Symbolic Ceremony Etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Ahh! I just wrote out a long comment and it somehow didn’t post. Here goes again– I did the same thing, but for different reasons. My husband is in the military, and we were engaged when he got orders to go overseas. We had to elope before our planned wedding (which has now been moved to next October due to said orders). I didn’t make a big announcement about getting married, since it was still important to us to have our Christian ceremony with our family and friends present. My facebook page still says engaged, and I plan to post an album of our elopement after our wedding. It wasn’t a secret, and anyone close to me knows. But I didn’t make any special announcement. A few people got butt hurt because they didn’t know beforehand and weren’t there for it, but they kind of cut that out quickly after they realized I wasn’t getting upset over their reaction. They got over it and everyone is okay now. I also have a friend that needed to get legally married about 5-6 months before her wedding for health insurance purposes. People close to her knew (including me) but she also didn’t make any big announcement. They had a regular wedding/ceremony. No one caused a stink. 


I don’t really think this is an area dictated by etiquette. It honestly only matters how you want to handle it. If you want the November event to be just as special as the real deal, then let it be. You aren’t obligated to tell anyone otherwise, and you don’t have to explain yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to do so to avoid confusion, but I wouldn’t do it to keep someone from getting upset. It definitely does get complicated when you have two weddings/ceremonies. I wasn’t sure how to handle it myself at first. But there really isn’t a wrong answer here, as long as you’re not lying to people about being married (because that would be kind of awkward, and you aren’t mentioning doing anything of the sort). I know this isn’t what you asked, but if it really means something to you to have the big wedding in September, I don’t know that I would worry about what people will do. The people who love you will still be there to support you. Would you travel to two weddings in two months? If it was someone I loved I know I would. They will too. Whichever you go with, it will be fine. 🙂

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