuously shuts her down when she steps over the line. Which he does. So relax. 

Next time you see her just be a little bit more chilly towards her. Or if you really want to be all catty be EXTRA nice to her. And anything she says about work you interject with “oh DH told me about that! How funny!” So she gets the idea that he’s her work hubby or complicit with her outta her stupid little head. 

Buuuuut I’d say don’t bring any drama into your marriage by making a big deal outta it. In fact the next time something happens and your husband tells you how he shut it down you praise him and tell him how awesome he is, what a great husband he is, how he makes you feel all secure in your relationship, I dunno (tongue in cheek) give him a spontaneous passionate kiss/bj/hug/whatever floats his boat and laugh to yourself how Kelly thinks she’s got her little claws in your husband. 


Post # 9
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think I followed fine.  Honestly, I think you’re definitely right.  But I do think there’s not anything you can do.  If you’re not concerned about your husband’s responses to her, then I’d say let it go and try to laugh it off.  

I think the fact you are ALL married and she’s still doing these odd things would make me uncomfortable but you know your husband doesn’t even see it, so I wouldn’t worry about him and realize she’s not a threat – just a nuisance.  At any point though, you do have the right to ask to start cutting back on time with her and let him know that you feel uncomfortable and would like him to be aware and intentional about his interactions with her at work, too, and not letting her as closely into the circle of your own relationship and marriage.

Post # 10
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Do you trust your husband implicitly?  Then you have nothing to worry about.  It really is that simple…

Post # 11
2882 posts
Sugar bee

From what you wrote, I didn’t see why you suspect she is secretly into your husband. She sounds like she is controlling and has poor social skills, and she may not like you, but she doesn’t sound like she wants to bone your husband in the lunch room. If you don’t like her, don’t socialize with her.

Post # 12
2833 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry…caddy?  Do you mean catty?

Post # 13
47377 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It really doesn’t matter what she does. What matters is how your husband responds.

Post # 14
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

Ask her what kind of girl she was expecting for your husband exactly, since you are not it,     and ask in a loud voice in front of a lot of people and watch her squirm.     Who does she think she is?  The spouse police?

Post # 15
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It sounds to me like she’s just a rude and unpleasant person to be around, not into your husband. If you trust him completely there’s nothing to worry about, it doesn’t matter how clueless her is, he can’t accidentally have sex with her. 

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