Post # 1
Another engaged friend of mine had some drinks at happy hour and started discussing marriage, newlywed life etc. I confided in her that as the wedding got closer, I had a nagging thought in my head of “This is the last person you will ever have sex with. EVER.”
Now, I’m not a hoochie mama or anything and sex has never been that big of a priority for me, but as the wedding gets closer and closer I can help but feel, I don’t know, kind of bummed that I will never have that “first kiss” experience or flirty butterflies in the stomach feeling you get from a new crush or new relationship. Like, this is it. FOREVER. Not saying it’s bad, but it’s just….so final.
Ugh, I feel like an awful, horrible person for even typing this.
Anyone else out there feel the same?
Post # 3
Well I mean I thought about it, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I am perfectly happy having my husband be the only person I have sex with for the rest of my life.
No, you won’t really have that “new relationship” feeling anymore, but it will be replaced with the feeling of long-lasting, growing, strengthened love, which I think is much more rewarding than the fleeting sensations of a “first kiss”.
ETA: Really good article on Offbeat Bride about this subject: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/07/romance-in-marriage
Post # 4
@Legallyblondiebride: Of course you’re not a bad person for having that thought!!! It’s important to think about these things before making such a big commitment.
Post # 5
@DeathByDesign: I agree.
I’ve thought about it, but not like “Oh crap he’s the only guy I’ll ever sleep with again!”… but more like “Wow, I’m so lucky I know we’ll be able to grow our relationship and he’s the only one I’ll be with for the rest of my life”… if that makes sense.
Post # 6
I think that sounds like human nature. I don’t have those particular thoughts exaclty but I have had my own “this-is-it-ahh” type freakouts earlier in our engagement.
I think it’s normal to go through all the things that are going to go away or change, in order to make a good decision about committing to each other. The first datey type butterlfies and stuff are really fun, but I do think the longterm love is better and irreplaceable
Post # 7
I’ve never thought that way as far as sex goes…in my experience, the firs time having sex with a guy is typically nerve-wracking and, well, kind of awkward, no matter how good it is. But I know what you’re saying as far as the butterflies and the first kiss and everything…despite never wanting to experience either with another guy, it would be nice to just re-have them with Darling Husband whenever I wanted, haha.
Post # 8
@Wonderstruck: “it would be nice to just re-have them with Darling Husband whenever I wanted.”
Post # 9
I’ve thought that… but in a very happy way! 😀
Post # 10
Nope, never thought about it. I’ve already had plenty before him, lol. And he is the best, by far, so I’m very content for him to be the last one.
Post # 11
Yes, but it’s kind of a nice feeling, IMO. 🙂
Also, plenty of people are happily “monogamish,” in Dan Savage’s words. Not to revive the “if you have a threesome you will divorce and you’re going to hell” thread, but these things are an option for some folks.
Post # 12
yes!! And I’m sooo happy he’s the last guy I get to sleep with!
Post # 13
Definitely as a happy thought!
Post # 14
Hm, while I was cognizant of this fact it did not bother me. I have had plenty of experiences by the time my husband and I met and felt quite comfortable and very happy with my sex life with Darling Husband, and don’t really miss “first kisses” and that kind of thing. I was already prepared for him to to be the last one, as I already felt we were life partners before we actually married.
I’d rather have our deeply committed, authentic, honest love based on really knowing each other, than a lifetime more of “new loves”. I never had anything with anyone else I ever met like I have with Darling Husband, and to be quite honest, I kind of doubt I ever would.
Darling Husband is pretty darn romantic though, even if we aren’t a brand new couple. I actually appreciate his romance even more now, as it is not just trying to impress me as a new partner, and it comes from a much more authentic place. But even more than that, he is REAL with me. He is honest with his feelings. He shares wtih me and is very open with me. Like that article in Offbeat Bride, it is more REAL, and that is a very beautiful and romantic thing in itself. I DO get tingly and excited with him still!
Darling Husband did kind of lament the inability to experience the “new” ever again, since he is eternally curious, but also thinks the trade off is worth it and I have no doubt about him being happily commited to me, even if sometimes he jokingly refers to the shackles of marriage that mean monogamy (for our relationship anyway).