(Closed) Sweet revenge!!!!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’ll try to stay off my soapbox…however people act a lot different in high school than they do in their 20’s and 30’s.  One thing to remember before you do anything to someone else is that you rarely know what’s going on in someone’s life unless you’re super close to them, so that makes justifying actions difficult, but I do agree that the OP could have made the situation much worse, and she didn’t, just don’t know if I would have choosen revenge like that, versus just letting my new image do the talking ๐Ÿ˜‰ Crap…I’ll step off the box now.

Post # 63
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@mandypop: 

and now you’re judging her for the fact that she has children out of wedlock and doesn’t drive a nice car.”

She didnt say these things to anyone or to this girl’s face, it seems as though she simply thinks that after all the heartache this nasty (YES!.. the person she walked away from) caused her in high school that karma has come to bite her in the butt.  Its not judgmental for her to THINK that. If she were to parade around the gym or tell everyone she knows then that would be bad, but she didnt. She came to weddingbee to express what she had done and she gave a breif background of why she reacted the way she did.  What’s the harm in that? And what is so bad about how she reacted? Some people would have punched that girl in the face!

 

Post # 64
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Good for you, OP!  As someone who was actually pretty popular in high school BECAUSE I was nice to EVERYONE, but yet picked on relentlessly (I hate the term “bullied” – I teach high school and think it’s overused), I know exactly how you feel. 

And just in my experience, most of the people who picked on me in high school haven’t changed AT ALL.  They’re still mean, dumb, and think they’re awesome.  So yeah, when I hear their marriage is on the rocks or that they gained a little weight, you bet I do a happy dance inside.  And you can also bet that I avoid them at all costs and I’m not the friendliest to them when I see them.  Totally get it, OP. 

Post # 65
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Mrs.DsBeeloved:  I work with people with brain injuries for a living. People treat them terribly because their injuries are not obvious. You bet a lot of old high school peers see some of my patients and think (and in some cases, say)  “HA! She got fat and she’s unemployed!!”  

So when I see ANYONE from my past – no matter how nasty they may have been – I see them as potentially being one of my patients, someone who has been through something horrible, something that if I found out the story, I’d feel like a total ass hole for judging them and getting all smug.  Because while that may not be the case, you really never know.

Its not a soap box. Its seeing for a number of years how CRUEL people are, and realizing there is nothing to gain from laughing or being smug about other people’s misfortunes in life. I take no joy in seeing people suffer or go through difficult things. If you do, cool I guess?

Post # 67
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@cobalt21: Let’s not play the “my bullies were worse than your bullies” game. I was bullied to the point of attempting suicide, you want to tell me my bullies were any less real than yours, have at it.

I haven’t forgotten, but I’ve managed to forgive, and I can honestly say I take zero pleasure in the fact that some of them haven’t ended up with the lives they wanted/expected. Does that make me better than anyone who hasn’t gotten to that place of forgiveness? No. But it’s still petty and spiteful to overtly treat someone badly years after the fact when they’ve given you no cause to believe they’re still that same teenage bully. I know how much I’ve changed as a person since high school, I’m not going to treat everyone else like they’re the same kids I used to know.

Think what you want, gloat secretly if you must, but try to give people the benefit of the doubt before you pass judgement on the person they are now.

Post # 68
Member
9212 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Mrs.DsBeeloved:  I think you and a lot of posters are missing the part where OP blantantly and smuggly looked the girl up and down- that is not silently judging that is openly judging someone to their face!

I also think it is a little unfair to accuse others of not being bullied when they chose to handle a situation in a more mature way. The cycle fo bullying is a bad thing and by chosing to perptuate the cycle means that a person is just as bad as the original bully. By choosing not to engage/reteliate and being a nicer person to the person who bullied you years ago you are attempting to break the cycle.

Choosing to bully or be mean back just says to society that bullying is acceptable.

Post # 69
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Though I tend to agree with mandypop, you really didn’t do anything.  And I am not going to sit here and act like I’ve never judged someone in my entire life, because I have.  I think just keeping certain things to yourself is probably best.

There’s a lot of bees with children out of wedlock, etc. 

People change so much from high school.  I’m  not saying bullying is right, I just think a lot of kids don’t have the mental capacity at the time to comprehend the damage they are doing to the other person.  Forgiveness would be the best option in this case since you may be seeing her often.

Post # 70
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I will say that I have been on both sides of the coin here. I was not the nicest of girls in high school. I never had a lack of confidence or ridiculous things to say. I have run into girls that just didnt like me that were even worse than I was and I now have a great job, family, etc. And it felt good to let them know that I was living a great life and walk away with a satisfied smile. At the same time, that is where I drew the line with that because I have been on the other end too where I run into a girl i was not so nice to that has ended up doing some pretty awesome things with her life (think hollywood, stylist type things) and she was a total asshole. Do i blame her? not one bit. But I did leave feeling good about the times I made her cry because it was kind of like well since she’s a jerk I have no guilt. If she would have smiled or even been polite I woulda been thinkin “awww man! god im such a jerk! ugh! why was I mean to this girl before?!”  but instead I was thinking “ha! good im glad I made you cry at least twice a week asshole!” simply because she was such a nasty person. Granted she’s a nasty person to everyone, even people she used to be super close with. She is definitely one who let her success get to her head. But the point is this, while I know it feels great to show someone who used to put you down that you have turned into a wonderful, attractive well adjusted adult and in a sense to see that they ahve been brought down a few notches, but having a mean attitude back usually does not get the desired result of making her feel 2 inches tall. In a perfect world it would lol and im not saying it didnt in your case but no matter what, dont be that person. The best revenge is to live well and it seems you are ๐Ÿ™‚ so be sweet which is the most annoying thing you can do to someone like that lol trust me, i know ๐Ÿ™

Post # 71
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

 Now you’re judging the OP for her thoughts, which she never actually voiced to the former bully? How very Orwellian of you.

OP, I don’t think you did anything wrong. 

Post # 72
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m with ya, OP.

I was bullied mercilessly in middle school, and a bit in high school. I ended up graduating when I was 16 and leaving the province. I lost 60 lbs, got braces and laser whitening, and had become a professional makeup artist. By 20 I had a lot more going for me then I did at 16.

I saw a classmate who had made my life HELL in my childhood, last summer. This is the girl who alienated me, spread awful rumors, and told me to kill myself on a weekly basis. I literally didn’t recognize her, she had changed SO much. Easily had gained 75lbs, totally let herself go. And this girl was STUNNING in high school. I sincerely had no idea it was her while she was trimming my hair, and we were making small talk. So by the end of the conversation she had found out that I was finishing a degree in Neuroscience, I owned a brand new car, and I had an amazing body. Finally at the end of the appointment, she said “You don’t remember me…do you?” And explained who she was.

It was amazing. I don’t believe in Karma, but she definitely got what she deserved. She didn’t apologize, but I knew I finally had “won,” in the world of girl bullies. All without stooping to her level. So liberating. ๐Ÿ™‚

ETA: I’ve since had guys I went to high school with approach me in bars when I visit home. Guys who made fun of me, or wouldn’t give me a second of their time. It’s hilarious having a boy-bully try to pick you up at a bar, and then watching the blood drain out of their face when they realize that I’m the girl they tormented for years. A simple: “You know I’m (insert my name) from high school…right? You do remember bullying me almost daily, don’t you?”

I don’t think that’s catty at all, but it’s a pretty damn awesome feeling to watch them clam up and try to apologize!

Post # 73
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just want to say how incredibly sad this whole thread makes me.  It shows how horrible bullying is and that the effects can last a lifetime.  I wish kids could see this and understand, maybe it would lessen the pain for even one child/future adult.

I was so lucky, I was never bullied in school.  I went to the same school from kindergarten through graduation, I still have many of the same friends because even though we are all mid-40s and scattered all over the world, we had a small, tight-knit school.  Sure, there were “super popular” girls, but I was just in the middle, friends with them, friends with all the groups.

Something that happened in sixth grade cemented my feelings on trying to include everyone.  I never bullied any kids, was pretty soft-hearted but if someone was being picked on wouldn’t always stand up for them.  Until that one day in sixth grade art class.  Some kids were picking on a boy named Mike—saying “oh your hair is so greasy you could solve the world’s oil crisis by squeezing it out of your hair” (this was during the OPEC stuff around 1980) etc.  He started crying.  I remember that moment like it was yesterday, and from then on when anyone was teasing someone I did my best to put a stop to it. I realized that it’s not enough to not participate, someone needs to step up and stop it when it happens.

When I became a mom (my kids are 22 and 23 now) I always tried to make my kids be the ones that stood up to bullies.  My daughter was bullied pretty bad in grades 6-10 but then found herself and is now a much stronger person for it—but I wish I could have saved her from that.  It breaks my heart to think of all the people out there that were/are hurt by this.  I do have one childhood friend who is so bitter, she wasn’t bullied but she is an adult bully.  I see her passive-aggressive posts and cringe, one day I’ll have enough I’m sure and delete her but I would rather not, I do like her one-to-one.  She had an eating disorder as an adult and now loves to put down other women for being “a fat ass” when she feels threatened by them, and by posting it on FB.  Very sad all around.

Anyway, to all the ladies here that have been hurt by bullies, my heart goes out to you.  Please try to stop the cycle.

One thing I do want to add, if you judge yourself in relation to others, and how you are doing “better or worse” than they are, you will never find true happiness.  It has to come from within and when you stop measuring yourself against others, you will find that happiness comes a lot easier.  Screw what others are doing, live YOUR life!

Post # 74
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@mandypop:  I hate that you have to deal with that type of pain in your everyday work, I cant imagine! I certainly didnt mean my post to be cruel, but I will say this, what OP did was in no way cruel, she looked at her and said “yes i do” and walked off. How exactly is that cruel? Im sure things could have been a lot worse. That was the point I was trying to make, not to say that bullying is ok because it is not. Being bullied myself in HS, I would never bully someone else, but I think I would have responded the same way as she did.  Also, can you honestly say you have never looked at someone you know and said “hmm they’ve gotten fat”? It may not be right but I think everyone has probably said something like that in their life.

 

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@j_jaye:  Point seen here. There is always a better way to handle a situation but people react differently to certain situations and my point by saying that some of you act like you have never been bullied is just a way of saying that if you had been truely bullied by someone you can see why she reacted the way that she did, not that you WOULD react that way, but just be able to see where she is coming from.

Post # 75
Member
9212 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Mrs.DsBeeloved:  Oh I can see and understand why someone might react that way but it still doesn’t mean that it should be condoned and congratulated (like many posters did). Silent judging is one thing (anyone can think what they like in their own head) but the OP didn’t silently judge- she openly judged (the up and down look etc). Someone who knows the hurt and pain that bullying causes should be more empathetic when faced with the choice whether to be the bully or not- in my opinion and experience.

Post # 76
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@sehrler:  You are so right. Break the cycle and live your life. Some of the best advice for any situation. 

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