(Closed) “Tacky”

posted 13 years ago in Logistics
Post # 32
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m not sure what post you’re referring to (and I think I’m glad). I had a friend, one I’ve known for 12 years, tell me white tuxes were tacky… 2 seconds after I told her my future husband was wearing one for our wedding.

I think people use the word ‘tacky’ when they mean they don’t like it. Honestly, everyone’s probably doing something in their wedding someone else would call ‘tacky.’

If people are that judgemental, maybe they have their own issues they need to work out.

Yes, this is a public forum, but perhaps people could respond nice to one another.

Thats my 2 cents!

Post # 33
Member
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What I love about Weddingbee is the concept of the hive.  We are all here buzzing about making something sweet happen in our lives.

That’s what this site is about to me.  No need to tear down, just try to build up. 

Just sayin’.

Post # 34
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

OK, Calioteach…that is a long list of not tacky things… ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not a huge fan of the money dance, but I’ve found that it falls under the culture umbrella most of the time, so to each their own! Who told you all that was tacky? They’re TACKY. 

Post # 35
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I am 100% for the snarkiness ban- however, I encourage Bees to tell one another the truth when someone posts asking if something is tacky or appropriate.

I think close friends and family might find it hard to be brutally honest about stuff (ie "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Do these centerpieces look good?" "Should I see my Fiance before the ceremony for pictures?" etc).  I think those close to us are likely to be either hypercritical or just saying yes to keep the peace.

Weddingbee is a place where we can ask for opinions and trust that people will be brutally honest and unbiased.

However- by and large- I think the hive is VERY GOOD at providing contructive criticism (as opposed to judgemental snarkiness).

I think there is a time and place for the "tacky" word (like the couple I read about who financed their reception by selling their art to their guests at the reception!  Which goes against the not asking for gifts etiquette)- but we have to be careful how we use it.  If someone asks- "Is it tacky to include the registry info on the invitation?" I will definitely refer them to the Emily Post webpage not just say "go for it" to be nice.

There is a way to provide honest feedback without being critical and I commend the Hive for maintaining a community where we can be honest and helpful without being rude and hurtful!

Post # 36
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The only thing thats Tacky, is using the word Tacky to describe someone elses wedding. "If you havn’t got anything good to say, don’t say anything at all".  There is a difference between constructive criticism and just plain rudeness. When a bride asks for your opinon, either just click the poll button of your preference or offer constructive criticism. What if someone said that one of your decisions was "T*$^@" after all your planing and DYIing, it could ruin someones day. I think its a little saddening when we have to remind adults to play nice on the weddingbee playground.

Post # 37
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Tacky:

adjective,

1.not tasteful or fashionable; dowdy.
2.shabby in appearance; shoddy: a tacky, jerry-built housing development. 
3.crass; cheaply vulgar; tasteless; crude.
4.gaudy; flashy; showy.
 

Origin: Americanism; appar. identical with earlier tacky small horse, pony, poor farmer; of obscure orig.An ill-conditioned, ill-fed, or neglected horse; also, a person in a like condition 

Ouch,   ๐Ÿ™

Post # 38
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@ Miss Bookworm- There have been a fair number of people who have posted- "Do you think XYZ is tacky?"

If the poster is asking flat out if something’s "tacky" (their own word)- I think a "yes it’s tacky" or "no, it’s not tacky" response is acceptable.

 

Also- I disagree with  "If you haven’t got anything good to say, don’t say anything at all."  People are posting to get honest feedback, not just pleasantries.

I would venture to guess that a lot of our weddings have turned out/will turn out a lot better than they would have been without honest feedback. That’s where the contructive criticism comes in- "The centerpiece looks a little sparse- what about adding XYZ?" for example.

Post # 39
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

i had the ‘tackiest’ wedding ever.

and i loved every second of it.

the problem with weddings is that everyone has an opinion and believes they are right. once i realized the true importance of the day, that i would be marrying the most amazing man, i stopped caring if what i had planned was tacky.  

Post # 40
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

@BetaBride – don’t feel bad! We are planning to get married on a Wednesday or Thursday night, in the summer (we’re both teachers). I’m sure I will get flack for it, but I don’t care what *anyone* thinks — I am actually really excited about it. ๐Ÿ™‚ We are saving THOUSANDS.

As far as the word "tacky," some people use it as an emotional reaction and end up being "tactless" themselves! There are some things that are inappropriate (wearing a long white dress to someone else’s wedding) and should be labeled as such. When the line between "obviously inappropriate" and "something you dislike" becomes blurred, that’s when people’s feelings get hurt. 

Post # 42
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KateMW: I agree about the cash bar being tacky.

With that said, this is reality. There are literally hundreds of ideas that are budget friendly that can be substitued for a bar that may be seen as even more classy and elegant than an open bar.

As far as the straight forward asking if XYZ is tacky: if you put a post out there that solicites another person’s opinion  be prepared for honest thoughts. Some will see things as tacky and some will not. However, I like to go by the stats. If I ask if having my dog wear a zebra outfit and be in the wedding party is tacky and 30 of 40 people tell me it is tacky then maybe I should rethink the idea. But in the end its my wedding and if I want something really badly its my money, its my time and I am the one who has to look at the pictures for the rest of my life.

Do what makes you happy, but don’t complain when you ask for an opinion and you get one you don’t like.

Post # 43
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Each individual is different within their own needs and wants at a wedding.  I personally feel that there is nothing wrong with a cash bar, have been to dozens of weddings where their were and were not cash bars.  I personally am having a cash bar.  Why, you may ask? My future in-laws, due to religious beliefs, do not drink.  My family however does drink.  So while my inlaws don’t agree to have a bar at all, my family would probably very MUCH appreciate one…this is the only way I can incorporate into my wedding and giving everyone something they and I both want, without causing to much of a ruckus on my in-laws side.  I don’t think anyone one person should be judged on something they are incorporating at their wedding.  It is after all THEIR wedding and I have a sneaky feeling that while your attending someones wedding that has something you may think is "tacky", are you really going to be looking down at a person saying "OMG I can’t believe they did that!!!"  Probably not, your probably going to have that Vodka/Cranberry or Milwaukees Best Brew that you just paid 5 bucks for in your hand while mingiling with other guests and friends, while wishing the bride and groom congratulations and good luck, your probably going to be saying to your SO, BF or friend, "Hey you gotta a dollar so I can dance, I only brought my card…" and Your probably going to be eating off that buffet that may be a little chilled (as we all know it happens), because thats what happens at weddings….

While it may seem "tacky" for some people to do certain things at a wedding, you may never know what the underlying cause for it is….So please be kind with your words and if you disagree with something posted on a thread, being a poorer bride, I would much appreciate it if you could simply say "I don’t agree with that, here’s why, but it’s your wedding" Instead of telling me that something I may think is fun (Dollar Dance) is "tacky"

Post # 44
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

Thanks for the post, I agree soooo much. Like, rosychicklet, I am a believer in honest statements of opinion. However, like people are saying, ‘tacky’ means something is in general poor taste and people constantly use it to mean something outside of their personal taste. When used that way, it is not honest feedback, it is really snarkyness and being too lazy to say what you don’t like and why. It’s just so often used as the final word, once someone has stuck the tacky label on it, they treat it as fact.

Post # 45
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I am not sure we need to ban words on this board ("We don’t like to use the word "tacky""). 

I think Weddingbee is great because people can share their honest opinions when people are reaching out for help.  But posters should also be able to sort through the advice of people here – strangers, who are trying to be helpful, but may have very different views than your own – and decide what they find helpful and what they want to discard.  In most cases, I don’t believe people are trying to be snarky when using the word "tacky", it is just their opinion, which they are more than entitled to.  Yes, its more helpful to say what you don’t like rather than "that’s tacky", but I don’t think we need to start policing people about word choice. 

By The Way I agree its overused, and not super helpful ๐Ÿ™‚ and I don’t think I have ever personally used it here myself, but we need to just relax about it!

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