(Closed) T-minus 2 weeks til his timeline ends…thoughts?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: When and/or will he propose?

    Yes! before Florida

    Yes, in Florida

    Yes, in March... (why)

    Yes, in April (why)

    No, not ready (why)

    Didn't read, too long!

  • Post # 167
    Member
    1934 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @subtlebee:  No, the skepticism is rife here for many reasons. But the quote to which I was referring was the fact that you seem to skip over posts that are benign and instead focus on arguing with others–many of whom have given you solid, logical advice. It seems to be your modus operandi in the topics you start…

     

     

    Post # 169
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @subtlebee:  honestly, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I was totally ready for my Fiance to propose about a year into our relationship. With everyone else I dated, I didn’t even think about marriage and 2 proposed and i said no. But with my Fiance, I just KNEW he was the one. So I pushed because I’m also pretty impatient. But once he ordered the ring (after 6 months of me dropping hints and being impatient lol) , I totally let go. Because then I knew it would happen, and I just let him take his time planning the proposal. I did tell him that I didn’t want him to propose on our anniversary, because I was leaving for vacation the day after and i had a feeling he was planning on asking then (and i thought it would feel weird getting engaged and not even getting to show anyone at work or celebrate with him, etc). Otherwise, it was up to him. And he waited 3 months after receiving the ring before he asked. 

    I’m glad that I did eventually let go a bit. It made it so that I wasn’t so anxious all the time! I did paint my nails religiously and secretly hope for it every weekend, but just knowing he was going to propose was enough for me. 

    Maybe you can try to get to this point as well? I’m sure it would make the whole waiting experience better. 

    Post # 170
    Member
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I didn’t read all five pages, but I’ve said it before, and since I’ve seen you post like this about a million times since then, I think it’s worth repeating…I know the March thing is not the point of your post, but I really think you need to get yourself into grief counseling (or back in if you’ve been already, I can’t remember), because it’s just insane that there is an entire month of your life you refuse to let any happy events happen because of your deceased brother’s birthday. And I bet it probably leaves a bitter taste in your SO’s mouth that there is an entire month you’ve just ruled out – that you will only allow him to propose to him during a certain timeframe and will say no if he proposes in March. He may understand a bit, but if I were in his shoes I’d be having serious doubts over the constant pressure doubled with the fact that you will tell him no anyways if he does it in March – how could he possibly think you’re actually serious about marriage when you’ve told him that you’re going to say no unless he proposes on your terms? Terms that are, in the opinion of most, totally non-sensical.

    Post # 172
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @subtlebee:  I completely get what you’re talking about in terms of it being a two-way street for planning an engagement.  DH and I had a grown up conversation about getting engaged.  We got engaged in April of 2011.  He originally wanted to wait until February 2012 but I said I’d prefer it sooner.  I didn’t tell him exactly when, but I gave my preference and he respected that.  JUST LIKE YOUR BF IS.

    But he IS planning a proposal.  He’s NOT giving you the run around.  You’re trying to completely control this situation and you’re taking all the fun out of it.  I understand that you don’t like suprises, but this is a good one.  You know what the ring looks like, you know it’s coming soon, let go a little bit.  

    You’re marrying this man.  He knows you and knows how you work.  Give him some credit.  Whether it’s this month or in April, you’re getting married.  It’s one thing to like control and order, but it’s quite another to act childish and difficult.  Edited for niceness :o)

    Post # 174
    Member
    4394 posts
    Honey bee

    @subtlebee:  “dealt with enough?” No, I’ve dealt with enough suffering with a life threatening illness for 5 years. Waiting <1 year for a proposal isn’t dealing with enough. There are people with actual problems in the world. I was trying to be nice and refrain from saying anything negative and nasty about how ridiculous this is. Good luck to you and your boyfriend. 

    Post # 175
    Member
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @subtlebee:  You know, looking back, I suppose you’re not.  I can admit when I’m wrong.

     I guess I’m just sad for you not enjoying this.  He’s clearly telling you that the ring part is important to him and he doesn’t seem like he’s going to budge.  

    I know March is difficult for you.  If the ring’s not ready until March you really want him to wait?  Isn’t adding that frustration going to make an already tough situation worse!?  Hopefully you can find some joy in this.  Honestly, after we were engaged, a TINY part of me felt sad that those “<gasp> is this it??!?!’ moments were gone.  Here’s to hoping the ring is ready next week!

    Post # 177
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee

    WOW. Holy. Shit. I hope your BF gets to read this thread and runs from you quickly.  One year into a relationship and you’re already pulling this?  This will endear you to no one.

    Post # 178
    Member
    3537 posts
    Sugar bee

    @subtlebee:  if nothing else, you provide me with a lot of entertainment on the Bee… and an appreciation for all of the sane, drama free people in my life! As other PP’s have mentioned ( for 5 pages now), just chill. Get a counselor to cope with the grief, and maybe invest in a journal to jot down all of these feelings while you’re cooking your gourmet meals and breezing through your doctorate.

    Post # 180
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t know when or if your boyfriend will propose.  From what you’ve posted, it sounds like you don’t have to worry about him not proposing, so I would relax and try to enjoy this time.  I’m not sure what your huge rush is, but this should be such a fun time in your life and I feel like you are driving yourself crazy for no reason.  Focus on school, actually ENJOY the time you spend with your boyfriend (how exhausting to constantly think about a proposal), and look forward to meeting his family in Florida.  And calm down.

    Post # 181
    Member
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @subtlebee:And also, you posted three months ago saying that you wouldn’t talk about it and the subject was off the table for the next six months. What the heck happened to that?! I think it’s hypocritical that you haven’t kept that promise but you are holding him to a promise he made while drunk that he would propose to you by March.

    This isn’t all about you – it’s supposed to be about both of you, together. But pretty much all of your posts come across as ‘I want, I want , I want, me, me, me, I’m imaptient and it’s not a flaw it’s just how I am, this needs to happen on my schedule, that month’s not good for me, find a ruby faster, blah blah, blah.” Honestly, I’d find it exhausting if I were him. What about him and his needs and desires and wants? I feel harsh saying all that, but I also feel like you need the reality check – how about taking a break from obsessing over what you want and getting it right this second, and enjoy your relationship and focus on your SO for awhile?

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